To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

It’s is tricky. We literally have no family or friends we could have left Ds with at 7 weeks. Dh would have been working but could have taken time off for appointment like you.

Ds was also breastfed and bottle refused. I think the best way is if you can feed baby just before you go in, and have sling or pram in car so once baby is fed, your dh take a baby for a walk around the block and hopefully they settle a while.

It isn't up to the consultant to find a solution to your baby sitting problems

It isn’t a babysitting problem though is it , it’s a baby feeding problem. OP isn’t being awkward or precious it’s about the baby’s only source of nutrition being unavailable for potentially long periods.

I would suspect it was to do with child supervision. Who looks after your baby whilst you’re having your procedure? You won’t be able to do it yourself and the medical staff won’t have the time to be looking after your baby.

Booby milk came from boobies, no where else

@User7312019

But you could easily just pump and leave an emergency bottle of breast milk for baby - you don’t need to leave them hungry or distressed?

Not if they don’t take a bottle, my first baby never did, despite my efforts. I could leave her for a couple of hours at 7 weeks - just about. It does seem Odd the Hospital not allowing b/f babies in.

I have a friend who had a gynae appointment that then lead to an operation when her baby was EBF. He wouldn't take any pumped milk from the bottle and was very distressed.

I had an operation 12days after giving birth, EBF baby wasn't even back to birth weight, wasn't allowed in. Was told to arrive at 7 and I'd be seen first(as they were aware I had a baby), my op didn't happen until 2pm. DH gave baby formula, luckily she took a bottle. I was close to tears, asked the nurse in charge to put pumped milk (in a labelled storage bag) in the fridge but she said it wasn't possible. By the time the epidural wore off and I could be discharged it had been almost 12 hours.
I was super worried about my supply but luckily all was fine.

The NHS sometimes aren't very understanding at all...

Is it a Covid thing?
Not sure in this case but I was admitted back into hospital due to excessive bleeding when baby was 2 days old. Wasn't allowed to take her with me as clinic was full of women who had suffered miscarriage or loss, and baby's presence may cause extra distress. Was too out of it at the time to fuss about it. Had bottle supply anyway so her dad was able to manage without me.

If you can leave the baby with someone then you should make every effort to. 30 mins is not that long. Feed the baby before. It’s not going to be harmed by waiting a little for a feed. In this case your reason for attending trumps one in demand feed.

If you can’t find anyone to have the baby then take it too.

It seems a bit mad. It’s not like a 7 week old is going to be tearing around the room!
I know someone who had their mirena fitted while her child was feeding. Things are possible if you are patient focused (and I am not someone who thinks children are the centre of the world or should come to everything)

@Iamtired123

I left my baby with my mum in the waiting room while I was having a colposcopy and she was asked to leave when baby started crying as to not upset any women who may have experienced/been experiencing a miscarriage, could be something to do with that? If so that's completely understandable

As someone who experienced multiple miscarriages, that sounds like they were just using that as an excuse. Most of the hospitals I ever had dealings with had no dedicated early pregnancy unit, so if you were bleeding, you got your scan in the same unit alongside women having routine 12 and 20 week appointments. Aside from that, I would be quite angry that the needs of babies and mothers with babies were being neglected in some misguided effort to cater to feelings that, as a miscarrying woman, I really didn't have.

Could you wait in the car feeding baby and aks them to phone when it's time for you to come inside? Surely that's covid safe?

I had something similar recently, had to have a postnatal scan and I couldn't take the baby into the inpatient area. I could leave her with DH in the waiting room though, thank goodness. I found even that hard enough although she was only 2 weeks old at the time.

I totally understand them not wanting the baby in the scan/examination room. The staff need to concentrate and do their job, there might be space issues etc. I get that, but they should make allowances for the baby to be kept nearby and away from the mother for as short a period as possible.

Hope it all goes well.

Not sure in this case but I was admitted back into hospital due to excessive bleeding when baby was 2 days old. Wasn't allowed to take her with me as clinic was full of women who had suffered miscarriage or loss, and baby's presence may cause extra distress

What!?! Whilst my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered baby loss, it is entirely inappropriate to remove a 2 day old baby from its mother for that reason.

It is a COVID restrictions thing.
You can't take baby with you, the appmt is for you (and isn't a stay anyway) so you'll probably be fine. Give baby good feed before you leave , it sounds like you have a partner so they can take day off and have the baby.

Whether you have a breastpump or not, won't be a factor for the hospital in their inviting you to an appointment with consultant for your health. They have enough to deal with, without expectations they are responsible for your family or family life too.

If you were admitted in emergency by ambulance, your partner would have to arrange to feed baby, even if it was formula, (if baby couldn't wait til you were home)

Hospital team will expect you to make suitable arrangements for your baby (care and feeding) or to ask if you need longer than a day to make those arrangements.

You suggested a few "What If scenarios" to be 'devils advocate' - but you don't need to do that as they don't apply to you and those it does apply yo, we find a way or fight our own battles. Let the medics do their job .

I was an bf exclusively single mother, who had a day admission for series of tests at hospital (and this was pre Covid), I couldn't take my baby in with me... so I made arrangements.

As a parent you have to start thinking about contingency plans too, should you be unwell or admitted to hospital etc.

What's the worst that will happen, honestly?

You feed baby directly before appointment.

Baby may be perfectly fine until you return or it may cry.

Yes that's right. It may cry for an amount of time and your husband will cope.

It's COVID restrictions people . Mask wearing is still in place and most hospitals still have no unnecessary visitors or children coming in with adults.

