Another toddler attacked and bit my child's face

[nova99]

Dd attends a local nursery and she came home today with a huge dark red bite mark covering half her cheek. Nursery called me in the afternoon to tell me this had happened. However when I went to collect her she had a the huge (very swollen) bite mark, a scratch on her head, a bloody scratch on her chin and a deep scratch that looks like it had been bleeding in the other side of her face with lots of little scratches around it.
She looks like she's been mauled and I'm absolutely horrified.
Nursery staff told me that another child had done this to her. However they said they could hear her crying and went to find her hiding in her sleep area and saw the marks. They were apologetic, said the child in question had bitten other children that day and they will be talking to the child's parents.
It just doesn't feel like enough. She's only just turned 2. She's a quiet, delicate little thing which makes this all the more heartbreaking.

I'm so angry. It's not like a few little scratches. I'll need to take her to the doctor for the scratch and the bite alone. She complained of pain in her cheek so I gave her calpol.

What can I even do? Who can I even complain to? I know kids rough and tumble but honestly this is something else

*this is the main reason I’ve not used a nursery for my boy as even though he’s super sweet and a lovely little thing he’s massive for his age (size of an average 3yo and pretty heavy handed. I know I’d be getting constant ‘he klonked so and so today’ calls. I just can’t deal with that!

Hi, my son at age 2 used to bite at nursery and I was mortified but as a parent not at the nursery there was little that I could do? I can't punish him at home hours later.

But the nursery spent time trying to work out what his triggers were so they could either resolve or at least be ready.

He was close to being put on a behaviour plan which was to formalise the above. Didn't get there.

Maybe you can ask what they are doing to manage the other child's behaviour

She has been put on antibiotics and has a dressing on the deep scratch. It didn't need stitches but they are advising Vaseline to keep it from scarring.

I have an older child and have been through the phase at nursery where they are all hurting each other. Signed a lot of accident reports. Believe me when I say she looks like she's been properly assaulted. There's some bruising coming out on her forehead now and both cheeks are now swollen.

How nursery fund a 1:1 isn't my problem. If the child needs it to keep others safe, that's what they need to do. Regardless of what they do now, it doesn't matter, as I'm removing her from their care. It isn't the biting, it's the fact no one saw it and they found her hiding. It boils my blood just thinking about it

Fair enough, I stand corrected on the puppies issue, then.

Do they only 'nip' rather than full-blown biting, or are they just not allowed near anybody until they're old enough to have learnt?!

@nova99

She has been put on antibiotics and has a dressing on the deep scratch. It didn't need stitches but they are advising Vaseline to keep it from scarring.

I have an older child and have been through the phase at nursery where they are all hurting each other. Signed a lot of accident reports. Believe me when I say she looks like she's been properly assaulted. There's some bruising coming out on her forehead now and both cheeks are now swollen.

How nursery fund a 1:1 isn't my problem. If the child needs it to keep others safe, that's what they need to do. Regardless of what they do now, it doesn't matter, as I'm removing her from their care. It isn't the biting, it's the fact no one saw it and they found her hiding. It boils my blood just thinking about it

The poor thing would probably be scared to go back anyway! Glad she's okay

The nursery should have a biter policy for children who bite. My dc nursery did and that was 10 years ago. There should be steps detailed in it how they deal with biters.

What a lot of hysteria and overreacting.

I agree, it is up to the nursery to decide how to provide care to keep children safe. They have to factor the costs into their business plan.

It will never be that a bring incident doesn’t occur - when dealing with toddlers, toddler behaviours will happen, however well they are supervised. However, after an incident like this, they should be leaping to put in place a plan to make sure it doesn’t happen like this again.

Personally, I would have gone back for a further chat to clarify what happened, to see their incident report and to look at their policies for supervision and ratios etc and to discuss their plan for ensuring the same thing didn’t happen again in the same way. This isn’t the same as making them promise she will never be bitten again….they cannot make that promise. If I wasn’t happy with their responses in this conversation or next steps plan, then I would be leaving. But I think I would give a chance to talk it through and see paperwork first. But that’s me, who hasn’t got a small child who has been badly bitten…I’m able to take a step back.

Biting happens in nurseries and of course parents will never like it. The way the nursery is running, it’s ratios, supervision and the way it responds to an incident like this is all key. Avoiding any incidents of toddlers hurting each other is impossible….but constantly working to minimise and respond to the traits of individuals as they show up, is absolutely key.

For anyone looking for nurseries, a good Q to ask when looking round, is ‘how would the nursery respond if one toddler hurt another by biting or by hitting them with an object’. The response to this is very telling. The right answer goes beyond informing the parent of the injured chikd and speaking to the parents of the child who did the hurting. It should involve assessing what happened and the circumstances under which it happened, recording it, and the process to put in place a plan to reduce the liklihood if it happening again.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

You are comparing fully grown men who are able to control impulses and make rational choices at all times.

