To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

I know it's a faff but could you bring a bouncer chair with you?

Some of you are being obtuse. Nobody else is needed to look after the baby. The newborn baby sleeps in the car seat on the floor while the mum is being examined.

It's a medical appointment for you. Not your baby.
At seven weeks old, EBF babies are one unit with their mothers. Feeding patterns are still being established and growth spurts and cluster feeding are still relevant.

As for the pp suggesting leaving the baby with a bottle of water – FFS. Is it any wonder breastfeeding rates in this country are so low, with lack of support from the hospital and ignorance like this being touted around.

There are so many women here who are openly telling injured postpartum mothers to put their own needs LAST after the needs of others

Yes, there’s a real nasty streak to some of this. Telling her off for not sorting out her “babysitting issue” like the needs of a newborn are some sort of logistical storage problem she’s inexplicably refusing to arrange.

I’ve been in gynae care for miscarriage before and it is indeed quite shit to be around other people’s kids, but other people are patients too, and very small babies have needs too. I would not have wanted BF newborns separated from their mothers just to spare my feelings.

@ApricotShandy

The lack of understanding of newborn babies on a forum for PARENTS is really disturbing here. A bottle of water for a seven week old baby?! Are you on glue?

There are so many women here who are openly telling injured postpartum mothers to put their own needs LAST after the needs of others. This is why so many vulnerable women don't seek care in the NHS when they desperately need it. Fucking hell, feminism has a long way to go.

This with bells on! Some of the comments on this thread are ridiculously offensive!

From the healthcarers perspective ('m a dentist) we're fine with babies/toddlers/children for check ups but when it comes to treatment or longer appointments parents really need someone else to look after the child. We'd understand that the baby is a newborn and EBF but equally my team have other duties, they'll hold a baby or herd a toddler when xrays are done but that's it.
A crying baby who will not settle for anyone but their Mum is really distracting even when they're safe in a carseat. If your're expecting to be there for 30 minutes I'm really glad you've chosen to take someone with you.

This is the one downside of exclusively breastfeeding, I know my situation was very different and the hospital had good reason for having a problem with it but when my ebf bottle refusing baby was 6 weeks old I was rushed to hospital with a severe infection and they were not at all impressed with her being with me (I was taken by ambulance from the GP surgery so I didn't really have a choice I couldn't exactly leave her there) and were saying that she couldn't stay with me. Thankfully I was able to go home after 6 hours of IV antibiotics because otherwise I have no idea what would have happened. I do think that there needs to be more provision for very young ebf babies to stay with their mothers.

The lack of understanding of newborn babies on a forum for PARENTS is really disturbing here

Oh my Lord!! It's not lack of understanding for parents. What do you think HCPs are?
Most of us are parents too, have had babies, some are LPs/ disabled/ moves away from family....

PPs are trying to explain to those that don't understand how hospital based clinics work (which have limited time per patient) and current additional Covid restrictions on (most) hospitals (& care homes)

No one is arguing that it wouldn't be great to be able to take exclusively bf babies into all hospital appointments with you. However it's currently not allowed as it's impractical and against Covid restrictions where most hospitals have them in place.

Covid restrictions may have relaxed in community and shops but they are still very present in health care settings and tightest in carehomes and acute hospitals. These are large communities of the most vulnerable patients where thousands of people walk through daily- staff, patients and visitors

In terms of how practical it is to take a baby into appmt requiring important consultation and internal medical examination -

If you think there should be crèches or spare nurses to hold baby whilst someone is seen and longer consultant appointments so people can take babies in with them, you can choose to write to your local MP suggesting an increase in taxes for the considerable extra NHS funding to resource that. Most clinics don't have spare staff standing around ready to distract a baby should it disturb the 10-15 min slot you have. And clinics always overrun as it is.

I'd have just turned up with my baby tbh.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Can your partner not take a half day annual leave for this? Its your responsibility as parents to sort this out not the hospital. Clinics are hellishly busy all of the time now, appointment times are tight , there is no time for anything, the backlog is horrendous. Normal rules do NOT apply. Are you going to halt your examination half way through while you breastfeed because you are not going to be able to do it flat on your back with your legs in the air. Be realistic!!! We get major stick every single day for not sorting out other peoples problems for them - I am here to do a highly pressured job not sort out peoples babies, transport, relatives and so on. Just yesterday somebody turned all my equipment over all over the floor because they had to get a taxi in as there was no NHS funded transport. Your baby is the responsibility of you and your husband and it is up to you to sort out childcare for the 30 minutes of your appointment, NOT the hospital and NOT the consultant. Your husbands employment probelms are NOT the responsibility of the hospital. It sounds harsh but unless you take responsibility for your own arrangements the appointment cannot happen, it's as simple as that. Personally i would not want my tiny baby anywhere near a hospital right now it's highly dangerous. Your husband should be looking after him/her in the car outside. No reason why he can't have a bottle of water for the baby while waiting for you. I had to deal with problems like this myself when I was a single parent with a tiny baby and on one occasion hired a childminder while I had my procedure, I did not expect the hospital to come up with solutions for me.

This is absolutely terrible advice! Seven week old babies don't need bottles of water. It'd be risking making them ill.

It’s also not the ‘ not allowing bottle’ that’s a problem. Ds was breastfed. I couldn’t express. From 2 weeks old I tried him regularly with a bottle and small about of formula so I had the option of him being left. He just wouldn’t take it.
Seeing as it was last summer, height of covid measures, I couldn’t do the whole leave him with family member for them to feed anyway so I just gave in and fed direct to save the screaming.
I have nothing against formula and would happily have given him some if he had taken easily

I would explain when you get there and ask if auntie and baby can wait with you, failing that ask if there is likely to be a long wait, maybe they could book you in and tell you when to come back.

