Page 9 | Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 19:56

I suppose I have confused things with my ambivalent response.

I like the shorter note @Whereismumhiding3.

Step back from this and ask yourself why you are letting people take advantage of you.

I think it is because it would be sad if the weeks her son is away by neighbour’s bridge friends don’t come over. And I was wondering if her son makes the parking thing awkward. On the other hand she has been playing bridge for as long as I can remember so must have dealt with all of this before.

OP posts:

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 19:56

My not by

OP posts:

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/11/2021 19:59

@changeyourname11111

I suppose I have confused things with my ambivalent response.

I like the shorter note @Whereismumhiding3.

Step back from this and ask yourself why you are letting people take advantage of you.

I think it is because it would be sad if the weeks her son is away by neighbour’s bridge friends don’t come over. And I was wondering if her son makes the parking thing awkward. On the other hand she has been playing bridge for as long as I can remember so must have dealt with all of this before.

Well if they don't come over, that's not your fault. Of course she's dealt with it before, you're a free ride (drive)

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 20:00

Based on their behaviour, they do seem to consider your drive fair game.

Yes.

And add this to the fact that my ex comes here regularly to see the kids though we are not on speaking terms and sometimes does things I don’t want or find helpful (while I am at work that is), I am feeling that my “territory” is a bit trampled on.

OP posts:

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 20:01

Of course she's dealt with it before, you're a free ride (drive) yes

OP posts:

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/11/2021 20:02

You can do this OP. Take back your drive!
Mumsnet supports you

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 20:03

thanks - some of this thread has made me laugh

OP posts:

takenforgrantednana · 06/11/2021 20:05

@changeyourname11111

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work .

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it .

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

whether you have a car or not isnt the issue, its incredibly rude of them not to have asked first! i would be putting some rather large rockery stones across the driveway from now on and get yourself a wheel lock for when your at home, if they try it again when your there, say nothing put the wheel lock on and dont answer the door for at least 2 hrs!

oh and you dont ask them anything, its your driveway, your telling them not asking them!

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 20:09

NDN but one is very old, and a bit deaf (but generally totally with it as well as feisty and funny). I think she is a little entitled (based also on past behaviour) but I wonder whether when things are that kind of difficult, you are kind of more entitled than you would have been in the past because you are just trying to cope?

OP posts:

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/11/2021 20:12

Op you sound so lovely. Does it matter ? What matters is how you feel as it's your drive

billy1966 · 06/11/2021 20:13

I think a complete NO is the way to go.

Rent out your spot.

I have zero tolerance for this.

Stop engaging and being accommodating.

I write this as an often too accommodating person.

I would not entertain this as it is far too much bullshit.

Kill it.
Rent the space out.

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/11/2021 20:14

Yep. Stop it dead now.

TeeTotaller1 · 06/11/2021 20:18

Can you not sort of blame your ex... say that he's not happy as he needs to park when he comes to see the kids.
He could go and tell them, saves you doing it

MinnieGirl · 06/11/2021 21:49

@FinallyHere

She was happy about that but then said can they park this week - but it turns out her son is not away at the moment

This illustrates exactly what some posters have been saying about CFery

She wants your drive because it’s nice and easy and she doesn’t need to think about it.

If the parking tickets can be bought in advance, her son can do a month at a time for her… problem solved

Just tell her that on reflection you feel that strangers parking on your drive is rather intrusive, and as her son is able to book ahead, there is no need for your drive to be used.

As for CF neighbour, I would say face to face that you were horrified to discover he had offered your drive to total strangers and that you do not want anyone parking on your drive, including him.

Binglebong · 06/11/2021 21:50

If the parking can be done several weeks in advance no reason for the son not to do it before he goes away.

New note: Further to our conversation I have realised I am unhappy having anyone not visiting me parking on my drive. I am hurt that you felt you could take advantage of me in this way and for clarity i think it would be best to stop it entirely. I am , however, still happy to assist with booking the parking online if your son has forgotten to do it in advance.

For the next door neighbour I'd just do the relevant passage from your note. That paragraph alone will do.

SnackSizeRaisin · 06/11/2021 22:01

I would tell them you didn't appreciate them parking there without permission but as they are elderly you will make a concession that they can park there if they check with you every time and also pay the going rate (post cash on an envelope).

I wouldn't write any notes. Just tell them face to face

Mumteedum · 06/11/2021 22:01

The neighbour offering your drive as a solution isn't kind! I mean I could offer to help the local homeless people by suggesting they've got a spare room nextdoor...how is it kind when it's not yours to offer.

