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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
Ddot · 16/02/2022 07:27

Put a big plant pot in the middle of your drive, moveable but heavy enough to struggle with. The brass neck of some people never ceases to amaze me

NRRK28 · 16/02/2022 07:27

Personally i will let them if i dont have a car. Because it doesn’t bother me. But i agree your neighbour should ask first.

I have two cars and 1 driveway. My neighbour doesn’t have a car. I park there everyday. But i ask them first if i can use their spot and they dont mind. Your neighbour should ask first.

Original poster
changeyourname11111 · 16/02/2022 07:38

Thanks for the messages. I think some people might not have read my update at the end - I had decided to say no for various reasons which are detailed upthread. A previous poster said I had initially given them permission - no I hadn’t.

The reason I posted today was because a couple of days ago - more than three months after the whole thing happened - they again parked there and again without asking. I have already said no but clearly that no doesn’t mean much. I agree that they are entitled.

I also would help people if they asked - but I don’t want a regular arrangement and I don’t want people to park there without asking.

I agree with the pp who says they are hoping I just get worn down by it.

Planters a good idea but I would worry they would be stolen and would be difficult to move if I need to use the space for whatever reason.

@Sparklywolf - your client’s scenario is the one I am worried about.

As for my relationship with them souring - they are the ones who have caused this IMO.

OP posts:
JustUseTheDoorSanta · 16/02/2022 07:46

Can you send them a letter stating that next time you will call for their car to be towed and will bill them for the costs? Costs about £100, and you probably wouldn't get it back, but I suspect you'd only need to do it once.

Meantime, storing your bins and a big planter there would help.

I would be really confused if someone randomly parked on our drive, it's so rude.

Polyanthus2 · 16/02/2022 07:50

@RedHelenB

It wouldn't bother me in all honesty.
It wouldn't worry me if it was bridge night only for a couple of hours but any more and I'd say no.
supermoonrising · 16/02/2022 07:52

It's a no. people just end up taking the piss..They already are.

Agree. They were very rude not to ask your permission so they lose the right to any favours. Many people who do not have cars like having an open space in front of their house - they almost certainly don’t want to be constantly staring out at someone else’s vehicle on their property. It’s extremely rude to assume that you can utilise another persons private property without first asking permission.

Fatmax22 · 16/02/2022 07:57

You need to stop agonising over this. They got away with it once, they will go back to doing it more. When a car appears get straight round there - my driveway isn't a public car park. Please move the car now. Rinse and repeat.

Wouldlovetobeinthesun · 16/02/2022 08:05

I think you've been exceptionally patient with them. What happens if you have a friend that wants to come over or one of your children's friends parents? I appreciate it might be an eyesore but if you can leave your bins out in the driveway then other than spending money on a gate, that is perhaps your only option.

Joxster · 16/02/2022 08:09

@changeyourname11111

Thanks for the messages. I think some people might not have read my update at the end - I had decided to say no for various reasons which are detailed upthread. A previous poster said I had initially given them permission - no I hadn’t.

The reason I posted today was because a couple of days ago - more than three months after the whole thing happened - they again parked there and again without asking. I have already said no but clearly that no doesn’t mean much. I agree that they are entitled.

I also would help people if they asked - but I don’t want a regular arrangement and I don’t want people to park there without asking.

I agree with the pp who says they are hoping I just get worn down by it.

Planters a good idea but I would worry they would be stolen and would be difficult to move if I need to use the space for whatever reason.

@Sparklywolf - your client’s scenario is the one I am worried about.

As for my relationship with them souring - they are the ones who have caused this IMO.

Don’t get fancy expensive planters that may get stolen; just big is enough of a deterrent. It’s one thing to park in an empty space, it’s a whole different thing to start coming on your property and moving stuff around so that they can park. Very few people (especially if elderly) will do that. Two or three of these with a big lavender bush in them will still be light enough for you to move but big enough to discourage CFs.

www.yougarden.com/item-p-130002/3-heavy-duty-pots-40cm-16in?&source=PPCYGSGOOG&utm_source=PPCYGSGOOG&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=Cj0KCQiA3rKQBhCNARIsACUEW_a-95KtAe5Lf14AgthbTTP2RshBkx-Nb75GnYbv6TTAgjcvn8U6pVcaAm07EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Museumland · 16/02/2022 08:09

I would let the elderly neighbour's friend use the drive. I have parents in their 90s and am often touched by acts of kindness from others towards them. I would just speak to your neighbour and say that you've noticed the car parked on your drive and don't mind for this particular time. I think if you start sticking pots or just a blanket no you'll just come across as a person who has something that they don't use and aren't prepared to help an elderly lady.

SpiderVersed · 16/02/2022 08:11

Note on the windscreen? The neighbour’s friends probably have no idea they aren’t allowed to park there, sounds like your two CF neighbours are telling them it’s fine.

