Read this sex scene from Giles Coren’s failed novel!!!

[KentishTowner]

In his latest column in The Times Vile Coren is asserting that there are no successful white male authors any more. Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that’s why your novel failed so spectacularly and you won The Bad Sex Award, Giles. Then read the actual, totally bizarre sex scene (the bit about the shower head!):

twitter.com/kirstysedgman/status/1454503687460638726?s=21

Oh dear Lord 😂😂😂😂

It's very worrying he even this up. Parody or no parody.
There are no words to describe how bad this is.

Oh my god, that sex scene...it is genuinely so very dreadful I feel embarrassed for him (who in their right minds would put that out there with their name on it?!), but I did laugh out loud more than once in that brief paragraph so there's that.

Thought this up!!

He smacks of self-loathing. irony so ironic he doesn't even know whats genuine and what's not (e.g 3 year old daughter having to be 'themed', mocking a death).

Sad really.

The thing is, if this is (as it seems likely) a parody, it's not worked and has had the effect of shooting himself in the foot because everyone thinks it is an excerpt from his own novel.

@VickyEadieofThigh

The thing is, if this is (as it seems likely) a parody, it's not worked and has had the effect of shooting himself in the foot because everyone thinks it is an excerpt from his own novel.

or shooting himself on the eye with his own c*ck

@SummerInSun

It is a joke scene to illustrate how awful the character is. Listen to last week's episode of his podcast with his wife and he talks about the history of the whole thing. And about how awful it is to be attacked by complete strangers on social media for someone he wrote 15 years ago.

If you don't like his stuff, don't read it and move on. He is light entertainment that you can take or leave - save your vitriol for people in actual positions of power and influence who do harm in the world.

It's not misunderstood, it's just shit. Given that he recently brought it to everyone's attention on his podcast, he can't be surprised people are talking about it. People saying the novel was shit is not an attack.

Crowing over a 35yo woman's death, because of a tweet 2 years before, is revolting, harmful behaviour. The fact he dresses his nasty shit up as light entertainment from an edgy posh boy, doesnt make it less harmful.

Presumably he owns a penis, yet he writes as though he has only the haziest clue of what one is and how it works.

'Like Zorro'. 🤣🤣🤣

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Made my legs clamp shut.

🤢

Poor Zorren. None of the wit or intelligence of his father, Alan, who is remembered with fondness.

Agree with this: “ I can’t stand Giles Coren , he is everything that is wrong with the Old Boys Club and nepotism.”

That whole Twitter thread is hilarious 😂

Isn't Richard Ayoade in the family too? I think he's his other BiL? I could be getting confused though.

Richard Ayoade is married into the Fox family. He is Laurence Fox's BIL, so similarly shitty in laws but different family.

I can't be bothered to read it, but does Giles give any evidence that there are no successful white male authors anymore? Other than that there are some successful authors who are not male or not white or both.

The Booker Prize was awarded yesterday to a white male so they're hanging in there.....

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

Yeah it was in 2018. I think there's even been a thread about it on Mumsnet. He pretended to be Polish and said some pretty ugly, antisemitic things.

www.indy100.com/news/giles-coren-twitter-alternative-account-pavel-pilnik-jonathan-nunn-wife-antisemitism-8703366#Echobox=1546166587

People seem to really dislike him. Basically no one on Twitter or Mumsnet seems to be defending him.

This was on Twitter. Apparently it was left at the Lanesborough Hotel where he was filming Amazing Hotels.

twitter.com/kirsty_csk/status/1455597092311814147?s=21

It seems Giles wants to reinvent himself a sort of Simon Cowell/Piers Morgan/Jeremy Clarkson style contrarian and pantomime villain. He gets it spectacularly wrong though and comes across as being so vindictive and spiteful, as well as seemingly being totally unable to control his anger. I can’t imagine the BBC will recommission him in anything, and no ones going to call on him to be a judge on Bake Off or Masterchef. Maybe he’ll end up spouting bile on GB News. That would be an apt end to his media career.

@SuperDup3r

I'm not a sock puppet?!! It's clear to anyone with half a brain that he's poking fun at himself on the Twitter link you posted.

I'm not a Coren fan at all, think the man is an idiot. But do get your facts straight before accusing people of sock puppeting because they don't agree with you

He does have form for sock supporting though. One of his socks was a Polish plumber who tweeted antisemitic abuse. Disgusting on a meta level. www.indy100.com/news/giles-coren-twitter-alternative-account-pavel-pilnik-jonathan-nunn-wife-antisemitism-8703366

I actually thought i had never heard of this guy before until i remembered i saw a programme he did, slagging off Jane Austen's novels. I don't know if it was supposed to be satire or his real opinion, but he came across as a total knobhead, and a bit creepy too.

@TooBigForMyBoots Lucky Esther Walker. I wish my husband would defend my honour by creating an anti-Semitic sock puppet to abuse me with. What a marvellous romantic gesture.

So now I'm confused, am I missing something? Is it an actual sex scene, or some weird day dream a character has/something a character in the story writes? Is it like when Sue Townsend has Adrian Mole attempting to write a book?

@Deadringer

He talked about that on the podcast too. The Jane Austen show. As far as I could tell, he said he had framed that cleverly in the style of an actual
Jane Austen novel (start hating what you end up loving) but everybody else was too stupid to understand. Once again, the poor soul is just misunderstood. I should think we are not allowed to speculate on these things but one does wonder about the cognitive contortions his wife and family have to go through to overlook the fact he’s a total dick.

Mind you esther Walker (wife) did write a piece in the mail I think explaining that part of the attraction was that he had a big house in Kentish Town. So there is that. Expect it was a joke though.