You're now justifying yourself to them and negotiating the use of your own drive!

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/11/2021 22:27

Forgot the note. Forget it all. You don't have to explain, you don't have to help with parking, you're not their parking officer/social worker/parent/.
Stop stop stop
Tell them no. End of.

Cailleach1 · 06/11/2021 22:39

So, you offered to assist in booking a parking space in the pay and park area. And, your neighbour refused this offer of help ('cos presumably they don't need it). Ok. Then why do they just want their friends to keeping parking on your property, and without asking you, whenever they want.

As for the chappie neighbour being 'kind'. How very 'kind' indeed to offer the use of another's property. Without their consent. I think I'd put heavy ceramic (frost resistant) plant pots blocking access.

Binglebong · 06/11/2021 22:40

I would make it clear that you are now retracting the offer of letting them park any day. Otherwise they will do so.

DecadentlyDecisive · 06/11/2021 22:47

@spotcheck

Personally, I don't think anyone should be driving if they're unable to figure out how to use a public pay and display car park even if it is pay by phone!

Rubbish! Not everyone brings their phone everywhere/has data etc
And operating the app is a complete different set of skills. What a ridiculous comparison

Sorry, but if they can't work a phone & pay via app I know exactly what sort of driver they are & I wouldn't want them anywhere near my property.....

MyOtherProfile · 06/11/2021 23:02

What sort of driver is that then, @DecadentlyDecisive ? You know there are some perfectly well functioning adults around who choose not to have smart phones?

Whereismumhiding3 · 07/11/2021 00:25

OP, My 96 year old neighbour had regular visitors- She never once offered my drive for her friends or family to park on. It isn't an age thing at all- my NDN lived here 70+ years!

Your older aged neighbour doesn't get to use whatever she likes of other peoples' property, she knows she's being a CF!

96 NDN and I were great friends (I was her lifeline emergency contact, lived opposite) . I used to pop over and offer her family park that day on my drive when hers was full, because it was my choice and they never assumed. So I knew they wouldn't be suddenly driving onto my drive when my cats and DCs were playing out front nor would I return to have trouble getting in my garage to put bikes away or anything like that.

You shouldn't feel obliged to go along with this neighbours parking issues - as she won't ask first and clearly will take a mile & make an inconvenient habit of it 3x week or more. There is a car park opposite- her friends can learn to arrange payment method for it. It's really not your issue to think about although it's lovely you offered to show NDN how to do it.

Don't second guess yourself OP, it is intrusive to have someone else's car on your driveway. It isn't a right of any random NDN visitors to use your your drive even if it is empty. it'd annoy me the lack of control over my own space.

I don't want to have someone else's car in front of my lounge window or in the way, when I don't choose it. Potentially it also sends the wrong message to DCs too, seeing Mum being taken advantage of or being guilted into feeling unable to say no.

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 07/11/2021 07:43

Thanks for the messages I appreciate them, and also your kind post @Whereismumhiding3, especially this bit:

Don't second guess yourself OP, it is intrusive to have someone else's car on your driveway. It isn't a right of any random NDN visitors to use your your drive even if it is empty. it'd annoy me the lack of control over my own space.

I have decided on a note which reads:

“Dear both neighbours,

Please don't park or tell your friends to park on our drive, which has now happened three times without our knowledge or permission.

NDN but one, if you want assistance with booking online street parking for your friends in advance, I am happy to help.

Kind regards,
Change.”

I honestly don’t mind helping with the booking in advance.

My kids think I am not being very nice not allowing the twice weekly parking but I don’t think they are seeing the “give an inch” bigger picture.

My son said he would stipulate that any damage to our property would have to be paid for (the car on Thursday was apparently parked very close to our hedge so they must have had trouble swinging in), but I think of course they wouldn’t pay for damage, they would just leave, and who wants the hassle of having to even think about that.

I also think my kids don’t get the fact that I feel I would have been strong armed into this by both entitled neighbours .

If someone asked me as an occasional one off because they really needed the space, then that would be different.

OP posts:

ESGdance · 07/11/2021 07:56

Well done to you.

Great note - though not sure why you are offering online parking help. Do you know this is an issue or are you assuming - this will just be another can of worms with people like this. How will you be paid? Do you need to be repeatedly disturbed during work-time? It will go wrong. Surely this is not the only time they have to manage online parking? Maybe helpful NDN can offer up this service?

Also your DS is wrong - no need ever to justify defend or explain your decision to anyone - it just gives an in for them to further dialogue and persuade.

Well done. Trust YOUR gut - which is YOUR boundary each and every - makes life much simpler.