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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling guilty for getting my cat neutered

559 replies

Sammy900 · 05/11/2021 22:45

Hey

Just wondering what other peoples views are and if I'm overthinking it or being unreasonable? I just want different opinions, experiences really so I can weigh up both sides....

Today our handsome boy cat went to the vets and was neutered and I've never felt so ethically uneasy and awful about making a decision for a pet. I feel like I've taken away his right to reproduce :(

Everyone keeps telling me it's for the best, he will be less likely to get into fights and be exposed to other illnesses from that, he won't spray around the house. We have two cats a boy and girl and they are brother and sister so it would be a whole load of wrongness later on ....

I just feel so uncomfortable about it, so much that I don't want anymore male pets now that I have to face this decision for. I love my pets and I suppose in some ways, further down the line of the argument it's unfair/restrictive to prevent anything from living a wild and free life.

I guess what I'm seeking is to weigh it all up and get my thoughts in the right frame and hopefully come to the conclusion that it WAS the best decision....any thoughts or experiences of a similar vein ? un-neutered pets that were a nightmare?

What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/11/2021 23:09

You’ve done the right thing. No ferals and a happier, calmer and healthier cat who will be much closer to home and you.

LittleDandelionClock · 05/11/2021 23:10

What a very odd thread. Confused

Greygreenblue · 05/11/2021 23:14

Why so much angst about the boy but not the girl? You are getting her done too right? There are enough unwanted cats in this world. They’re domesticated animals not wild animals. You also choose his food for him, when he goes outside and where he lives. They don’t have self determination. It is your responsibility to make the best choices for him and this is it.

Suzanne999 · 05/11/2021 23:18

I think you’re putting human emotions and reasoning onto an animal.
First, you’re being a responsible animal owner.
Your cat is less likely to get into fights with other cats, therefore less likely to get injured.
It’s a win win all round.
Your cat will be completely recovered from this minor op in a day or two. Don’t beat yourself up unnecessarily.

Original poster
Sammy900 · 05/11/2021 23:19

minipie I suppose I do mean his right to sex, I didn't think he'd be into the family life haha.

I totally agree with all the arguments stating that cats are domesticated by us, but sending him off to get his bit chopped off just seems like a step too far in the interference with nature - this is ultimately something I decided was the right thing to do....but I'm feeling uneasy about it.

Thankyou for the posts reassuring me that it was the right thing this is was I need to here - what happens if you don't and how the alternative can have a detrimental impact

Skysblue your comment was really helpful thank you

We have decided to let our girl cat have a litter and then get spayed...so maybe that's where the incongruence lies with my ethics

OP posts:
WizardHowl · 05/11/2021 23:19

Assuming this is real, of course getting your cat neutered is the right decision. Go and spend a day working at a cat rescue shelter if you’re wrestling with some weird scruples about allowing him to reproduce. See the consequences of idiot owners who think it’s ok to allow un-neutered pets to reproduce, and then have a word with yourself.

And why haven’t you had your female cat spayed?? If you haven’t, which I’m assuming as you talk about not getting a male pet again, as thought female pets don’t also need to be desexed, then you are grossly irresponsible and frankly shouldn’t be allowed to own animals. Just get it done FFS.

Pottedpalm · 05/11/2021 23:20

@specialsauce

I think the ultimate place we need to be eventually is for the idea of owning 'pets' to be a thing of the past. One day it will be seen as selfish and outdated.
Oh my, this is harsh. My beautiful much lived little cat died at the vet’s today. She was my companion through dark days of treatment and I loved her very much.
Original poster
Sammy900 · 05/11/2021 23:20

hear (correction)

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 05/11/2021 23:22

He’s a pet. His “rights” to pretty much everything are entirely in your hands, so adding the removal of free reproduction to that is negligible.

I’ve always had boy cats and they’ve always been neutered. They sulk with a cone for a few days and after that they’ve no concept of what’s missing. They’ve just remained in an almost kitten-like state in many ways: docile, friendly, cheerful and all the things I want a pet to be. When I lived rurally there were always un-neutered semi-feral / farm tom cats wandering around the village and that’s not what you want your boy to be like: they were hostile, miserable loners.

TheCategoryIs · 05/11/2021 23:24

Way more guilt should be felt by irresponsible owners who do not get their cats neutered (male and female). There are far too many cats already, many of them struggling on the streets, having more kittens. They have a right to a comfortable life. Even when owners have people they can give (or sell) kittens to, this means fewer people at the rescues where there are also plenty of kittens.

WizardHowl · 05/11/2021 23:24

Oh I cross-posted with you OP, and missed your update about forcing your female cat to become a brood mare for no good reason at all apart from your stupidity.I has assumed you could read and understand the reams of information available on the internet, for example, about why it is far healthier to desex pets before they hit adulthood, and how there is no health-related reason at all to make female cats have a litter before spaying them. So congratulations on planning to either make a profit from your cat (where are your ethical qualms with that?), or contribute knowingly to the massive unwanted kitten problem.

You’re obviously hard of thinking so there’s no point engaging with you.

WonderfulYou · 05/11/2021 23:25

Slightly different scenario but I know of two female dogs who became seriously ill and died because they were not neutered.

