Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

[changeyourname11111]

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work .

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it .

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

I think you have made a mountain out of a molehil

You have a space, the elderly neighbour needs a space . Just go with it. Should it cause a problem you can politely ask them to move

Should it cause a problem
It did it unnecessarily worried the kids.
you can politely ask them to move
That's what she's doing in the note.

If you don't mind a host of people parking in you drive and get the extra insurance accordingly then you go for it. It's not up to you to redefine OP's reasonable boundaries though and she doesn't want it. It isn't necessary to wait for further problems when "no" is fine.

The safest thing would be to get the 90 year old to take a driving test or report her. If she doesn't have a car then there's no excuse to use your drive. Before she becomes really dangerous. I'm with the rescind the offer people. It seems you're only neighbourly if you give in to the old woman who is not at all nice!

@changeyourname11111

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work .

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it .

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

I'm honestly stunned anyone would be this rude!! No way I would put up with that. Where does it stop?

@changeyourname11111

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work .

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it .

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

If you're worried about offending, how about putting plant pots across the bottom Of the drive? That way it's clearly blocked off but won't cost you much money and still looks natural, I.e. not like you have went and blocked the drive specifically because of them. Just a thought

@chlorineirene

I think you have made a mountain out of a molehil

You have a space, the elderly neighbour needs a space . Just go with it. Should it cause a problem you can politely ask them to move

It is causing a problem. Op doesn't want outsiders coming onto her property. Neighbour has refused assistance to navigate the pay and park spaces. They mustn't need any parking spaces. Even if the op's property was the only space available, outsiders have no right to trespass onto her property.

I'd better not share that I have a spare bedroom in my home (and space on my drive). Otherwise, it seems if someone needs it, my rights to quiet enjoyment of my own property comes second to the wishes of strangers.

Get the 90 year old to take a test? Who the fuck thinks you can do this? You can't just "GET" someone to take a test as a condition of parking on your bloody driveway. Only a police officer or a doctor can "get" someone to take a test. Report her? In what world are either of these things less rude than a simple "Please don't park on my driveway."? and telling CF neighbour to stop giving other people permission to park there as well?

@chaosmaker

The safest thing would be to get the 90 year old to take a driving test or report her. If she doesn't have a car then there's no excuse to use your drive. Before she becomes really dangerous. I'm with the rescind the offer people. It seems you're only neighbourly if you give in to the old woman who is not at all nice!

Penguin bollards needed.😅😅

@TrevorFountain

OP, this really resonates with me. I remember very well the period when my ExH was trying to trample all over my boundaries via the kids. It made me really conscious of having my boundaries pushed, and possibly being seen as a push-over or just invisible as a 'single mother'.

In the end I pushed back. With him, with neighbours, even with the teenagers. The neighbours got told to bloody well ask, not assume, that I'd be ok about their encroaching scaffolding, or all night parties*, or ridiculous car sagas. It was very empowering, as they say.

*They got evicted

TrevorFountain - yes I think my being on my own has something to do with it. I am glad you dealt with all the people crossing your boundaries .

My immediate neighbour has twice cut my side of the hedge without me asking, but I don’t think this gives him the right to our drive.

I’ve delivered the notes to both houses - slightly softened, but definitely saying we don’t want (their) cars on the drive, and offering help with the online parking if necessary.

I don’t think this will go down well (especially with the immediate neighbour who can be moody) but on the other hand I have done nothing wrong.

One offs because people have emergencies I would be fine with (and if they ask first), but not this assumed takeover two afternoons a week every week, and they have already done it three times without me knowing.

Anyway thanks for all the messages .

@mamaandbabas

Penguin bollards needed.😅😅

Yes that will be the next step .

You must let us know how they respond to your letter op

I would also politely but firmly tell your immediate neighbour not to cut your side of the hedge without checking with you first. We have had a 2 year long saga with neighbours who started off by "helpfully" strimming our grass and then tried to half inch a portion of the garden. Remind neighbour he may have access to trim the hedge but you would prefer this to be arranged in advance. Good fences make good neighbours - I've learned the hard way

Any update after your note OP?

I wouldn’t be surprised if they disregard the letter assuming “She’ll never know… Shhhh!”

Perhaps the old ladies might be able to get a blue badge for road parking or an annual permit?

That probably costs money… 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Justilou1

Get the 90 year old to take a test? Who the fuck thinks you can do this? You can't just "GET" someone to take a test as a condition of parking on your bloody driveway. Only a police officer or a doctor can "get" someone to take a test. Report her? In what world are either of these things less rude than a simple "Please don't park on my driveway."? and telling CF neighbour to stop giving other people permission to park there as well?

You can report unsafe drivers to the DVLA. Better than letting a preventable accident happen!

* "You can report unsafe drivers to the DVLA. Better than letting a preventable accident happen!*"

You can do a third party report to DVLA but usually you'd have to have to know them well to have all their details including about their medical or eyesight condition making them unsafe to drive. Otherwise we could all do it randomly !

I don't think it's relevant to do a 3rd party DVlA report though as suggested by another PP, it doesn't seem called for.

Glad that OP has written a note to neighbours saying they are not to tell their friends to park on her drive.

Has it worked OP?

@changeyourname11111

^ I agree with that - am thinking I either just say no on the basis that I can’t trust my immediate neighbour not to do this again (and the way he said that I was at work makes me think he has done it before), or I go for the slightly passive aggressive approach and block our drive. No need to even bring it up. Then if anyone (my CF immediate neighbour) really needs to borrow our space for whatever reason they can ask us and not just assume.

Yes, I'd get a friend to come round and leave their car on your drive so your neighbours can't use it. Alternatively, a friend comes round once your neighbour has parked and block them in.

If they'd asked I would be ok but it's cheeky and I'd therefore respond appropriately!

No response to the notes, but immediate neighbour knocked on the door this evening to borrow the spare key that we look after for them. He was sulky and monosyllabic so I guess he hasn’t at any stage thought that what he did was wrong.

I can’t imagine parking on someone’s drive and getting other people to do the same - without asking - receiving a note which politely asks not to do that - not then going round to apologise, and being sulky and rude about it when I go round to borrow the spare key we look after. Which we don’t have to .

So I was pretty monosyllabic back, gave him the key and closed the door. Upsetting because his wife and dd were in the background and normally I would have been friendly to them (and to CF neighbour).

It doesn’t feel fair.

(My exh - who knows CF neighbour well - also thinks he is a cheeky sod my dd reports. If he had been here this evening CF neighbour wouldn’t have dared to have an attitude as ex could be very direct bad tempered. I don’t normally miss ex (for a multitude of reasons), but tonight I do.)

I think you need to be a LOT less pleasant as a neighbour.

Tell him keep his bloody key and get yours back.

He sounds like a misogynistic bully who is outraged at you not accepting his CF behaviour.

Take this as a cheap lesson.

Stop being so pleasant, it is seen as weakness by CF's.

He doesn’t have our key (thank goodness) but yes I want to give him his back .

Thank you for the flowers.