If someone said "mid to late morning" to you, what time would you think that was?

[OhamIreally]

Making contact arrangements with ex for after Christmas (so not imminently firming up plans IYSWIM).
Told ex I would be able to drop off at a mid-way point mid-late morning.
He's now asked for a "rough time" so he can plan his departure time.

AIBU that I have already give a rough time?

1030 to 1130

@invisiblecats

My friend is due this afternoon and I still don't know what time she's getting here! She's going to tell me when she gets a train so I have about 45 minutes notice.

Not a problem.

I'm helping at a work event in 2 weeks. We only just arranged times yesterday as we booked train tickets.

Why on earth does anyone need to know 7 weeks in advance? (Unless a specific reason)

Because they might be managing multiple demands. I don’t understand why that’s hard to comprehend and I generally hate planning ahead and committing to a time, but I do understand that the world doesn’t wait for me and sometimes I have to commit to something

Just give a time.

Are you always like this?

My ex likes to try and be vague, I’ll give you a “rough time”, can’t we “play it by ear”… etc

And it is because he is controlling. He keeps control because it’s hard for me to plan, and means I have to contact him to check, and that he is the one with “the power” as only he knows the time. He is far to important to commit to an exact pick up or drop off time, or to have to “answer” to me

If you are not like the this usually OP then just behave like an adult, arrange a time and then stick to it. If you are often like this then I totally understand why he is trying to pin you down 7 weeks in advance (I put mine in writing last week for Christmas Day and told him that if there was no response I’d assume it was fine and we’d stick to those times)

Without reading more than the OP I'd say 10.30-11.30, maybe 10-12 at a push, and it's too early in the year to be more precise about timings than that. If he really wants a precise time, then I'd say "11am give or take, we can agree the exact time in early December". It's not worth letting someone try to turn it into a drama when you can be a little more precise.

It depends where you're meeting though and if he needs an exact time due to his journey (ferries for example). From reading the rest of your posts OP, it seems like there's annoying history there. I like to turn most trips with DS into a little event, so I'd make it a nice place to stop then say he can collect at 2pm, but you arrive in the morning, roam around and have lunch, hand over DC calmly at the agreed time.

about 11-11.30

11-11:30.

10am - noon

From 10-11:30am, I'd say

9-11

Bluntness, he isn't 'driving to meet op', she is driving to meet him. She is driving 150 miles to save him having to make the whole journey, pretty damn reasonable of her. Obviously she won't know exactly what time she will arrive following a 150 mile journey, so its a bit silly of the dad to be wanting a precise time anyway, never mind 7 weeks in advance.

@debbrianna

My morning only applies to daylight

Loves this. Me too

@PrivateHall

Bluntness, he isn't 'driving to meet op', she is driving to meet him. She is driving 150 miles to save him having to make the whole journey, pretty damn reasonable of her. Obviously she won't know exactly what time she will arrive following a 150 mile journey, so its a bit silly of the dad to be wanting a precise time anyway, never mind 7 weeks in advance.

He isn't asking for a precise time. Just a time.

@PrivateHall

Bluntness, he isn't 'driving to meet op', she is driving to meet him. She is driving 150 miles to save him having to make the whole journey, pretty damn reasonable of her. Obviously she won't know exactly what time she will arrive following a 150 mile journey, so its a bit silly of the dad to be wanting a precise time anyway, never mind 7 weeks in advance.

75

Oh god, the pettiness of some posters!

I think mid-late morning is ok as an interim game plan 7 weeks out.
Since he wants a tighter time schedule, 11:30 is fine.

Yesterday I had a friend message me at 11:45am to say she was coming to our area (4 hours away) and would come and see me later on, is that ok?
I said yes of course! At around 6pm I messaged her to see what sort of time she was coming - and she got back to me and said "Is 10pm ok?" Yep, fine.

Of course, if I'd had other plans today, that level of vagueness might have been a little irritating but as it was, it was fine and it's more important to see her than to put a fine time on it!

I get that your ex doesn't want to be waiting around forever in a carpark somewhere on/off the M1 in mid winter, but seriously, ANYTHING could happen to slow down your (or his!) journey, so there's no need to be quite so fecking anal about the exact time at this stage!

He probably wants to know so he can make plans with his new partner or his family or something. Seems fair enough. He just asked. So just give a rough time. An actual time. Not when the sun has risen x degrees above the horizon.

10.30 am /12 midday

Ex asks Mumsnetter for a for a firm time with plenty of notice - its unreasonable because it's too soon.

Ex asks Mumsnetter with just a couple of weeks notice - its unreasonable, ex should have asked six weeks ago.

Can he win??

Mumsnetter asks ex for a firm time

I would say 11-11.30.

That's a totally reasonable request.

10-12. My exH does this. He means 1-1.30 It drives me bonkers.

I think you are being unreasonable not to give him a time so that he can set off appropriately. 10-11

@IggleyP

Just give a time.

Are you always like this?

My ex likes to try and be vague, I’ll give you a “rough time”, can’t we “play it by ear”… etc

And it is because he is controlling. He keeps control because it’s hard for me to plan, and means I have to contact him to check, and that he is the one with “the power” as only he knows the time. He is far to important to commit to an exact pick up or drop off time, or to have to “answer” to me

If you are not like the this usually OP then just behave like an adult, arrange a time and then stick to it. If you are often like this then I totally understand why he is trying to pin you down 7 weeks in advance (I put mine in writing last week for Christmas Day and told him that if there was no response I’d assume it was fine and we’d stick to those times)

Iggly that's interesting to see it from that perspective. I am a procrastinator and hate being pinned down too far in advance.

When he was planning the big family holiday he started mithering me 2 years in advance and I found that really controlling and stressful.

Perhaps it's a massive difference in personality- he was always a "I'll be waiting in the car" when we were married and I was getting myself and DD ready to go so it could be me digging my heels in without really thinking about it.

I did a lot of driving during lockdown to facilitate contact and then he sought a variation on maintenance for his travel costs so from my perspective I ended up paying for his petrol as well as my own so I told him I wouldn't do it any more. He asked this time despite that and I've said I will though so on the surface I think I'm being super reasonable but the time thing may well be a subconscious passive aggressive move on my part in addition to my default position of procrastination.

No wonder he's your ex !!!

Pressed send to soon

No wonder he's your ex if you're always so difficult?

10-12 definitely