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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
MRex · 07/11/2021 08:01

@changeyourname11111

Thanks for the messages I appreciate them, and also your kind post *@Whereismumhiding3*, especially this bit:

Don't second guess yourself OP, it is intrusive to have someone else's car on your driveway. It isn't a right of any random NDN visitors to use your your drive even if it is empty. it'd annoy me the lack of control over my own space.

I have decided on a note which reads:

“Dear both neighbours,

Please don't park or tell your friends to park on our drive, which has now happened three times without our knowledge or permission.

NDN but one, if you want assistance with booking online street parking for your friends in advance, I am happy to help.

Kind regards,
Change.”

I honestly don’t mind helping with the booking in advance.

My kids think I am not being very nice not allowing the twice weekly parking but I don’t think they are seeing the “give an inch” bigger picture.

My son said he would stipulate that any damage to our property would have to be paid for (the car on Thursday was apparently parked very close to our hedge so they must have had trouble swinging in), but I think of course they wouldn’t pay for damage, they would just leave, and who wants the hassle of having to even think about that.

I also think my kids don’t get the fact that I feel I would have been strong armed into this by both entitled neighbours Angry.

If someone asked me as an occasional one off because they really needed the space, then that would be different.

That's the perfect note, well done.
bembridge11 · 07/11/2021 08:25

Let them use it on a pay basis. Many people rent out their driveways - so you may aswell make some money out of it too!

JacquelineCarlyle · 07/11/2021 08:44

Good note Op. You're not wrong so stick to your guns!

billy1966 · 07/11/2021 09:11

Excellent note.

You do not need the hassle.

If your neighbour tells another person they can do that, I would contact 101 and tell them you feel your neighbour is aggressive in his actions.

He is a CF.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 07/11/2021 09:16

Your ds is saying the parking equivalent of #bekind, that YOU should put up and shut up, yet others can do what they like. Even with your own property!
And if you dare have an opinion... yes you're then called a Karen 🤔😡

Great note, short and to the point.

IslaPineappple · 07/11/2021 09:18

Great

TrevorFountain · 07/11/2021 09:36

OP, this really resonates with me. I remember very well the period when my ExH was trying to trample all over my boundaries via the kids. It made me really conscious of having my boundaries pushed, and possibly being seen as a push-over or just invisible as a 'single mother'.

In the end I pushed back. With him, with neighbours, even with the teenagers. The neighbours got told to bloody well ask, not assume, that I'd be ok about their encroaching scaffolding, or all night parties*, or ridiculous car sagas. It was very empowering, as they say.

*They got evicted

Robin233 · 07/11/2021 09:59

Well done.
You can be kind and still be have boundaries.
I have learnt as long as I'm assertive in a positive way people respect me.

Bettyfromlondon · 07/11/2021 10:15

Your note is great though it is probably "at least" three times.
Also good to get this clear now before your elderly neighbour starts e to require possible visits from carers.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/11/2021 10:24

@Whereismumhiding3

I'd keep it short

Dear neighbours,

Please don't tell your friends to park on our drive.
If you want help learning how to book and use the car park opposite, I am happy to show you how,
Kind regards
Neighbours at number X

This is the wording I'd go with.

DO NOT let them park on your driveway on a regular basis. It is YOURS and you may have guests at the same time as their weekly bridge club and may need access. Just put a stop to it now.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/11/2021 10:26

Just after seeing your update there @changeyourname11111 - have you had any comments from either neighbour?

I would consider renting it out on Just Park if you know you're not going to be using for a vehicle and at least they would have to pay for it, and you could bill them if they didn't!

itsallgoingpearshaped · 07/11/2021 11:03

Imagine your elderly neighbour misjudges and damages your property, or worse, falls and injures herself on your property. And you've given permission implicitly or explicitly that they can use your drive.

Your home owner's insurance liability could become an issue... and you could be pursued if they need money for recovery, etc

Whereismumhiding3 · 07/11/2021 11:05

Well done OP

If you can, I would find some time to chat (maybe in passing when doing a shared activity together) with DCs about "too nice" gets taken advantage of, the importance and right to over your own time, assets and property and how entitled people initially take an inch, then it becomes a mile as it's always about their needs not others.

It's a life lesson worth learning about your right to say "I don't want that" & not being the one always making concessions for everybody when they don't treat you the same way.

Whereismumhiding3 · 07/11/2021 11:05

*control not 'over'

ESGdance · 07/11/2021 11:33

@Whereismumhiding3

Well done OP

If you can, I would find some time to chat (maybe in passing when doing a shared activity together) with DCs about "too nice" gets taken advantage of, the importance and right to over your own time, assets and property and how entitled people initially take an inch, then it becomes a mile as it's always about their needs not others.

It's a life lesson worth learning about your right to say "I don't want that" & not being the one always making concessions for everybody when they don't treat you the same way.

“No good deed goes unpunished”

Only heard this recently…explains a lot!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/11/2021 11:50

Good note. At the end of the day, her ds could set her up with parking bookings on a monthly basis. The only issue being if someone changes car. Alternatively he could teach her to use the app / talk her through it regularly.

tootootaataa · 07/11/2021 12:11

Great note. Firm but kind. I hope that they respect your wishes

Whereismumhiding3 · 07/11/2021 13:49

I agree with @Mummyoflittledragon

NDN has a son who can help with booking car park, don't make this your job OP as that makes their parking issues seem like it's become yours to solve. It isn't. They are adults, it's kind of you to show her how to do it once.

Peppermintpatty24 · 07/11/2021 17:37

07:34Jossbow

Why? Why ban them? You dont have a car,
You know who the owner is, and where they are.
Being neighbourly, isn't it?

It would have been "neighbourly" to ask first surely.

cherish123 · 07/11/2021 18:03

YANBU
Your children must have been a little frightened.
It's cheeky. You need to nip this in the bud.

wentworthinmate · 07/11/2021 18:04

As someone else said, two huge planters and the end of the drive. Don't ask, don't tell just do it.

Mylifesadrama · 07/11/2021 18:10

I would be pissed off that they had just presumed it was ok to park there! Stick a big potted plant in the middle of the driveway, and if they want to be polite enough to actually ask permission, you can move it for them.

SaturdaySummer · 07/11/2021 18:13

@MyOtherProfile

You have to be careful, don't you? How long do people have to use your land before there's some kind of claim to having a right to it? Does anyone know about this?
It's Scottish law that you can claim land you have maintained for ten years
Suzanne999 · 07/11/2021 18:28

Definitely no.
It’s not fair on your kids to have someone knock on the door to ask about parking. How do they make a decision?
What if one of the drivers takes out your gate post, wall, whatever.
And say yes once, you’ve got them for ever.
Very rude not to ask. I used to get the same years ago. Neighbour’s visitors parked on my grass as it was easier than driving through the neighbours gate posts and parking on their gravel that had space for 5/6 cars.

Londoncallingme · 07/11/2021 18:35

I would pop round and say that although you don’t have a car, you do have visitors and they must ask before using your drive. It’s just damn rude not to. If it were me I wouldn’t mind them parking there at all - but only if they’d had the decency to ask.

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