Read this sex scene from Giles Coren’s failed novel!!!

[KentishTowner]

In his latest column in The Times Vile Coren is asserting that there are no successful white male authors any more. Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that’s why your novel failed so spectacularly and you won The Bad Sex Award, Giles. Then read the actual, totally bizarre sex scene (the bit about the shower head!):

twitter.com/kirstysedgman/status/1454503687460638726?s=21

He and his wife will be having such a laugh over this thread tonight over dinner!

@lentilsforever

He and his wife will be having such a laugh over this thread tonight over dinner!

Oh, so she’s a weird freak too? I’d never heard of either of them before this thread.

I tried to be interested in the latest faff about Giles Coren but that Twitter link ultimately led to some far more captivating pictures of cute kittens.

@lentilsforever

He and his wife will be having such a laugh over this thread tonight over dinner!

Ooh, maybe they will. So, on the off chance: Giles, mate, if you are "misunderstood" it's because you are not communicating well. You might want to do something about that. Maybe do a writing course or experience actual life outside of your sycophantic, privileged bubble. Maybe you will find something you're actually good at.🥳🙌

In the meantime do more reading and less being a whiny wee fucker.🙄 And stop being a cunt on the internet.

@lentilsforever I doubt they’ll laugh about it. I don’t think Giles can cope with or has a sense of humour about any sort of criticism at all. On his latest podcast he sounded really angry about it. He said something along the lines of “they can fucking fuck off” about all the people criticising him on Twitter. Esther has written on her blog about suffering from anxiety, and is desperately trying to massage his shattered ego by reassuring him that “Twitter is not real life”. He’s also cross about her being criticised on Twitter because of an article she wrote saying she hoped her daughter who doesn’t care about her appearance and wants to be a scientist would start wearing make up. Apparently Esther has cut down on her journalism for fear of the Twitter storm. I do feel quite sorry for Esther because it must be crushing to think you’re married to the coolest guy in town and to slowly realise that your husband is regarded a weapons grade wanker who gets publicly mocked whenever his car gets stolen.

The Twitter comments have made my day-
I'm just astonished that a man, who presumably has a penis of his own to do research on, managed to write something that sounds like it was written by a martian who had sex explained to them by a Ralph Wiggum

Just outstanding

Trust me
They will laugh about it!

His friends and family probably all posting screen shots to him with laughing emojis!

Good. He will see my wise advice.

I don't know what's wrong with you all? I read that and I was so turned on and I rushed home and I ran to the bedroom and I disrobed so fast that my wet panties fell to the floor like a scrubbing sponge in a basin of dishwater and I retrieved the Satisfier Pro 2 from my bra drawer and I opened the amazing, sexy literary excerpt and I began to read and I had barely touched the Satisfier Pro 2 to my secret love button and I came so hard I squirted the word Giles across my sliderobe mirror.

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Christ alive. His willy was jumping around like a shower head? Whilst still attached to him?

He evidently isn't blocked up with limescale like ours often is.

[quote KentishTowner]@lentilsforever I doubt they’ll laugh about it. I don’t think Giles can cope with or has a sense of humour about any sort of criticism at all. On his latest podcast he sounded really angry about it. He said something along the lines of “they can fucking fuck off” about all the people criticising him on Twitter. Esther has written on her blog about suffering from anxiety, and is desperately trying to massage his shattered ego by reassuring him that “Twitter is not real life”. He’s also cross about her being criticised on Twitter because of an article she wrote saying she hoped her daughter who doesn’t care about her appearance and wants to be a scientist would start wearing make up. Apparently Esther has cut down on her journalism for fear of the Twitter storm. I do feel quite sorry for Esther because it must be crushing to think you’re married to the coolest guy in town and to slowly realise that your husband is regarded a weapons grade wanker who gets publicly mocked whenever his car gets stolen.[/quote]
I don't feel sorry for Esther at all. She made it clear that she stalked him and basically married him for his house and his prestige - which is due to his father and not Corro's talent, of which he has none.

@trancepants

I don't know what's wrong with you all? I read that and I was so turned on and I rushed home and I ran to the bedroom and I disrobed so fast that my wet panties fell to the floor like a scrubbing sponge in a basin of dishwater and I retrieved the Satisfier Pro 2 from my bra drawer and I opened the amazing, sexy literary excerpt and I began to read and I had barely touched the Satisfier Pro 2 to my secret love button and I came so hard I squirted the word Giles across my sliderobe mirror.

😂🙌😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣 thanks for the laugh OP!! Good lord, what a sad little life Giles.

Sad little man.

I sort of just assume he does this utter shite for attention these days

Well he's not getting any for his Pulitzer worthy skills.😆😆🙄

That is the most hilarious thing I have ever read.

I can’t get over his account of his holiday with his 3 year old. Surely the mother would have been alarmed?

Am so disappointed with a knobend he seems to be. I’d recommended his radio show to a friend but after that shitty tweeting I just can’t be bothered with him. I don’t want him cancelled blah blah, I just don’t want to spend any time in his presence which listening his show feels like. Back to Radio 5 for Fridays.

it must be crushing to think you’re married to the coolest guy in town and to slowly realise that your husband is regarded a weapons grade wanker

Classic

Im am so stealing this

Man comes FIVE times!!!

And his penis seems very unusual with all the jumping!

He must have had sex. You wouldn't think it to read that though!

@CheeseMmmm

Man comes FIVE times!!!

And his penis seems very unusual with all the jumping!

He must have had sex. You wouldn't think it to read that though!

Man comes five times and the woman zero. Penis mentioned continually and the clitoris never. His poor wife.

The writing is cringing bad!!! Thanks for sharing.

A sex scene you say? Surely a scene from Lake Placid v Anaconda with dick replacing anaconda for fnarr fnarr effect