To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

It is 30 minutes that someone is going to sit in the car with the baby outside. Its not a big deal.
I’ve never in my life known an NHS clinic to run to schedule – it’s not only the 30-minute appointment, it’s:

Walk from car park to clinic, often through labyrinthine hospital
Allowing being there ahead of time
Clinic overrunning by anyway from minutes to hours
Appointment
Follow-up at reception with paperwork or whatever
Getting back to the car

It could be hours.

[quote lawandgin]@EmmaGrundyForPM exactly what I came on to say. And I say it as someone who could well face the same issue as OP in a few months as I am now pregnant (following IVF, incidentally). It is not appropriate to take your child to a gynae clinic, sorry OP but I think you're being a bit OTT here. You could be in and out in 30 minutes. [/quote]
And if you have no one able to look after them? What do you do then?

I had similar 5 years ago and just took my breastfed baby. No drama, no fuss and no one batted an eyelid. She was fed in the waiting room and slept through the whole thing. Telling new mums with tiny breastfed babies that they can't take their babies to appointments effectively bars new mums from accessing medial care, which is discriminatory.

That said, I didn't ask, I just turned up with her. I never I imagined that a hospital clinic for new mums suffering birth injuries wouldn't allow babies. Older children, fair enough, but not newborns.

Also in my hospital, d&c patients are treated on the gynaecology ward. All 'miscarriage' patients up to 20 weeks are treated on there not l&d or obstetrics. If you'd just had a miscarriage would you like to see a new born baby? We had lots of complaints about the visiting policy and babies on the gynae ward.

Then the hospital should sort that out some other way. I’ve had miscarriages and been sitting bleeding in waiting rooms waiting for scans etc. I wouldn’t insist on a breastfed newborn being separated from its mother for my benefit.
(I know OP’s baby isn’t really a newborn but you mentioned newborns in your comment about the policy at your hospital)

Oh, and I cuddled/fed one of mine throughout my repairs for my second degree tear. Newborns are tiny and really don't get in the way.

@Whereismumhiding3

Where can the baby go? Did you miss the bit where I said a sling OR a car seat? Depending on the baby, depending on what needs doing, another option is a pushchair (if there isn't space for one, there isn't space for a wheelchair, so this hypothetical hospital room isn't fit for purpose anyway.) Other options are available. There are a million different products on the market for putting babies in. In a pinch, they'll be fine on a blanket on the floor for a short appointment.

People are determined to see babies as problems with a million "what ifs". But postpartum mothers are human beings, as are their babies, and they have specific healthcare needs.

Also, every medical appointment contains "what ifs". What if the patient has learning or communication difficulties, or a disability that makes it take longer to get undressed, or pain when being examined, or needs to ask a difficult question, or has trauma and needs to go slowly, or needs to disclose abuse or mental health problems? Any of these things could make an appointment take longer. I'm sure it can be annoying for the people running the clinic, but that's life.

However, it's informative to see sarcastic emojis from an HCP when discussing patient concerns.

beatrice82
Sorry but you're not special just because you are breastfeeding. Follow and respect their rules like everyone else. There's obviously a reason as to why they want your full concentration

I would have never had any check ups if these rules were in place.

Just moved to a new area, no friends or family. Dh went back to work (worked away 2-3 weeks in every 4) 2 weeks after Dd and Ds were born.

It wouldn’t have mattered if babies were breast fed or bottle fed I didn’t have anyone to help.

Maybe get your mind round the fact not everyone lives with or around people who can drop everything and come to look after your baby when you need to go for a check up.

@Poppins2016

I work in a hospital and this sounds ridiculous
Phone up PALS at the hospital and explain - say you'll bring another adult with you to have the baby while your in the consultation room but they need to be kept with you

If PALS can't resolve it speak to the complaints team

I hope you get this resolved you could do without this type of stress tbh

[quote julieca]@TidyOmlette I agree. It is 30 minutes that someone is going to sit in the car with the baby outside. Its not a big deal.[/quote]
Wow, the NHS has really changed if you're in and out within 30 minutes of arriving for an appointment.

