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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
FOJN · 14/11/2021 18:43

I suspect he's sulky because he knows he's in the wrong but his ego won't allow him to apologise and clear the air. Yes it's unfair, women are so often punished for the temerity to have boundaries.

NegativeNelly · 14/11/2021 18:44

i would say no, what if you do get a car, or an ambulance needs to go on it or you want a skip one day. They didn't care about you when they just parked there. Even if they thought you were at work, they could have come round later to explain or put a note through your door! But no they waited for you to come to them psh... people are so entitled

JacquelineCarlyle · 14/11/2021 18:44

@FOJN

I suspect he's sulky because he knows he's in the wrong but his ego won't allow him to apologise and clear the air. Yes it's unfair, women are so often punished for the temerity to have boundaries.
This!

Well done Op!

ESGdance · 14/11/2021 18:54

His fragile ego is ruptured because you dared call him out - also he will be humiliated not being able to be puffed up being the white knight of the road to the older lady / damsel in distress (at your cost).

Being unable to speak out and acknowledge (never mind apologise) that he (inadvertently!?!) crossed boundaries tells you what a knob he is.

Well done to you - hope you feel empowered for handling this calmly and assertively.

ESGdance · 14/11/2021 18:57

Don’t understand why the older ladies son is unable to book the parking even when he’s away? Or Mr White Knight can’t take this on?

Wouldn’t be offering to do anything of the sort for people who took the piss.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 16/11/2021 10:12

@FOJN

I suspect he's sulky because he knows he's in the wrong but his ego won't allow him to apologise and clear the air. Yes it's unfair, women are so often punished for the temerity to have boundaries.
Exactly. If he thought for ONE MINUTE you were wrong you would have had a visit straight away telling you exactly that!

He is embarrassed and rightly so

Original poster
changeyourname11111 · 16/02/2022 05:34

Just posting to say that the other day one of my neighbour’s friends parked on our drive again. My daughter was at home and no one knocked on the door to ask beforehand.

I am not sure what to do other than install a penguin bollard.

On the face of it it’s not such a big thing, and when I spoke to my sister about it she brushed it off and said just put your bins in the middle of the drive.

Actually if they came to ask occasionally can we park I would say yes. I just didn’t want a long-standing agreement which might then mean that they took advantage even more. But it’s more the fact that after telling them not to use the drive they’ve parked there again and who knows how many other times they’ve done it.

All made even worse by the fact that when my daughter and I were coming back from a trip yesterday, both neighbours were out on the street. They had probably finished their conversation, but my immediate neighbour went back into his house without saying anything to us. My very elderly neighbour spoke to my daughter about something and did ask me how I was. And no one brought up parking - I don’t want to because I don’t want to again be asked to set up this long-standing agreement that I don’t want.

Maybe she has forgotten that I said no, that’s all I can think. But I’ve gone from a situation in which I quite liked both of them, to one in which I don’t, and it’s a bit sad. To have asked them not to park there, and for them to do it anyway feels really disrespectful.

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 16/02/2022 05:56

My very elderly neighbour spoke to my daughter about something and did ask me how I was. And no one brought up parking - I don’t want to because I don’t want to again be asked to set up this long-standing agreement that I don’t want.

Yabu not to have said anything. It’s also not clear if the car was still on your drive. If it was I would have kicked off.

When asked how I was - I'd have said I was very very annoyed and upset people were parking on my drive! 😒😑
And if they asked about an arrangement I would have literally said " what part of NO dont you understand?" (Would practicing set responses help you?)

Anyway... Get the bollard and stop talking to the CFers

Original poster
changeyourname11111 · 16/02/2022 06:11

It’s also not clear if the car was still on your drive.

No it wasn’t, it was the next day.

I guess the whole thing feels like it might be a storm in a teacup – in the sense that to be so adamant that no one can park there seems rude, that’s probably why I didn’t say anything. But I will get the bollard installed.

I just can’t imagine a situation where I would park (several times) in front of their house without asking - sulk when they said no, and do it again anyway without asking.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 16/02/2022 06:18

Put plant tubs or pots on your drive to disable car access.
Pretty simple 👍🏼

User8721643839 · 16/02/2022 06:29

You could earn extra cash by putting your drive on those Park on my Drive apps where people will pay you to park there
Tell them if they want to park there to use the app?

CecilyTheWake · 16/02/2022 06:46

You’re making this needlessly difficult by allowing them to park there. They’ve already demonstrated that they’re entitled, rude and ungrateful. Why on earth would you continue to allow them to take advantage?

