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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling guilty for getting my cat neutered

559 replies

Sammy900 · 05/11/2021 22:45

Hey

Just wondering what other peoples views are and if I'm overthinking it or being unreasonable? I just want different opinions, experiences really so I can weigh up both sides....

Today our handsome boy cat went to the vets and was neutered and I've never felt so ethically uneasy and awful about making a decision for a pet. I feel like I've taken away his right to reproduce :(

Everyone keeps telling me it's for the best, he will be less likely to get into fights and be exposed to other illnesses from that, he won't spray around the house. We have two cats a boy and girl and they are brother and sister so it would be a whole load of wrongness later on ....

I just feel so uncomfortable about it, so much that I don't want anymore male pets now that I have to face this decision for. I love my pets and I suppose in some ways, further down the line of the argument it's unfair/restrictive to prevent anything from living a wild and free life.

I guess what I'm seeking is to weigh it all up and get my thoughts in the right frame and hopefully come to the conclusion that it WAS the best decision....any thoughts or experiences of a similar vein ? un-neutered pets that were a nightmare?

What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
redpeppersoup · 06/11/2021 01:03

Echoing others, you’ve done the right thing - it’s great that you’re taking the comments on board, please get your girl cat done too! I don’t think it’s possible to have a litter responsibly unless you’re a breeder, and there are so many cats out there in rescue it doesn’t make sense to purposely set out to have kittens.

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/11/2021 01:04

Animals have no legal rights or responsibilities. We as humans have responsibilities to treat them with compassion and respect, with an awareness that they are sentient and feel pain, for example.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 01:12

thecatneuterer All points taken on board. Thank you

It still feels wrong though

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 06/11/2021 01:15

It still feels wrong though Ah. Well may I politely suggest that you get over yourself Grin

WizardHowl · 06/11/2021 01:16

Are you planning to have your cats microchipped, OP?
Are you going to take them for annual health checks and vaccinations?
Will you take them to the vet when they are sick or injured?
Will you be choosing to feed them on cat biscuits and/or tinned wet food?

(Because you absolutely should be doing all of that as a responsible pet owner…)
If you’re doing those things, then you are already theoretically interfering with the cats’ ‘bodily autonomy’, so why would you draw an arbitrary line at desexing? It makes no sense.

Domestic animals are completely reliant on us for their care and welfare, and that includes us having to make decisions on their behalf that may not accord to what would happen in the wild, but which is nonetheless what is required to enable them to live safe and contented lives.

DriftingBlue · 06/11/2021 01:22

In addition to all the normal arguments, if you have ever come across a female cat who did not want to be participating in the mating process, you would no longer feel bad for neutering your cat.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 01:27

Maybe I should've worded my post differently. All the horrors and experiences shared of what happens with unwanted, overpopulated kittens and the added dangers and fights tomcats that havent been neutered - are really awful - I get that.

Yet I am still struggling with the decision to send my cat off for an operation to remove it's perfectly healthy reproductive organs.

I am just agonising over it and will make the right decision in the end (nothing to do with my own issues, I've got kids, without difficulty at all, that's not even come in to it...as others have inferred)

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 01:32

I guess this is something the majority of others just do without question?

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 06/11/2021 01:37

Not without question. People clearly understand the reasons why they've chosen to get their pets neutered.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 01:39

DriftingBlue Not sure I understand the question?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 01:50

AssassinatedBeauty hmm without pissing off literally everybody (including breeders)....I guess the question is...if I just left my pet as it is - no operations...is that best for my pet? In terms of animal rights.

OP posts:
redpeppersoup · 06/11/2021 01:55

Just curious OP, do you feel the same about putting pets to sleep? I know someone who was very much against it for the reasons you mention, it’s going against nature, ‘playing God’ etc, but I think most people including me share the view that it’s more humane to pts when you know it’s their time - it’s the same with neutering IMO, I understand where you’re coming from but it’s in their best interests.

Bufferingkisses · 06/11/2021 02:03

The problem is that is an exponential thing. Your cat has one litter, each of those has one litter, each of those... as does the cat next door, and the one next door to that.

You're right they are breed so that they can breed, as is natural. But we put them in an unnatural situation. We overpopulate then and we don't take responsibility for the effects of this. If every female cat was allowed just one litter the effect would be more feral, starving cats at risk from traffic, illness and neglect. Whilst your cat and kittens may not be those ones you can be sure that, before too long, their progeny would be.

There is absolutely no risk to your cat if they do not have a litter.

There is massive and increasing risk to your cat and their offspring onwards of they do.