It’s not ‘natural’ to have pets neutered as they wouldn’t do this in the wild. But it’s also not ‘natural’ to have a pet living in a house, eating out of a bowl, sitting on a sofa etc. So there are going to be differences between a wild and domesticated animal.
Most wild animals will have a litter or 2 and then die at a young age. We want our animals to stay healthy and alive so we need to neuter them instead.
There is also no reason to have a litter before getting them neutered.

RealBecca · 05/11/2021 23:28

If you subscribe to wild and free then logically you mist agree that there is a natural limit...that there wont be enough food or drink or homes.

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 05/11/2021 23:29

It's good to do. I am reluctant to get a female pet as spaying is far more invasive and potentially fatal operation (still hugely unlikely tho)!

Shmithecat2 · 05/11/2021 23:29

@Sammy900

minipie I suppose I do mean his right to sex, I didn't think he'd be into the family life haha.

I totally agree with all the arguments stating that cats are domesticated by us, but sending him off to get his bit chopped off just seems like a step too far in the interference with nature - this is ultimately something I decided was the right thing to do....but I'm feeling uneasy about it.

Thankyou for the posts reassuring me that it was the right thing this is was I need to here - what happens if you don't and how the alternative can have a detrimental impact

Skysblue your comment was really helpful thank you

We have decided to let our girl cat have a litter and then get spayed...so maybe that's where the incongruence lies with my ethics

Why have you decided that? Why does she need to have a litter? How will it benefit her? How do you intend to get her mated?
foxgoosefinch · 05/11/2021 23:30

Also OP, not only does cat sex hurt the female, but unneutered males hassle and bully female cats. My mother’s (spayed) female cat has been completely victimised by a local unneutered Tom, who hassled her to the point that he was getting in the house through her cat flap by brute force and terrifying her. His owner was eventually persuaded to neuter him but he’d been conducting a campaign of bullying around the whole neighbourhood’s cats by that point!

So thinking of him as having a right to sex is forgetting all the other cats who ought to have a right not to be chased and terrified.

HikingforScenery · 05/11/2021 23:30

@specialsauce

I think the ultimate place we need to be eventually is for the idea of owning 'pets' to be a thing of the past. One day it will be seen as selfish and outdated.
I agree with this
tickledtiger · 05/11/2021 23:31

Is this post a joke?

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 05/11/2021 23:31

Before having a litter, look at home overrun your local cat rescues are. Then look on places like gumtree and pets4homes and see how many are being given away for a pittance. Then please SEE SENSE

BlueMoon23 · 05/11/2021 23:31

Please do get both of your cats neutered asap. Health-wise it is much better for them. I am curious about your ideas around letting your female have a litter first. This will actually be really traumatic for your cat. Firstly she will get set upon every time she goes outside by every male in the local area. Then she will have to go through pregnancy and labour for you to give away or sell the kittens. What exactly is the benefit for her? The best thing you can do for them both is get them neutered

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/11/2021 23:35

Neutered toms have a greater life expectancy than entire toms.

We acquired an entire male once. He was quite old, but a real mess. One ear so badly damaged it had to be removed, the other ear ragged and bent back over his head. He was still fighting, but just didn't have the speed and energy any more. He was having a rotten life.

TheSpottedZebra · 05/11/2021 23:37

Have you ever seen or heard cat sex? It is not some romantic, magical experience. The penis is barbed, so it can go in, but really hurts to come out. The cat is usually held down by biting. It's hormone driven, not emotional. This is what you want for your cat?

And then she'll get pregnant give birth to however many kittens. Hopefully an easy birth but not guaranteed. Hopefully they'll be born alive. And you'll dish them out to your friends, or sell them?

And you'll feel happy that you let your cat have that amazing experience?

Seriously, just watch kitten videos on YouTube and get her neutered.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 05/11/2021 23:40

YANBU reasonable to neuter your make cat but you are definitely being unreasonable to purposefully breed from your female cat before having her spayed.

thecatneuterer · 05/11/2021 23:40

We have decided to let our girl cat have a litter and then get spayed...so maybe that's where the incongruence lies with my ethics

Christ almighty! Why would you do that?? Have you any idea how many unwanted kittens and cats there are already in the UK? Even if you find good homes for them you are taking a home another kitten that has been allowed to come into the world through irresponsible ownership could have had. It won't benefit your cat in any way at all. For a start she'll be gang raped by a posse of toms. She may be chased so far she gets lost and ends up giving birth outside somewhere. The pregnancy and birth is dangerous; many cats die giving birth. And then, after she's reared potentially 7 or 8 kittens, they will all be taken away from her and she'll be very upset for a while.

If you do that you are being very, very irresponsible and your 'ethics' are frankly shit.

thecatneuterer · 05/11/2021 23:44

@tickledtiger

Is this post a joke?
I really, really hope so. But it would seem the world is full of cat owners who don't have the faintest idea about what being a responsible owner means. After all the campaigns by welfare organisations and with all the information so easily available online, many, many people still seem oblivious. It's so disheartening. I just don't understand what it will take to get the message through.
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