Your baby will be fine for an hour without being fed. Can you take a pram so aunty can walk round with her? Then she might sleep.

@GobletofFiyah

It's a medical appointment for you. Not your baby. If you had a medical emergency there will be no one to look after your baby. If your baby gets covid you could sue, there could be massive rates of covid in that hospital so it would put your baby at unnecessary risk.

Also in my hospital, d&c patients are treated on the gynaecology ward. All 'miscarriage' patients up to 20 weeks are treated on there not l&d or obstetrics. If you'd just had a miscarriage would you like to see a new born baby? We had lots of complaints about the visiting policy and babies on the gynae ward.

Also it's not just covid that your baby can catch in a hospital. It's just not worth the risk.

This is completely dense.

If a gynaecology ward can't cope with postpartum women, and their newborn babies, it's not fit for purpose as a gynaecology ward.

New mothers and their newborns are one unit. It is not their problem if there are other people nearby who can't face looking at them. It is up to the hospital to protect all women in all of these situations. Separating women from their babies is not the answer.

Your hospital needs to improve its level of care urgently.

@Whereismumhiding3

If you think there should be crèches or spare nurses to hold baby whilst someone is seen and longer consultant appointments so people can take babies in with them, you can choose to write to your local MP suggesting an increase in taxes for the considerable extra NHS funding to resource that. Most clinics don't have spare staff standing around ready to distract a baby should it disturb the 10-15 min slot you have. And clinics always overrun as it is.

Creches and spare nurses are not necessary! With a baby of seven weeks old, the mother can just take the baby in with her. She can hold the baby in a sling or the baby can sit in the carseat in the treatment room. Why is this so hard to understand?

It's not a patient's fault if a hospital can't run its own clinics in a way that actually cares for the patients, when no extra time or expense would even be required to make this work.

@ApricotShandy I'm not dense.. cheers for that. Just contributing my own personal experience of my trust. But you just abuse people online go for it

[quote GobletofFiyah]@ApricotShandy I'm not dense.. cheers for that. Just contributing my own personal experience of my trust. But you just abuse people online go for it [/quote]
She didn't call you dense she said the policy was dense. Which it is. New mums and their babies ARE a unit.

I mixed-fed, it wouldn't have been an issue for me to leave ds with someone else. If I had someone to leave him with, that is. Not everyone does. But it's not as easy when only your breast will do!

@GobletofFiyah

I said the policy was dense, not you personally. That's not abuse. I'm sure you're very intelligent, but we are having a debate, and the NHS really does need to listen to criticism if it's going to continue to improve care for patients, which is surely what we all want.

You would have hoped things had changed in the last 25 years, but apparently not.

My gp surgery in 1997 was in a Victorian house. The female GP on the first floor up a flight of stairs with a 'twist' at the top. The front entrance had steps. The back door for disabled access had no space for buggies etc.

DD needed a 6-week pp check. As did I. They had to be made separately with the same doctor. They were shocked when I questioned this. Seemed much more sensible to have a double length appointment on the same day. Nope. Not possible.

Obviously, you were supposed to have a full-time live in nanny. The GP lived in a £1 million house with 5 bedrooms and 'coped' with her 4 children (and a nanny). All the GPs lived on the same estate.

It's both horrific and comforting to know that the NHS can be consistent over a 25 year period.

@ApricotShandy

Creches and spare nurses are not necessary! With a baby of seven weeks old, the mother can just take the baby in with her. She can hold the baby in a sling or the baby can sit in the carseat in the treatment room. Why is this so hard to understand?

With respect you aren't the HCP running those clinics.

For every mum that brings in a a baby, one or two might be a sleep, One or two many need some attention (add 5-10mins) so mum can discuss, one or two need a lot of attention won't settle and it triples the time of the actual consultation. Babies aren't known for their ability to let adults talk even if it is important
You can't have a baby in a sling when your HCP is doing an internal exam- which OP is having to review healing of her perineal tear. There's 5 mins there of taking on and off sling and moving baby (to put them where?) before the settling back of afterwards.

So when new mums bring babies in with them, on average it doubles the time it takes and clinic appointments don't have that time. Half the patients would get seen but half wouldn't on that clinic. Should we send the second half home? And double the waiting times for appmts ?

Consultants have rounds to do after clinics, surgery booked in and the clinic is booked in those rooms for a set time

I am literally spelling it out to
you to help you understand

Currently due to Covid restrictions in (most) hospitals you can't bring another adult in with you to hold baby in waiting room whilst you go in. That's hospital policy currently due to unusual circumstances (for most) not 'every clinic in hospital but the postnatal clinics' ....

I think PPs (& I can spot the HCPs) are just trying to explain those who are arguing how unfair the system is without understanding the reasons why these restrictions are in place.

Personally I'd take baby with someone else with me too, tricky to arrange I know. Baby stays in car or takes a walk around the ground or hospital. If they are allowed in the waiting room could work.

@fanjosaysi

Some of you are being obtuse. Nobody else is needed to look after the baby. The newborn baby sleeps in the car seat on the floor while the mum is being examined.

And if the baby wakes up? It is a 30 minute appointment. If mums stop during the appointment to feed etc, then appointments will be much longer and less women will be seen.

Just take baby along. What are they going to do? If you genuinely don’t have anyone that can help then go.

@TidyOmlette but she does have someone who could help.

@julieca apologies I just have missed that but. Don’t really see what the big drama is then. It’s not like she’s staying overnight

@TidyOmlette I agree. It is 30 minutes that someone is going to sit in the car with the baby outside. Its not a big deal.