MrsTimRiggins · 16/02/2022 06:58

Agree that large planters are the way forward. Relatively inexpensive, temporary as needed and also rather pretty.
She hasn’t forgotten, she’s just entitled.

Joxster · 16/02/2022 07:03

Another vote for large planters on your driveway.

They’re hoping by pushing it repeatedly you just give up and let them have your driveway.

Dentistlakes · 16/02/2022 07:04

It would be a flat no from me. Maybe I would have allows
It if they had asked in advance and it was a one off, but not a regular arrangement. If her visitors are capable of driving then they are capable of using a parking meter and paying for the privilege. Stop it now whilst you still can and install some cameras or a lockable gate.

Nailsbythesea · 16/02/2022 07:12

@GoodnightGrandma

Oh no, people take the piss ! Get a couple of heavy plant pots and block your drive.
This - asking fine you can choose. What happens when one of your kids or you have friend over - or it leaks oil or it won’t start and is there for weeks?

Personally if you aren’t using your drive just get a gate or stick a no parking sign up. It is beyond cheeky not to ask ‘as they thought you weren’t there’ buggers

Sparklywolf · 16/02/2022 07:14

It would be a flat no from me too. I have a client who once he stopped driving was always happy for neighbours to use his driveway. He had a fall and suddenly needed carers, we frequently have to park elsewhere and walk to him because despite his family writing notes to the whole street saying not to park there anymore lots still do.

Zonder · 16/02/2022 07:19

I'm with your sister. Put your bin in the middle.

whitewashing · 16/02/2022 07:19

@changeyourname11111

How would you feel if a stranger was getting out of their car on your drive when you were at your front door? What would you say to them?

My kids had no idea whose that car was and did not know the bridge/neighbour context.

How dangerous could an elderly lady be? And didn’t you give them permission to park on your drive? When your kids phoned to say their was a car on the drive, did you say, it was your neighbours friend’s car and you had said that they could park there??
WeAreTheHeroes · 16/02/2022 07:22

You've got to go round to both neighbours and say that you don't want anyone parking on your drive and never again when they haven't had the courtesy to ask. I'd use an analogy: they may not be using their garden all the time, but would they like it if your kids went round and played in it? No, they probably wouldn't.

Leave a note for your kids to put under a windscreen wiper in the event it happens again: This is private property. You do not have permission to park here. Do not park here again.

cookiemonster2468 · 16/02/2022 07:23

I just wouldn't be comfortable with it personally, so it's a no. And I would never park on anyone else's drive either - it wouldn't even occur to me to ask to park on a neighbour's drive. Just use the pay and display.

user1491404899 · 16/02/2022 07:24

You are being difficult for no reason....if it was someone i didn't know then I might be annoyed....but its not!

You have upset your neighbours for no reason!

Having a car on your drive makes it look like there's someone in to potential thieves and is actually a benefit to you!

You have been very silly in my opinion as this could cause relationships to sour permanently and dont expect help when you need it in the future!

123walrus · 16/02/2022 07:25

Yes they were both cheeky for parking there and even more so for doing it after you said no. But sometimes it pays to be the better person. You never know when you’re going to need the support of your neighbours.

Why not say to the old lady that you don’t mind her friends parking on your driveway if they need to but please ask first each time and wait for a response before doing so, as it might not always be convenient, for example if you have friends of your own over, and so you can let your children know if there’s likely to be someone they don’t know outside the house.

cookiemonster2468 · 16/02/2022 07:25

@changeyourname11111

It’s also not clear if the car was still on your drive.

No it wasn’t, it was the next day.

I guess the whole thing feels like it might be a storm in a teacup – in the sense that to be so adamant that no one can park there seems rude, that’s probably why I didn’t say anything. But I will get the bollard installed.

I just can’t imagine a situation where I would park (several times) in front of their house without asking - sulk when they said no, and do it again anyway without asking.

You're going to pay to have a bollard installed to avoid the tiny confrontation of just telling them they can't park there? Confused

Honestly, it is OK to assert your right to not have someone impinge on your private property. Don't be so passive. You're not in the wrong.

Gilly12345 · 16/02/2022 07:26

If a person does not ask permission in advance then no I would not be happy and would say not to use my drive.

It’s irrelevant that you don’t have a car as your circumstances could change and surely you have visitors who have cars?

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