It isn't usual times

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Could it be for other women? I know that when I had to attend the recurrent miscarriages clinic (located in an adjacent clinic but sharing a waiting room with gynae) 5 weeks after I'd lost my baby, there was a crying baby in the waiting room with its (I'm assuming) father...it cut me like a knife.

I am so sorry this happened to you, but this is the fault of the hospital for having a shared waiting room, not the fault of the person who brought their baby with them.

They've created a situation where it's a case of choosing between bereaved women being very upset versus newborn babies being very upset. Neither should happen.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I've done lots of consultations with very young babies and its a total nightmare. If they start screaming and need feeding during the examination then its just game over. You cannot conduct a gynae exam with this going on. You need to take someone with you to care for the baby. It isn't up to the consultant to find a solution to your baby sitting problems. They need the whole 30 minutes to deal with the problem at hand.

If you are a consultant treating newly postpartum women, you seriously need to rethink your attitude to practice if you can't work while considering what happens to the baby in this situation.

Describing this as "baby sitting problems" betrays your lack of respect for your patients and zero awareness of the physical process of being a mother to a newborn, which is extremely concerning if you are indeed a gynae consultant.

@DontKnowMyOwnName

Not sure in this case but I was admitted back into hospital due to excessive bleeding when baby was 2 days old. Wasn't allowed to take her with me as clinic was full of women who had suffered miscarriage or loss, and baby's presence may cause extra distress

What!?! Whilst my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered baby loss, it is entirely inappropriate to remove a 2 day old baby from its mother for that reason.

Precisely this! Why is it a better idea for the babies to go through the distress in this scenario? Why must we accept terrible care provision like this? Clinics should be designed to help ALL patients without causing unnecessary distress to anyone.

Take someone with you to sit in the waiting room, then pass them the baby for the 30min appointment. It’ll be much easier not having the baby in the room with you anyway, you couldn’t exactly nurse whilst being examined anyway. I’m a Mum of two and haven’t had a smear for 7years due to not being allowed to take a child in to the appointment with me so I understand your complaint but it is easier for the practitioner not to have babies crying and children about whilst trying to talk.

Precisely this! Why is it a better idea for the babies to go through the distress in this scenario?
In fairness to the hospital I was in need of an emergency procedure to stem the bleeding and was very little use to my DD in the condition I was in. Perhaps it wasn't a good example to introduce, I was just a little triggered by the thread.

Once again it shows a lack of planning in postpartum care and newborn needs. We've had failure after failure in the news, deaths of young women and babies. Rather than tying ourselves up in knots trying to justify it, we should be demanding change.
The case of David Fuller puts the top hat on how little value and respect is placed on women's safety, even after death.

Well, I can see both sides. You want your baby with you, so you can feed if necessary. The clinic want things to run as efficiently as possible, ensuring all patients can have a full consultation and any examinations/investigations done with minimal chance of disruption or complication. Throwing babies and children into that mix makes the latter quite difficult. I suspect if you said you absolutely do not have anyone who can look after your baby and your case was urgent they would try to find a way around things, so I’d be surprised if it was an absolute, blanket “no babies”.

I’m not convinced it’s that much of an issue to not be able to feed for the 30 minutes of the appointment plus perhaps 5-10 minute walk between car and clinic. I breast fed all mine, and this would have been fine. I understand an issue may arise if clinic runs very late, but if running to time most babies will manage under an hour without a feed. They might not be happy about it (and let you know all about that!), but they aren’t likely to become dehydrated or unwell.

Depending on what you are having done, breastfeeding whilst being examined/treated may not be possible, so if your baby wants fed at that time, then what? It’s very hard to conduct proper consultation and examination with a crying, fractious baby (yours might not be, might sleep through the whole thing- but what if not?). You may be able to feed during a discussion but might not during the examination. When I worked in gynae there were some procedures that could make women feel faint, and some would occasionally actually would faint (during or possibly after the procedure, when standing up, for instance). We would not have wanted you to be breast feeding your newborn during that due to those risks. That’s without then having to take care of a baby whilst mum is being checked over/given time to feel better. But again, if you aren’t going to have anything more than a quick exam that seems unlikely to be an issue.

There are other factors too- sometimes concentration is very important, and a screaming baby is not conducive to that. It also needs to be considered that other women in adjoining rooms may be being given bad news (not necessarily anything related to miscarriage or infertility- this could be an emergency gynae clinic for anything that needs urgent review). A baby screaming in the next room is not going to be conducive to the type of discussion the doctor and their patient are going to have.

Of course, in an ideal world the facilities would allow everyone to have everything- a separate clinic for everything etc. But we don’t. All of that said, I would be surprised if there was no flexibility at all for women small babies in need of urgent care, or those with no support. It will be interesting to see what they say.

@HavfrueDenizKisi

What's the worst that will happen, honestly?

You feed baby directly before appointment.

Baby may be perfectly fine until you return or it may cry.

Yes that's right. It may cry for an amount of time and your husband will cope.

This. 7 weeks is not a newborn. The baby may cry but won't starve.

You need to have someone to take the baby whilst you are being seen, they don't provide a crèche. They can wait outside during the appointment

@CoolOven

Is it a Covid thing? Not sure in this case but I was admitted back into hospital due to excessive bleeding when baby was 2 days old. Wasn't allowed to take her with me as clinic was full of women who had suffered miscarriage or loss, and baby's presence may cause extra distress. Was too out of it at the time to fuss about it. Had bottle supply anyway so her dad was able to manage without me.

Wow, that is outrageous!