Just a bit of advice on pumping if you do decide to try.....use an electric pump and collect from the other side as baby is feeding, makes it all so much easier
Hope all goes well

Wow, the NHS has really changed if you're in and out within 30 minutes of arriving for an appointment

Actually, since covid, my local hospital has been excellent at timekeeping appointments. Haven't waited more than 5 minutes, in fact I've gone in early a couple of times. I think they're trying to keep waiting rooms empty as poss.

How long would you be away from your baby? 1 or 2 or 3 hours? Even at 7 weeks old, the baby isn’t going to suffer for not being fed on demand that once (or wife or three times). It can wait. Not saying it’s fun hearing a baby shriek, but it’s not going to harm the baby to wait.

Unfashionable these days, but I think it’s true. Your baby won’t suffer for not being fed instantly.

Sorry, meant to add that if you’re worried about nutrition, nourishing your baby (food-wise) is something that happens over a period of time. Not each and every instance of feeding. Same as for adults. Sometimes we eat Macdonald’s, mostly we eat healthily. In the Western world we are rarely under- or malnourished. Your baby won’t become under- or malnourished because a breastfeed is delayed by an hour or two.

@CoolOven

Wow, the NHS has really changed if you're in and out within 30 minutes of arriving for an appointment

Actually, since covid, my local hospital has been excellent at timekeeping appointments. Haven't waited more than 5 minutes, in fact I've gone in early a couple of times. I think they're trying to keep waiting rooms empty as poss.

Why were they unable to do that before Covid I wonder?

Did you tell them you were breastfeeding? Where I live is covid central & hospitals still allow breastfed babies and toddlers to appointments provided they are strapped in pushchairs / car seats.

There's a lot of misinformation on this thread. Breastfeeding mum and baby are one unit and should only be kept apart where there is a risk to the infant or mum.

Covid hasn't changed this but has made some things a little more complicated as standard visiting guidelines don't always detail arrangements for breastfeeding. The person who answered your phonecall probably isn't aware of the relevant guidance.

We have had patients supported to breastfeed their infant in hospital throughout covid restrictions. Infant feeding team really can help here.

Personally I would turn up to a gynae appt with a newborn, due to the risk of upsetting other women. I would have someone either stay in the car with baby or go for a walk round the grounds of the hospital with them. If the clinic was running significantly late, I would tell them i need to be given a new revised time or ask them if they can call me before my appt so I can nip out to baby if they wake.

That said, a baby should of course be welcome to any appointment, in any other clinic aside from gynae, I would have just brought mine without asking first. I work in clinics myself and expect to see babies regularly.

Urgh, I would NOT turn up with a baby.....

@PrivateHall what about the risk of upsetting the baby?

@ApricotShandy
The eye-roll emoji was for how disingenuous your comments were on here

It was explained repeatedly but since it's not your appointment and OP has sorted it, never mind . Don't tag me into your long irrelevant posts, I left the room ages ago!

And if the baby wakes up?
It is a 30 minute appointment. If mums stop during the appointment to feed etc, then appointments will be much longer and less women will be seen.

Babies that age sleep for hours at a time. I have one now- I can confidently say he wouldn't randomly wake up if settled too sleep. Even if I had to feed whilst being examined that would in no way interfere with an examination

A nearly 2 month baby is not a newborn.

@gamerchick

A nearly 2 month baby is not a newborn.

Semantics. Still in the fourth trimester.

@ApricotShandy

I am really shocked at the lack of understanding by some posters on this thread about how difficult it is to leave a newborn, but then I guess that lack of awareness might also explain the attitude of the receptionist.

I'm sure the policy comes from a place of not wanting toddlers causing havoc while you're having an intimate examination but a newborn is completely different. Just take the baby with you, I would.

it's not a 'lack of understanding'... mine is from personal experience as someone who has gone through years of appointments due to infertility, gone through a loss and been lucky enough to have a newborn like OP.

If anything many posts show an utter lack of awareness or care about why many people are there and the fact its supposed to be a safe place for struggling women.

No one wants to be told they are infertile, get bad test results that may affect ever having children or go over the procedure for a DNC due to a missed miscarriage while someone sits blissfully ignorant with their newborn.

Why were they unable to do that before Covid I wonder?

Well because they're treating fewer people because of COVID - some of the wards are given over to covid