If they return to a message of “This is private property. Please do not park here again” they won’t do it.
(Unless they are also CF)

SpiderVersed · 16/02/2022 08:12

@Museumland

I would let the elderly neighbour's friend use the drive. I have parents in their 90s and am often touched by acts of kindness from others towards them. I would just speak to your neighbour and say that you've noticed the car parked on your drive and don't mind for this particular time. I think if you start sticking pots or just a blanket no you'll just come across as a person who has something that they don't use and aren't prepared to help an elderly lady.
OP has already issued a blanket No and written a note to that effect back in November.
starfishmummy · 16/02/2022 08:18

I think that if you find a car on your drive you need to start going to "ask" them to remove it "now" as it is on private property. A few interruptions to their bridge or whatever and they should get the message.

NorthSouthcatlady · 16/02/2022 08:24

They are rude and entitled! I would get a bollard installed if it was me

KosherDill · 16/02/2022 08:25

Don't blame you, OP.

One reason it's infuriating is that people take liberties with women householders that they never would if a man were present. I have an idiot next door not speaking for years now because I objected to his daily dog waste in my front garden. He tells all & sundry I'm "a bitch" but he never ever let his dog soil the garden of the male householder the other side.

Bravo for standing up for yourself.

saraclara · 16/02/2022 08:26

You're going to pay to have a bollard installed to avoid the tiny confrontation of just telling them they can't park there? confused

She already HAS told them they can't, @cookiemonster2468. RTFT. She told them, they stopped, and now they've started again.

StoneofDestiny · 16/02/2022 08:27

Get a penguin bollard up. Alternatively if you have gate posts, a length of chain across.

crochetmonkey74 · 16/02/2022 08:32

God I really feel for you OP, my best friend had something similar with her neighbours- started as a very simple 'can we put something in your recycling bin' and over the years, it became can the kids use your garden , and just gradual incremental encroaching on her space - it's like some people seem to want to see how much territory (physical or emotional) that they can gain

Let us know how it turns out

BigPlanes · 16/02/2022 08:32

I’d be fine with it. I have a large drive and only one car whereas neighbours have smaller drives. Regularly offer use of it if it’s useful.

GabriellaMontez · 16/02/2022 08:38

Would a sign help? A clear 'no parking at anytime'. Before you go to the expense of a bollard.

They sound like pushy neighbours. Pleasant until you don't do what they say.

You have your ex in your house ?

EvilPea · 16/02/2022 08:39

I’d be ok with it. A little “that’s annoying” but in the scheme of neighbour relations and other than being annoying it’s not inconveniencing you, but makes bridge day a lot easier for her

Kennykenkencat · 16/02/2022 08:40

Set up an account with Parkopedia and tell them that if they want to keep parking on your driveway then to book through the app.

You never know you made get some income if your driveway is so popular

SpidersAreShitheads · 16/02/2022 08:40

I live in a cul de sac which is off quite a busy road/area and there's not a lot of street parking. I have two cars and my drive is in constant use. But quite often I'll go out to see DM for a few hours. Pre-COVID this used to be at more regular days/times and I arrived back once much earlier than usual to see a strange car on my drive. My neighbour three doors down had told her friend to park on there.

She was really apologetic and said she hadn't expected me to be back. She's an older lady. I've told her that if I'm not there she's welcome to use the drive, and if I get back and a car is there, I'll knock for her to move.

Occasionally I've got back and my other next door neighbour's friend has been parked on my drive.

I don't mind in the slightest providing they are grateful and say thanks etc if I knock and ask them to move. I'd not be impressed if they didn't show any appreciation.

I live in a really lovely neighbourly street though. When I got with my DP some years back my neighbour two doors down the other way told me we could use her drive anytime as she didn't drive and didn't have a car.

I really love the people around me and the nice atmosphere on my street. I'm moving soon and will really miss the way everyone knows each other and just co-operates.

There was one giant bellend who lived opposite who used to go mental if anyone parked outside his house, even though he had a MASSIVE four car drive to the side that he used. He seemed to think he owned the pavement and road all around his house. He didn't even own the property, he rented. I nearly held a party the day he left as he was a horrible person.

Anyway, I digress. I'd absolutely let an older lady and her friends use my drive. Especially if I didn't have a car and wasn't using it at all. The world revolves on kind gestures.

DePfeffoff · 16/02/2022 08:42

@Fatmax22

You need to stop agonising over this. They got away with it once, they will go back to doing it more. When a car appears get straight round there - my driveway isn't a public car park. Please move the car now. Rinse and repeat.
OP usually isn't at home when it happens.
Lunificent · 16/02/2022 08:43

Stay strong OP. This originally happened with no consultation with you. None of this sis your fault.