Shmithecat2 · 06/11/2021 02:06

@Sammy900

AssassinatedBeauty hmm without pissing off literally everybody (including breeders)....I guess the question is...if I just left my pet as it is - no operations...is that best for my pet? In terms of animal rights.
No, its not best. Seriously, are you being deliberately obtuse? On a wind up? Or genuinely hard of thinking?
Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 02:17

redpeppersoup appreciate your point - I think if one of my pets had got to the stage that they were near the end of their life and were suffering and it would be kinder for them to be put to sleep then absolutely - but it would be a heartbreaking decision to make. This is a different kettle of fish. This is preventing straight away their ability to develop and reproduce how they otherwise would (domesticated or not) - I'm taking that away before they even have a chance and therefore is more of a dilemma (well to me anyway)

Bufferingkisses - I totally get this point. The responsibility of the wider issue doesn't just stop with my family cat and one litter. Yeah I get that. Thank you

As I said before I want to weigh it all up and arguments like this help me rationalise it and somewhere down the line it might over sway the gut feeling that I have that it's wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 02:22

Shmithecat2 I'm not being deliberately anything. I am genuinely questioning a decision that rests uneasy with me now that I'm faced with it.

OP posts:
Furries · 06/11/2021 02:35

@Sammy900 - you have 100% done the right thing. For all the reasons that many posters have said. And the procedure for male cats is relatively simple.

You should definitely get your female spayed. They can fall pregnant from a very young age and it only takes one chance encounter to change everything. How would you feel about taking on the time, responsibility and learning re seeing your girl through pregnancy and giving birth - and then the responsibility of seeing the kittens go to a really good home?

Any responsible owner would neuter/spay their cats.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 02:49

Furries There are worries and major concerns that have been raised above that I have taken on board with letting a female cat have a litter with a random street Tom. In terms of care, I do have previous experience with pregnant cats, seeing them through birth, tiny baby kittens and how to look after them. I have been brought up with cats. I wouldn't be a stranger to it. These were my experiences from years ago though, as a teenager in my home that I grew up in. Now that I have my own cats as pets as a 40+ I am faced with what the right decisions are. It's not that I'm unfamiliar. It's more of an ethical decision for me. The wider issues as people have pointed out are a concern, so I'm listening ....

OP posts:
Furries · 06/11/2021 02:50

And if you keep saying/thinking “oh, but it feels wrong” - then you shouldn’t be a cat owner.

If you’re serious about cat ownership, and the welfare of your cat(s), then there should be no hesitation re neutering/spaying.

If your girl isn’t done, how would you feel if she needed up pregnant by another cat who’s owners hadn’t had their boy “”done”! You’ll be the one having to see her through the pregnancy. And to reverse it, your boy could have created that situation for another household.

Responsible cat ownership, at the very least, means - neuter/spay, get insurance, flea/worm.

Furries · 06/11/2021 02:57

@Sammy900

Furries There are worries and major concerns that have been raised above that I have taken on board with letting a female cat have a litter with a random street Tom. In terms of care, I do have previous experience with pregnant cats, seeing them through birth, tiny baby kittens and how to look after them. I have been brought up with cats. I wouldn't be a stranger to it. These were my experiences from years ago though, as a teenager in my home that I grew up in. Now that I have my own cats as pets as a 40+ I am faced with what the right decisions are. It's not that I'm unfamiliar. It's more of an ethical decision for me. The wider issues as people have pointed out are a concern, so I'm listening ....
Sorry, but you’re now talking bollocks.

There is nothing questionably “ethical” about cat neutering.

There are others on here who have far more knowledge than me re this, so I’m not going to give misleading stats.

You’ve had your boy done which is great. But you really need to get your girl done ASAP.

starrynight21 · 06/11/2021 03:09

I don't believe that male cats have a right to reproduce. Intact males simply have a hard-wired need to mate with any and every female cat in the neighborhood. They don't stick around to be Daddy to all the little unwanted kittens, they just "hit and run". So never feel guilty for depriving him of fatherhood - he wasn't going to experience that anyway.

groovergirl · 06/11/2021 03:11

If you have ever come across a female cat who did not want to be participating in the mating process, you would no longer feel bad for neutering your cat.

This. The male's penis has spines, which scrape the female's vagina and trigger ovulation. Cat sex is no fun for the ladies.

My former NDNs didn't have their tom neutered in time to stop him from mating with his sister. The kittens were disabled -- wonky eyes and feet, vision problems, kept banging into things. No one wanted to adopt them, so it was an expensive decade or so in that household as all the kittens had to be neutered or spayed and generally patched up by the vet.

Rest easy, OP. You're looking after your boy.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 03:18

Furries

Of course it's ethical - it's a life changing procedure vs what's best in the long run / wider perspective and I'm the person that gets to make that decision. I'm simply questioning if it's right or not.

What I don't understand is why it's so hard to fathom that I'm even questioning it...haha this has gone into a meta argument, which wasn't the point of the thread actually

OP posts:
RunningScarabbed · 06/11/2021 03:21

Pets can't live a wild and free life, really. It's not what they've been bred for, and so that's not something I'd worry about. "Reproduction" isn't all it's cracked up to be, anyway. I don't feel guilty about having my pets spayed/neutered. It's what's best for them.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 03:26

starrynight21

You don't believe that male cats have a right to reproduce? because they want to get their end away (???? that's what mating is)

I am actually shocked at some of the responses on here...

I have never said there is this dreamy vision of fatherhood/family bliss that cats have - what? That is so weird to even suggest. I never ever said that - now that is anthropomorphic.

They are born with bits to reproduce, animalistically and mate in their animal ways - is it right that I take that away as a pet owner - that's the question

OP posts: