Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

[changeyourname11111]

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work .

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it .

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

All these people saying the op isn't being neighbourly because they won't allow a neighbour to use their driveway. The neighbours are not being neighbourly by not asking the op in the first place!

YANBU @changeyourname11111 to not allow your neighbour to use your drive. Who cares if you don't have a car. What happens when you do get one and want to park on there? You can guarantee they would be kicking up a fuss that they could no longer use your space.

However, as you do have good relations with your neighbours, then it is a good idea to chat to them and arrange a single afternoon a week as being ok for them to park on it, on the understanding it's this one time a week and it's only them. No saying oh changeyourname11111 says it's ok for you to use it to another of their friends on another day.

Don't even say they need to ask first as they'll take that as a yes anyway to park whenever they want. What if they can't get through to you, they'll just end up parking there.
I wouldn't feel comfortable coming home to a random car on my drive, or if I or my kids were getting out/in the house and are faced with random strangers on our drive.

If it's going to be once a week on Wednesday afternoon 2-4pm I would just give a blanket ok for that person, and ask that at any other times they check with you first.

I have the loveliest of neighbours.

Definitely not CF types that would tell someone my drive is a parking space to others.

Courtesy works both ways, however difficult it is for some to grasp.

I tried to be neighbourly and didn't object when a neighbour started using my space. When I eventually explained I would be needing my space he went absolutely apeshit screaming and threatening me, it took legal action to get him to leave me alone.

I hope your neighbour is more reasonable than mine but I would advise anyone to speak up at the beginning of a potential issue with neighbours so it doesn't become an ordeal.

@nokidshere

ask that at any other times they check with you first.

But they started from the position that they didn't need to ask your permission and have had no adverse consequences from acting upon this thought.

If you give them retrospective permission to do that, what incentive is there to ask you in advance in future?

The answer is none.

Which would mean that you are condoning a do first and then. ask permission afterwards approach. What sanctions do you then have if they continue to encroach?

None.

^ I agree with that - am thinking I either just say no on the basis that I can’t trust my immediate neighbour not to do this again (and the way he said that I was at work makes me think he has done it before), or I go for the slightly passive aggressive approach and block our drive. No need to even bring it up. Then if anyone (my CF immediate neighbour) really needs to borrow our space for whatever reason they can ask us and not just assume.

This is ridiculous. It's your space. Say no poiltey and put a bollard/something in the way. Problem solved.
Not respecting your property isn't being very neighbourly, they are in the wrong. They've worked out you're a kind person and are taking the piss.

I would tell them you're happy to be asked and can say yes or no on each individual occasion, but tell them that doesn't mean it's blanket permission because they have already shown quite a bit of CFery!

@HollowTalk

I hate how this wouldn't happen if a man lived in the house.

Ridiculous comment

Get a lockable fence/gate put up ASAP

Development - while I was out my neighbour (not the immediate one but the lady whose friends parked on our drive) came over and spoke with my dd so I then went over and knocked on her door.

She said that her friends had parked on our drive a couple of times and that my immediate (CF) neighbour had offered her my space but that she had wanted to ask me.

I said I was unhappy that my CF neighbour had done that without asking me (she said he was kind and trying to help) and that last week when we saw her friend’s car we didn’t know whose it was (but obviously they have done it more than once).

She said on Sundays it is okay for her bridge party as parking on the street is fine but that on Wednesdays and Thursdays two friends of hers need parking spaces.

I asked what had happened when I had a car on our drive and she said that she had paid for parking on the street. Her son has to get it for her as it is the automated online payment and that sometimes he is away. I offered to help her make the parking bookings when he is away but she said no to that.

I then said that when her son is away I don’t mind if her friends park on the drive if they knock on the door first (between 2 and 4 on Wednesdays and Thursdays is when they play - she assumed no one would be home but that’s not the case) to let us know.

She was happy about that but then said can they park this week - but it turns out her son is not away at the moment so I said no. For insurance and potential damage reasons though I don’t think she really got that.

Anyway she accepted it but looked a bit underwhelmed with me and I don’t know if I have done the right thing.

