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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling guilty for getting my cat neutered

559 replies

Sammy900 · 05/11/2021 22:45

Hey

Just wondering what other peoples views are and if I'm overthinking it or being unreasonable? I just want different opinions, experiences really so I can weigh up both sides....

Today our handsome boy cat went to the vets and was neutered and I've never felt so ethically uneasy and awful about making a decision for a pet. I feel like I've taken away his right to reproduce :(

Everyone keeps telling me it's for the best, he will be less likely to get into fights and be exposed to other illnesses from that, he won't spray around the house. We have two cats a boy and girl and they are brother and sister so it would be a whole load of wrongness later on ....

I just feel so uncomfortable about it, so much that I don't want anymore male pets now that I have to face this decision for. I love my pets and I suppose in some ways, further down the line of the argument it's unfair/restrictive to prevent anything from living a wild and free life.

I guess what I'm seeking is to weigh it all up and get my thoughts in the right frame and hopefully come to the conclusion that it WAS the best decision....any thoughts or experiences of a similar vein ? un-neutered pets that were a nightmare?

What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
TimeToSay · 06/11/2021 00:20

@thecatneuterer

We have decided to let our girl cat have a litter and then get spayed...so maybe that's where the incongruence lies with my ethics

Christ almighty! Why would you do that?? Have you any idea how many unwanted kittens and cats there are already in the UK? Even if you find good homes for them you are taking a home another kitten that has been allowed to come into the world through irresponsible ownership could have had. It won't benefit your cat in any way at all. For a start she'll be gang raped by a posse of toms. She may be chased so far she gets lost and ends up giving birth outside somewhere. The pregnancy and birth is dangerous; many cats die giving birth. And then, after she's reared potentially 7 or 8 kittens, they will all be taken away from her and she'll be very upset for a while.

If you do that you are being very, very irresponsible and your 'ethics' are frankly shit.

100% this.

You're willingly putting the poor thing through multiple tortures at best and risking her dying at worst.

Terrible pet owner behaviour. I sincerely hope this thread makes you change your mind for your poor cats sake.

ChuckGarabedian · 06/11/2021 00:23

Your girl cat is not going to be sitting around thinking “damn it, I’d have been such a good mum.” Just get her sorted too OP. It’s the best thing all round.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:24

I have read all of your replies and am now seriously considering getting our girl cat spayed. Very good and overwhelming arguments in favour of doing so. So thank you. She is only young and at the age to be having this discussion.

It still sits uneasy with me though, not really addressed the point of the thread yet ...seems the majority are straight away all for it. No question

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:27

Also please don't assume I'm sat here thinking that there is this magical anthropomorphic version of family life or something. I know they are animals - I'm simply questioning the right I have to take their mating abilities away

OP posts:
Clymene · 06/11/2021 00:28

@Sammy900

I have read all of your replies and am now seriously considering getting our girl cat spayed. Very good and overwhelming arguments in favour of doing so. So thank you. She is only young and at the age to be having this discussion.

It still sits uneasy with me though, not really addressed the point of the thread yet ...seems the majority are straight away all for it. No question

Do you think your life would be pointless if you never have children? That's a pretty weird thing to think. Why are you putting that on a cat?
Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:29

I meant the humans to be having the discussion (ha not the cat, before anyone starts on that)

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 06/11/2021 00:30

Well I'm very pleased if this has changed your mind. Unfortunately rational arguments don't seem to work with a lot of the people I have to deal with. It's refreshing when it does!

The ideal age to neuter is 4 months. I'm going to post this link again. www.celiahammond.org/index.php/faqs/neutering-info

This is the rescue I'm with. We're a specialist neuter clinic and we neuter thousands of cats and kittens every year. It's a quick operation and the kittens are bouncing around again the same evening and don't seem to notice anything has happened.

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/11/2021 00:37

It's been addressed. They are pet animals, a species which has been domesticated for thousands of years, bred to suit people and their purposes. Cats don't have rights. We have responsibilities towards them if we choose to keep them as pets, and part of that is to prevent unwanted litters of kittens and all the other issues that people have mentioned on this thread.

You aren't thinking about the fact that you control every other aspect of your cats lives, just this one specific one. It's about your issues not the cat's rights.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:37

Thank you thecatneuterer My boy cat is fine after his op today, playing normally. My girl cat is 4 months now so in the age that we can get her done.

I can see a lot of people are very passionate on this topic, I 100% don't want to do the wrong thing by my pets - I still feel the same though, is it the right thing? So far no counter arguments....anyone dare to go against the grain and say otherwise?

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 06/11/2021 00:42

All the welfare organisations and cat charities, vets and vet colleges say the same thing. Everyone on here says the same thing. What more do you want? If a random person pops up on this thread and says 'actually, I think neutering is wrong', does that negate all the advice given by all the people and organisations that are in a position to really know what they're talking about?

Shmithecat2 · 06/11/2021 00:43

I did rescue and TNR for 7 years, in another country. It was fucking heartbreaking. And totally avoidable, but for idiots who let their unneutered cats roam and breed indiscriminately.
I've dealt with kittens less than 4mo that were pregnant.
I've had new born kittens die on me.
I've had months old kittens die on me because of viruses like panleuk.
I've had to clean MAGGOTS out of cats wounds from fights.
I've had to sit up all night hoping a cat doesn't die on me.
I've had to dress wounds on myself, being bitten literally to the bone when administering medication to sickly cats.
I've had to force myself out of bed in the mornings, because sometimes it got so much, the thought of what I might face in that day was almost too much to deal with.

