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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
TempleofZoom · 06/11/2021 12:01

Let common sense and decency prevail here

That would have been the neighbour asking the Op in the first place !

Chocolatewheatos · 06/11/2021 12:08

Absolutely no. The elderly lady in question is around/over 90 and still drives but has damaged her car on her gate posts
What happens when she damages your wall/fence/whatever?
What happens when your kids are getting their bikes out and scratch her car.
What happens when you/your kids get a car and you take away their parking space?
What happens when you want to sell the house and they tell the prospective buyer/tenant that they use your driveway?
What happens when the wear and tear means the drive needs relaying?
I could go on and on. People come to expect something they use repeatedly. You'll find yourself asking them permission to use your drive or paying for their car repairs etc.

Turtles25 · 06/11/2021 12:09

Ask them how this will benefit you (ask for payment) Grin

loobylou10 · 06/11/2021 12:10

@TempleofZoom yes you're entirely right in saying that but I would just prefer to be better.

Tivolia · 06/11/2021 12:16

Your neighbour should’ve asked them to speak to you directly. It’s cheeky to assume they can park on your drive on a regular basis. It’s understandable why they have done this and they don’t mean any harm but it’s important you put down markers for the future so your drive doesn’t become a free parking space.

longwayoff · 06/11/2021 12:20

Offer to rent it to her, working hours only. Make it more expensive than the ticketed parking on offer. When she declines, rent it to someone else.

TempleofZoom · 06/11/2021 12:21

[quote loobylou10]@TempleofZoom yes you're entirely right in saying that but I would just prefer to be better.[/quote]
The issue with that is other peoples behaviour does not reflect on you.
Needing to be " better" or kind means these CF people take advantage of you.
Nothing more is needed than a polite No.
You dont need to be nicer or kinder in response.

junglejane66 · 06/11/2021 12:32

Should have asked, but might make people think there is someone at home so lessen the risk of being burgled, especially if you live in a rough area

notnumb · 06/11/2021 12:35

It is cheeky of them, but if you could find it in your heart to just say to her "I will agree to it continuing but please could you let me know in advance the day and the time. I'm afraid I'm just not comfortable with it otherwise".

We talk a lot about Being Kind. You sound as though you are actually kind OP (helping her with her phone/the microwave etc).
I very much hope you will Be Kind enough to let her continue, but not before pointing out it's rude to do it without asking. In a diplomatic way of course. Say "it's only manners that I'm asked first" or something.

TeeTotaller1 · 06/11/2021 12:36

@Chocolatewheatos

Absolutely no. The elderly lady in question is around/over 90 and still drives but has damaged her car on her gate posts What happens when she damages your wall/fence/whatever? What happens when your kids are getting their bikes out and scratch her car. What happens when you/your kids get a car and you take away their parking space? What happens when you want to sell the house and they tell the prospective buyer/tenant that they use your driveway? What happens when the wear and tear means the drive needs relaying? I could go on and on. People come to expect something they use repeatedly. You'll find yourself asking them permission to use your drive or paying for their car repairs etc.
This
ChateauMargaux · 06/11/2021 13:14

Hilarious set of over reactions!!

I have visions of the whole street sunbathing in your garden, crashing into the front of your house, being injured by falling scaffolding, all of them ignoring your chain link fence, row of penguin bollards and enormous plant pots.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 06/11/2021 13:35

For the people saying you dont have a car so should not have a problem - I dont cook in my kitchen every day. Does that mean my neighbour should be able to come round and have a baking session whenever they feel like it?

nomoneytreehere · 06/11/2021 13:38

Honestly, it's neighbourly and your helping an old lady out. How amazing that she is out and about at 90 and not in a care home having her arse wiped.

The lady that is parked on your drive probably thinks your neighbour has arranged that she can park there. They probably think they have agreed with you that she can. In my experience lots of people are terrible at communication and think they have agreed things they haven't said at all!!

I totally get you don't want all and sundry parking there but seriously what is the harm once a week when you are at work anyhow. It's nice to be nice.

Why don't you speak to your neighbour and agree a time it is ok. And maybe ask that she knocks on the door to say she has arrived. Or not I guess. But I would be delighted to do a small thing to help an elderly person out.

HollowTalk · 06/11/2021 13:41

I hate how this wouldn't happen if a man lived in the house.

BadNomad · 06/11/2021 13:41

I think it's your male neighbour who is the CF. The lady asked him if she could park on his drive. He said yes then he parked on yours without asking. Now the lady who had the manners to ask him is parking on yours. I'm betting he told her it was alright to do because he doesn't want to be inconvenienced. Or I'm wrong and your drive is just the next one available.

billy1966 · 06/11/2021 13:45

Extremely rude.

I would not be seen to be setting a precedent in the neighbourhood that your drive is a free parking spot.

Unbelievably rude thing to do.
I wouldn't entertain it because of the not asking in the first place.

LookItsMeAgain · 06/11/2021 13:54

If there is pay and display across the road then there is probably resident's parking discs that they can pay the council for and allocate to guests as and when they arrive to park. Your driveway is YOURS and not an extension of theirs and not a public car park. If you don't have a car at present, get some pretty pots, put some small conifer trees in them for the run up to Christmas, get some fairy lights and block access to parking on your driveway. If you have guests, they can't park on your driveway. This way you can allocate who parks on your driveway as and when. They shouldn't move the pots either!

Stop them being CFers!

TempleofZoom · 06/11/2021 14:11

@HollowTalk

I hate how this wouldn't happen if a man lived in the house.
Nor would people be saying "Be kind"or " its nice to be nice" Ugh so manipulative and guilt tripping !
Lucinda7 · 06/11/2021 14:13

A blanket no from me. They are already being rude and entitled. I agree with blocking the drive. You can always unblock it if you get a car or your DC do when they are older.

ToCutALongStoryShort · 06/11/2021 14:24

I know you want to get on with your neighbours but I would say no. It might get that they think they are entitled to park there anytime. What if you have visitors over when they come round, they might think it's "their" driveway. Your next door neighbour is quite cheeky. Sometimes when I go round to visit my mum, her neighbour or other visitors have parked in front of her house so I have to park somewhere else, it's quite annoying.

Franca123 · 06/11/2021 14:39

I'd definitely let them use the drive but it is really cheeky not to have asked.

Mumteedum · 06/11/2021 14:51

Just no. You don't know them that well. You're putting yourself in a position where you're going to have ongoing dialogue and negotiation over your own property. I just wouldn't get into it with no benefit at all to you.

I'd let my nearest neighbours do this because I'm on chatty terms and know what's going on with them. I wouldn't let my neighbour four doors up because I don't know anything about them and it's intrusive.

Crazycrazylady · 06/11/2021 14:52

Meh

You don't have a car and I think your kids would survive the shock of seeing some little oul lady parking on their drive particularly if it's the same time every week🤷🏻

FinallyHere · 06/11/2021 15:03

Being neighbourly starts with respecting people's property and asking before you decide to park on their drive, or encourage visitors to park on your drive.

Surely the visitor must have been told by neighbour that it would be ok for them to park there without checking with you.

We have a neighbour who occasionally asks to use out spare space (at the back of our house, close to their house). They also specify how long it will be for and stick to that.

We have almost always been able to say yes.

Anyone who parked there with out asking us first, would get a blanket no for ever. Just parking without asking is pretty hard core CF behaviour.

Who knows what else they might think would be OK to do without asking.

FOJN · 06/11/2021 15:14

I’m glad to day that where I live people are neighbourly and go out of their way to help each other.

My neighbours are the same and I reciprocate but we are a cheeky fucker free zone. We don't take liberties just because we know our neighbours would be happy to help us out. We do things the old fashioned way and ask first.