I am especially annoyed with my CF immediate neighbour who got me into this mess apparently telling her that there is an empty space on my drive. He is away at the moment so I couldn’t speak to him.

Plus there is the fact that even if she does have access to my drive she still has to pay for the other person’s parking (unless CF’s car is not there). It isn’t a money issue for her.

I have probably gone down in her estimation and CF neighbour will think the same I need to get my own car to put on my drive!!!

The business about Sunday being okay but not Wednesday or Thursday annoyed me as as someone said unthread - not my circus.

Not sure why I feel threatened by all of this but I do.

You really should have said a blanket no and fuck her estimation of you - stop being a people pleaser. She will take the piss and say her son is away in future just to use your space!

Given there is pay & display opposite your house I assume that there is demand for parking in your area. List your drive on Just Park and tell your neighbours that it is only available to people who book via the app. It won't make you rich but if you charge a bit less than the pay & display it can be a handy source of extra income/pay for a holiday.

@londonmummy1966

Given there is pay & display opposite your house I assume that there is demand for parking in your area. List your drive on Just Park and tell your neighbours that it is only available to people who book via the app. It won't make you rich but if you charge a bit less than the pay & display it can be a handy source of extra income/pay for a holiday.

Boom! Fab idea 👏👏

@GinIronic and @londonmummy1966 have nailed it.

I would not be entertaining such rude entitled bullshit.

Not assuming you can park on someone's drive is frankly too basic, irrespective if you are 40 or 90.

🙄

OP, you don't feel good about this because you have been played.

She said that her friends had parked on our drive a couple of times and that my immediate (CF) neighbour had offered her my space but that she had wanted to ask me.

Seriously? What kind of person offers use of a parking space that doesn't belong to them and what type of person accepts it? She could have told your neighbour she would discuss it with you but she didn't because it was convenient for her.

I do hope this doesn't come back to bite you. I'd put a note through the parking attendants (CF NDN) door telling him there are no circumstances under which he is to offer use of you drive to anyone else and he is not to use it without your permission which, given his cheeky fuckery, you'd be unlikely to give.

Can you get a gate for your drive? I bet it would be a lot less attractive to random parkers if you had it closed which would mean they would have to get out and open it.

Hi - re the gate - yes I have been thinking what I could do - or a chain across the drive, but on the other hand it costs money...

Someone asked me if I could suggest that they park in front of the drive, but the parking restrictions mean that they would get a ticket if they did that.

I am now contemplating dropping a note through both neighbours' letter boxes which would read as follows - does it sound ok? I think just saying yes to two sessions a week when people can park in front of our house will morph into other days as well for other reasons.

Dear ndn but one and cf ndn,

Further to our conversation yesterday ndn but one, I wanted to reiterate that as a general rule and for insurance reasons, I don’t want people to park their cars on our drive.

CF ndn – I am surprised and upset that you both used our drive and offered the use of it to other people without asking us first, and last Thursday for example the kids texted me while at work asking me whose car was in front of our house.

If you need help booking the online parking for your friends ndn but one, please ask me and I will be happy to help – it can also be booked several weeks in advance so I could do that for you provided you gave me the username and password that you use (I could come round to your house and do it with you).

Kind regards,
Change….

They both don't give a shit, take back the control and say no to all of it . There is no threat, they're taking advantage. Who cares if she's underwhelmed, you're not a free ticket to free parking.

I'd keep it short

Dear neighbours,

Please don't tell your friends to park on our drive.
If you want help learning how to book and use the car park opposite, I am happy to show you how,
Kind regards
Neighbours at number X

I wouldn't bother with the note. Why are you doing this? It's a confusing note, they wont respect it.
Step back from this and ask yourself why you are letting people take advantage of you.

She was happy about that but then said can they park this week - but it turns out her son is not away at the moment

This illustrates exactly what some posters have been saying about CFery

@MyOtherProfile

You have to be careful, don't you? How long do people have to use your land before there's some kind of claim to having a right to it? Does anyone know about this?

Like 20 years or something, little old ladies are unlikely to be driving around by then!

I would follow up with a note, but indeed step back and think things through before deciding what to say.

Based on their behaviour, they do seem to consider your drive fair game.