Just a couple of weeks ago, it was me a neighbour called at 8am on a Sunday to ask me for help because she'd found a cat half dead in her garden - unneutered tom, suspected hit by a car.
It was me that had to get my 5yo son up and dressed, and bring him with me to the nearest vet open that Sunday to help the cat.
It was me that had to drive 10 miles to the vets, with the cat, his distressed moaning in fucking agony from the carrier breaking my heart.
It was me that burst into tears as soon as I tried to tell the vet what the emergency was.
It was me that sat in my car feeling sick.
It was me the vet had to give the awful news to that the cat had passed literally seconds after I handed him over.
It was me that had to bin the cat carrier and towel the cat was wrapped in, as his bodily released itself when he died.
It was me that then had to try and not sob all the way home, whilst explaining to my son why the cat wasn't coming home with us.

And it's me that has PTSD from some of the things I've witnessed because of ignorant, selfish idiots like you. But I'm pretty sure idiots like you won't give a fuck and carry on regardless anyway.

Just10moreminutesplease · 06/11/2021 00:45

I think if you’re uncomfortable about neutering/spaying cats then you shouldn’t choose to have them.

Unwanted kittens are a huge problem.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:46

Clymene I didn't say that their life would be pointless - they were born with the ability to reproduce and I have actively taken that away - it's not an easy decision to make

AssassinatedBeauty Of course animals have rights - I already said above I'm aware that I'm controlling a lot of aspects in their life as a household pet - but for some reason an operation to remove their bits has made me feel uncomfortable - I don't think that's too hard to understand

OP posts:
gofg · 06/11/2021 00:46

I can't believe your attitude OP. Entire male cats do not live a happy life, they get into fights, they get infections from wounds, they wander far and wide, and they are at risk of getting feline Aids. What do you think happens to the kittens which result from your cat's "right to reproduce"? They too are usually condemned to a life fraught with illness and danger. You say you love your pets, but actually your words tell us that you don't, and I would suggest you don't have any in future.

Summerfun54321 · 06/11/2021 00:47

Today I saw a pet cat kill 2 little innocent field mice while I was on a walk today. The cat killed them and just left them dead on the path. Stopping cats reproducing means saving the lives of innocent wild creatures they kill. You’ve done a good thing.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 06/11/2021 00:48

You surely must have watched feral cat rescue on youtube, they are always featuring unneutered cats with FIV and their faces and bodies mangled from fighting and carrying on.
They all die young and of preventable diseases.
They are much happier and calmer neutered.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:49

Shmithecat2 That's awful I'm sorry to read your experiences

OP posts:
Clymene · 06/11/2021 00:51

@Sammy900

Thank you thecatneuterer My boy cat is fine after his op today, playing normally. My girl cat is 4 months now so in the age that we can get her done.

I can see a lot of people are very passionate on this topic, I 100% don't want to do the wrong thing by my pets - I still feel the same though, is it the right thing? So far no counter arguments....anyone dare to go against the grain and say otherwise?

No one is 'daring' to go against the grain because they aren't colossally stupid.

Animals are not sad if they never reproduce. Because they're animals.

Shmithecat2 · 06/11/2021 00:51

@Sammy900

Shmithecat2 That's awful I'm sorry to read your experiences
Hopefully, you're sorry enough to get your cat neutered and see that there is no benefit whatsoever to letting her keep her reproductive organs. Cats don't care about have babies.
Louise5754 · 06/11/2021 00:52

What the hell? Why do you feel bad for the male but not the female who will have to carry and birth the kittens?

To make money?

I can't believe you admitted that actually.

Clymene · 06/11/2021 00:54

My cats have all been neutered as soon as possible. My last pair (sisters) died at 19 and 21. My current ones (brothers) are 8. Neutered cats less long happy and healthy lives. Unneutered ones, not so much.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 06/11/2021 00:56

Thank you for your contributions, and for making me reconsider what happens with my girl cat. There's clearly a lot of dangers I wasn't aware of.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 06/11/2021 01:00

My sister really agonised over having having her female cat spayed. I think as she (sister) had had such a hard time getting pregnant, she'd always wanted children, so for her to deny that to her much loved cat felt wrong.

She said she wasn't putting human emotions on to the cat, but of course she was really. No dramatic end to this story, she did get the cat spayed. It did escape before the op, and she was dreading/hoping that it would come back pregnant but magically it did not.

Excited101 · 06/11/2021 01:01

I would go to the animal shelter to collect kittens for fostering. And I would walk past cages containing the loveliest looking young cats you’d ever see. Just sitting there, looking at you when you walked past. Some of those cats will spend years living in a cage.

The centre tries to foster as many of its kittens as possible so they get used to being in a house with the sounds, smells and experiences that that brings, but there’s not always enough homes to take them so then they too are sitting in cages while they wait.

There is absolutely no benefit to a cat to have a litter of kittens, in the same way you might ‘interfere with nature’ to have a pet put to sleep as it’s the kindest thing, having your pet spayed ASAP is more than just kind, it’s essential.

I cannot explain to you how heartbreaking it is to deal with unwanted animals, please just take the advice who have the experience of it in a way that you do not.

thecatneuterer · 06/11/2021 01:03

@Sammy900

Thank you for your contributions, and for making me reconsider what happens with my girl cat. There's clearly a lot of dangers I wasn't aware of.
It's not just the dangers to your cat - it's the fact that you would be adding to the huge numbers of unwanted cats in this country. That's the bit you don't seem to have accepted/registered/care about. Doesn't that bother you?