To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

@gogohm

You need to have someone to take the baby whilst you are being seen, they don't provide a crèche. They can wait outside during the appointment

I didn't have anyone - DH had a dreadful employer with a strict and rigid leave policy and family all live far away and worked full time. A health appointment at 7 weeks pp meant either baby came with me or I didn't go. Being bottle fed wouldn't have changed that.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I've done lots of consultations with very young babies and its a total nightmare. If they start screaming and need feeding during the examination then its just game over. You cannot conduct a gynae exam with this going on. You need to take someone with you to care for the baby. It isn't up to the consultant to find a solution to your baby sitting problems. They need the whole 30 minutes to deal with the problem at hand.

This really demonstrates the lack of consideration for women's health in the NHS. It's obvious that postnatal mothers have small babies, and regardless of feeding method small babies shouldn't be separated from their mothers. This isn't a "baby sitting problem". It's an institutional problem within the NHS.

@Bollindger if they wont let her baby come they're hardly going to allow someone else to come along to look after the baby.
OP, I'd take baby in a stretchy wrap. I wouldn't have even asked if I could, it's obvious that a 7 week old will be coming with their mum everywhere they go.

Pre-Covid, in most healthcare settings, where possible new mum’s would be encouraged to bring their babies in a car seat with a second adult to hold them at critical times. It meant babies could be fed as needed and allowed HCP to concentrate on the mother’s needs.

Covid has obviously complicated things as additional adults are not generally allowed.

I think you need to have the conversation about in your individual circumstances. Would they think it be better for to take the baby in a car seat or would they allow you a second adult if they think this isn’t a good idea? Unfortunately, there’s probably a fair bit of waiting around.

My only other comment is that the “lovely” Dr who allowed you to feed during an intimate examination scares the shit out of me. Please don’t allow anyone to do this again. If the examination causes sudden pain or other symptoms, your baby is at risk.

My dd never took a bottle so she went everywhere with me. Wouldn’t have thought to ask, I presumed the no children rule didn’t apply to newborns tbh!

When DD was 7 weeks I had severe post natal anxiety and mild PND, both unmedicated. I was offered psychological interventions but was told I couldn't bring my baby. Their reasons were:

• venue wasn't suited to children
• baby would distract from the session

I declined the support due to:

• not having anyone who could watch DD for 1.5 hours (appointment plus travel time) at differing days and times of day each week over a 6-12 week period.
• my PNA meant I didn't feel able to leave DD with anyone at that point.

They seemed quite put out I declined. Like it had never occurred to them that in offering post natal support services they may encounter babies and that to exclude babies may mean some women are excluded.

I was very grateful that one of the practitioners had heard the conversation and called me back to say they'd agree to trial it with DD being brought with me. I was careful to feed before we went in the room and it meant DD slept every single session for the whole time! Hopefully it meant that practitioner offered similar to other mothers in my position.

To those saying it's only 30 mins plus 5 mins walking to and from the car park
Seriously - appointments are never punctual. Would you go to an NHS appointment and pay for 40 mins parking only because "the appointment is only 30 mins"? I doubt it. I personally factor in at least a half an hour extra and watch my parking app like a hawk

Surprised at all those saying baby would be fine in a car seat. Its not good for baby to be in a car seat for over 2 hours. Ideally a lot less with a baby so young, some recommended 30 mins tops where possible. OP says its not her local hospital so a drive there, plus 30 mins in the apt, plus drive home wouldn't have been good for a 7 week old. Even with a bit of a break to feed.
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/9-car-seat-factsheet-2019-09-09-1.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj714f0vIP0AhU2QvEDHa7_C3AQFnoECBwQAQ&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw1CvbCaFPV4K9xfK8jMdExr" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/9-car-seat-factsheet-2019-09-09-1.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj714f0vIP0AhU2QvEDHa7_C3AQFnoECBwQAQ&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw1CvbCaFPV4K9xfK8jMdExr

Its 30 mins and you have someone who can come and take her for a walk or cuddle in the car. If it's running over I'm sure they'll tell you so you can go out to her. The what if cases you mention will, I'm sure, be accommodated. Except for dad's at work - he néeds to take time off just like in any other medical emergency.