Toddlers do not have this control or the ability to regulate impulses. There's comparing apples and oranges and saying they are all part of a group of fruit.

No - I clearly stated that they were not the same, but that I was addressing the principle of accepting unacceptable behaviour and restricting yourself as a means of dealing with it. Of course, the treatment of a biting toddler and a violent man would be extremely different in nature, but their behaviours both still need to be addressed and not simply ignored.

I don't understand how you could possibly apply this principle that a child should never have to encounter bad behaviour that we wouldn't tolerate from adults at nursery. If you sent every child who did anything that would be deemed unacceptable adult behaviour home then within a day or two there would be no children left...

I'd be absolutely furious OP. If this other child is a known biter then he should not be unsupervised.

@CampagVelocet

What a lot of hysteria and overreacting.

I bet your kid is a biter

I haven't read all posts but have read the first couple of pages. I am gobsmacked by the responses. This is completely unacceptable. For a child with a tendency to bite in such a vicious way to be left unsupervised long enough to brutally assault (because that is what this is) OPs daughter is totally unacceptable.
What if he had gauged her eye out? She needs antibiotics ffs! My child would never be going there again, no question.

From what you have said to me this sounds more like she was attacked by another toddler, it wasn’t a quick bite and the staff were on it, if she’s got multiple scratches and bites then it’s lasted a while before anyone has noticed. If you do anything do it in writing/email. Just remember ultimately all you can do is take your daughter out, but I would email , take photos and query why she has got multiple bites/marks/scratches presumably because she wasn’t being supervised as adequately. I’d also follow their advise and get it checked. Xx

Report to OFSTED OP. I visited a childminder with a view to leaving my small DS there. She said there had been an incident where her 2 year old had bitten another child & as a consequence had been downgraded to a ‘required improvement’ status as the parent (a teacher) had reported to OFSTED.

I then checked online she had been downgraded me requires improvement but hasn’t told me the full story. An OFSTED official had made an uninformed visit & found her ratios to children way out (had too many) so obviously wasn’t able to supervise properly.

I obviously didn’t use her, I didn’t like I wasn’t told the full story by her & wasn’t sure my DS could be kept safe.

The lack of the incident not being seen would definitely raise alarm bells for me. Glad you’re removing her OP & Hope it all heals soon.

& for the poster saying about HIV?? Christ are you mad

I'm really sorry this has happened to your daughter but what else do you expect? They've apologised, they've spoke to parents of the child who bit (they are probably horrified their child did this too!). It's down to the nursery to supervise more.

I know someone's who's child was kicked out of a pre school for scratching a child badly on their face, amongst a few other issues. The person I know was mortified at the time but he is a fairly average teenager now who does not go round biting of scratching. Often just a passing phase for some children.

I hope your dd feels better soon!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

You are comparing fully grown men who are able to control impulses and make rational choices at all times.

Toddlers do not have this control or the ability to regulate impulses. There's comparing apples and oranges and saying they are all part of a group of fruit.

No - I clearly stated that they were not the same, but that I was addressing the principle of accepting unacceptable behaviour and restricting yourself as a means of dealing with it. Of course, the treatment of a biting toddler and a violent man would be extremely different in nature, but their behaviours both still need to be addressed and not simply ignored.

Without being blunt there's not one post on here that's like oh do nothing.

There are people saying toddlers tend to do this type of thing but the nursery is 100% accountable here.

Comparing a toddler biting to a violent adult male attacker implies a cognitive thought process that isn't there with the toddler. It's just not the same because you can't hold a toddler accountable. Linking them is ridiculous.

Accountability doesn't lie with the toddler, the accountability is with the nursery to ensure the child is safe.

I'm surprised too as a thread not that long about an OPs child who had been bitten went completely differently

And I do think it's unacceptable and no it isn't something toddlers do to the extent the OP has described

The biter sounds like a nasty little so and so and I'd want answers from the nursery how they intend to deal with him/her and the parents as I suspect they also minimise their behaviour

@tiggerwhocamefortea they are two ffs. Two year olds are not nasty little so and sos.

@Wineandroses3

From what you have said to me this sounds more like she was attacked by another toddler, it wasn’t a quick bite and the staff were on it, if she’s got multiple scratches and bites then it’s lasted a while before anyone has noticed. If you do anything do it in writing/email. Just remember ultimately all you can do is take your daughter out, but I would email , take photos and query why she has got multiple bites/marks/scratches presumably because she wasn’t being supervised as adequately. I’d also follow their advise and get it checked. Xx

This is a point many seem to be missing. It wasn’t a simple biting incident. The little one has a deep gouge, scratches and bruises besides the bite mark. She was so scared she was hiding. The place is neglectful for allowing it to go this far.

Poor little dear. I’m glad to hear she won’t be going back there.

"The biter sounds like a nasty little so and so and I'd want answers from the nursery how they intend to deal with him/her and the parents as I suspect they also minimise their behaviour"

I suspect you know very little.