Please don't make a big old fuss in the hospital. The staff are doing an amazing job in an overstretched service and can do without it. No babies is the rule, if you trust them with your fanjo, why not trust that they have reasons.

It is a COVID restrictions thing.

What?? How many 7 week old newborns are likely to be rife with Covid and then run around the waiting room coughing and sneezing on everyone?

A newborn and it’s mother are a unit.

If you were admitted in emergency by ambulance, your partner would have to arrange to feed baby, even if it was formula, (if baby couldn't wait til you were home)

This isn’t an emergency. It’s a routine but important procedure for a post partum mother and the hospital should already be geared to manage the needs of women and their babies. This scenario won’t be new.

Who’s playing Devil’s advocate now?

I had exactly this situation with ds2. I knew I would be having a GA so wouldn't be able to BF for 48 hours after, but desperately wanted to feed ds until.the last possible moment so dh and ds came with me to the gynae surgery.

Whilst we were in the waiting room, I started to feed him and one of the nurses asked me to move into a side room to do so. I was about to argue when DH gave me a very meaningful look and almost marched me into a side room. He then told me that he thought that the reason there were quite a few teenage girls and their mums in the waiting room was because they were there to have terminations and that me feeding ds in front of them was awful for them. That honestly hadn't occurred to me but in retrospect was almost certainly the case.

When I was in the recovery room, the woman in the next bed was told by the surgeon that the surgery had been unsuccessful in unblocking her fallopian tubes and she would need to consider IVF. At that point it dawned on me that of the women and girls scheduled for surgery that day, I was probably I the minority of having a straightforward repair and that the others were there for reasons of infertility or termination.

For those reasons alone I would not take a baby to a gynae clinic, even if I had someone else to hold them.

Sorry but this is ridiculous. This procedure is needed because of recent childbirth! It is obvious that you need to keep your baby with you! My baby is only slightly older and I don’t own a pump or any bottles. No one would be prepared to look after baby either, except DH and he works full time. And it wouldn’t be fair on him for very long if he couldn’t feed her. I would probably just turn up with baby in a sling. Women need help and support for their post partum recovery, not unhelpful restrictions.

I'm all for babies not being at medic appointments, but at 7 weeks old, for an appointment related to childbirth it childbirth be relaxed to allow a partner to help, or to bring thd bsby.

Can your partner not take a half day annual leave for this? Its your responsibility as parents to sort this out not the hospital.
Clinics are hellishly busy all of the time now, appointment times are tight , there is no time for anything, the backlog is horrendous.
Normal rules do NOT apply. Are you going to halt your examination half way through while you breastfeed because you are not going to be able to do it flat on your back with your legs in the air. Be realistic!!!
We get major stick every single day for not sorting out other peoples problems for them - I am here to do a highly pressured job not sort out peoples babies, transport, relatives and so on.
Just yesterday somebody turned all my equipment over all over the floor because they had to get a taxi in as there was no NHS funded transport.
Your baby is the responsibility of you and your husband and it is up to you to sort out childcare for the 30 minutes of your appointment, NOT the hospital and NOT the consultant. Your husbands employment probelms are NOT the responsibility of the hospital.
It sounds harsh but unless you take responsibility for your own arrangements the appointment cannot happen, it's as simple as that.
Personally i would not want my tiny baby anywhere near a hospital right now it's highly dangerous. Your husband should be looking after him/her in the car outside.
No reason why he can't have a bottle of water for the baby while waiting for you.
I had to deal with problems like this myself when I was a single parent with a tiny baby and on one occasion hired a childminder while I had my procedure, I did not expect the hospital to come up with solutions for me.

As another point of view on top of it not being appropriate because you are having medical treatment but also because you need awareness that not everyone there is as lucky and privileged as you to have a child and that's a specialty that deals with that.

No, just no.

OP might be fortunate to have a baby, but at seven weeks postpartum with a birth injury she's vulnerable, not privileged.

Other patients may be vulnerable in different ways, and the vulnerabilities might have mitigations that are mutually exclusive, but that is for the hospital to manage. Not by requiring a postpartum woman to become engorged and a newborn baby to go hungry.

As others have said, at seven weeks mothers and babies are one unit, especially when EBF.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky babies are not meant to drink water!!!! Maybe you meant to say milk. But ebf babies often refuse to take a bottle

No reason why he can't have a bottle of water for the baby while waiting for you.

A bottle of water for a 7-week-old, breastfed, baby?

@spaceghetto

Pre covid, I had a haemmorhage and was admitted 10 days after ds. I wasnt allowed to keep him with me and they were so strict about dh brining him in. They said I could keep my milk in the communal fridge and they couldnt lend me a breast pump. It was horrible.

I had a PPH and was blue lighted to hospital. DH followed with baby. They were allowed to stay in the room with me throughout my first emergency procedure and my fairly large blood transfusion. I was only separated from my baby when I was taken away for surgery in theatre. Periodically throughout the day my baby was placed on me and she breastfed. She did get one bottle while I was in surgery.

Throughout this process nurses and doctors were able to communicate with me and treat me.

@EmmaGrundyForPM exactly what I came on to say. And I say it as someone who could well face the same issue as OP in a few months as I am now pregnant (following IVF, incidentally). It is not appropriate to take your child to a gynae clinic, sorry OP but I think you're being a bit OTT here. You could be in and out in 30 minutes.

The lack of understanding of newborn babies on a forum for PARENTS is really disturbing here. A bottle of water for a seven week old baby?! Are you on glue?

There are so many women here who are openly telling injured postpartum mothers to put their own needs LAST after the needs of others. This is why so many vulnerable women don't seek care in the NHS when they desperately need it. Fucking hell, feminism has a long way to go.

It's a medical appointment for you. Not your baby. If you had a medical emergency there will be no one to look after your baby. If your baby gets covid you could sue, there could be massive rates of covid in that hospital so it would put your baby at unnecessary risk.

Also in my hospital, d&c patients are treated on the gynaecology ward. All 'miscarriage' patients up to 20 weeks are treated on there not l&d or obstetrics. If you'd just had a miscarriage would you like to see a new born baby? We had lots of complaints about the visiting policy and babies on the gynae ward.

Also it's not just covid that your baby can catch in a hospital. It's just not worth the risk.

You are making a lot out of this.
You're getting the treatment you need they are simply requesting that you attend alone so they can treat you quickly and professionally.
Can you not just appreciate what you have without looking to complain?what do you hope to achieve?babies allowed so patients are changing nappies,feeding them so appointments overrun and the patient feels harassed and doesn't listen properly to medical advice?
The world cannot evolve around you and your baby .instead of moaning I'd be looking at ways to ensure baby has food if required for that short period of time.

I don’t really understand who you are expecting to look after the baby during the appointment? Do you expect the hospitality to provide someone? I think that’s unrealistic giving the staffing issues in hospitals at the moment

@Poppins2016 I had to attend physio weekly in the maternity unit after giving birth from about 6 weeks PP for 8 weeks. I don’t drive and DH works abroad. 50 min bus ride to get there. Didn’t even think about taking my EBF baby and just turned up with him - and wasnt allowed in to my appointment. Covid policy meant no children in the maternity unit unless they are the patient. We have no other family nearby so I had no options for childcare - had to cancel all my appointments

@Totallydefeated

There's no value in "arguing" with me. I was explaining that nearly all hospitals are still under COVID restrictions. Ours is.

There are reasons you can't have baby in your care at that type of appmt and Covid reasons you can't take extra adults in / aren't allowed to bring children in.

I haven't suggested baby is full of Covid at all! But the rule for most hospitals still (agreed per site with Regional Health Director) due to covid19 public health measures, then OP can afford to wait until she can make arrangements for cover for baby ; if it's urgent (like an ambulance led admission to A&E) then OP will have had to make contingency arrangements.

She has a DP. DP can care for baby whilst she has her clinic check up.

@ApricotShandy

The lack of understanding of newborn babies on a forum for PARENTS is really disturbing here. A bottle of water for a seven week old baby?! Are you on glue?

There are so many women here who are openly telling injured postpartum mothers to put their own needs LAST after the needs of others. This is why so many vulnerable women don't seek care in the NHS when they desperately need it. Fucking hell, feminism has a long way to go.

Well said.

I've come to realise that MN is a terrible place for women with young babies to seek advice or reassurance. It's very disappointing as obviously it should be one of the best.