To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

I went to multiple pelvic physio appointments with my 3 small DC including newborn. The physio was helpful and professional at all times and understood my need to bring kids. She offered a woman-centred service which is what you should be entitled to OP. Outrageous that a service designed for post partum women does not accommodate their babies. The end result of this is that women without support can’t access the healthcare they need.

I assume it's because you're going to be having an intimate exam, who's going to be looking after the baby while that's happening? Everywhere I've worked we've made clear staff are not able to look after babies or children.

That said, if a person calls and physically doesn't have anyone else to help we would be flexible, but the majority of people have someone who can accompany them to watch baby or keep them home with.

Although I can't comment on the reasons for this particular hospital policy I thought I'd mention that when my DC1 needed hospital treatment in the peak of Covid I was allowed to bring breastfeeding DC2 to all appointments and even for a weeklong stay which I thought was amazingly accommodating. It may have been partly because of only one parent rule, (meaning we couldn't do shifts so I could at least have fed at one part of the day) and because they had separate cubicles available. Luckily the baby loved her sling and I still had my hands free all day for DC1 which was my only worry. She slept in a little travel cot at night.

What if the room is too small for a buggy. Where will the baby go then? What if it's crying hysterically while the dr is checking you over? I went to my check up with my partner who watched the baby in the waiting room. In covid times I'm sure he could walk around the block until I was finished. Admittedly harder if you've no help but I can understand why the hospital have this policy.

Obviously in my case I wasn't the patient which also might make a difference

When I had to have some procedures in DD’s early days, I had DH accompany me so he could be in charge of dd and just give her to me if she needed feeding. You and your baby should not be separated. If another adult is required to facilitate that, then even with Covid, they need to accommodate that.

@User7312019

But you could easily just pump and leave an emergency bottle of breast milk for baby - you don’t need to leave them hungry or distressed?

You’ve not much experience of breastfeeding have you pet?

Ridiculous policy. Hospitals need to accommodate the fact that post-partum mothers come with a newborn attached!

Just playing devils advocate here/adding food for thought) what if I was someone who doesn't own a breast pump or whose baby definitely doesn't take a bottle?

This is perfectly possible. Fed my two DC across 4.5 years in total and never owned a breast pump, steriliser or bottle. Booby milk came from boobies, no where else. Other drinks, but only after 6 months, came out of a (dish-washed) lidded beaker.

Breastfeeding mother hear. I wouldn't have thought to ask. I would've turned to with baby.

If had to go to the doctors a few times recently. With 1 or 2 kids. I don't have another option.

I know it is different because it’s an EBF newborn but maybe part of it is they just need a blanket rule or where do they draw the line with children being allowed to come?

I think it's different everywhere. I unexpectedly ended up having to have my gallbladder removed when my LO was 7 weeks. He followed me to all hospital appointments (2 a&e visits, an overnight stay, an ultrasound and an MRI). The only issue I had was the surgery as it was in a day unit so I didn't see him for 7 hours but he we all survived.

I wish you luck for tomorrow.

@User7312019 it is not easy to "just pump"
First of all , you need a pump.
Then you need the time to pump. When baby us breastfeeding and there's another child at home where is the time supposed to appear from?
Then, maybe your body won't respond well to pumping. Maybe your body isn't making the extra milk. I tried to pump and got maybe 5ml in 20 mins. That's a teaspoon. For me to express a full bottle - 30ml? - would have taken a week. Or at least six or seven 20 min pumping sessions on top of breastfeeding the baby.
Then the milk and bottle (s) have to be cleaned and transported.
Next, the baby might refuse the bottle as s/he is exclusively breastfed.

People who have not pumped think that you hold the bottle to your boob and the milk pours in like from a carton. This is NOT how it works in real life and certainly not before the mother's body has adjusted to frequent daily pumping. Which is not the case here.

I would not have had anyone who could help in this situation and would probably have missed the appointment (and never rescheduled) if told I couldn’t take dc along. So sacrificing my own health to meet their requirements.

@whosaidtha

What if the room is too small for a buggy. Where will the baby go then? What if it's crying hysterically while the dr is checking you over? I went to my check up with my partner who watched the baby in the waiting room. In covid times I'm sure he could walk around the block until I was finished. Admittedly harder if you've no help but I can understand why the hospital have this policy.

Why does she need a buggy? I've never been in any hospital room not big enough for a car seat. Car seat easily carried in and plonked down. That is also where baby will be for the 'who will look after the baby?' posts. (Seriously, I can't be the only one who takes my baby to my smear test or 3 year old's pre-school boosters or whatever, never had an issue that I couldn't 'look after the baby' whilst the appointment was taking place). Policies like the one the OP is experiencing discourage breastfeeding - simply it is easier, less stressful and less distressing to mother and baby to leave a bottle fed baby for an appointment. Breastfed babies are just too unpredictable if there is a long waiting time etc.

You might collapse or something and then they are stuck with a baby to look after so I see their point

Ah I took so long to write that , many people said the same.
True that a pump is not necessary and hand expressing might work. All other points remain valid!

Or if baby cries at key point in a procedure and you get poked

@RoomOfRequirement

I assume it's because you're going to be having an intimate exam, who's going to be looking after the baby while that's happening? Everywhere I've worked we've made clear staff are not able to look after babies or children.

That said, if a person calls and physically doesn't have anyone else to help we would be flexible, but the majority of people have someone who can accompany them to watch baby or keep them home with.

FWIW, I've had a speculum up there while DD was a newborn, and no one was in the least fussed. She was a bit unsettled and so I was snuggling her against my shoulder - but my shoulder is quite a long way away from my fanjo!

@User7312019

But you could easily just pump and leave an emergency bottle of breast milk for baby - you don’t need to leave them hungry or distressed?

Ha. My baby had to be fed bottles at this age when I ad surgery. It was hell. Expressing was awful. They refused the bottle for an hour so were screaming each feed until I came around enough to feed.

Yes op, go buy a pump and bottles for one appointment. Lol.

Hospital are being crazy.

YANBU so you have to choose to get a babysitter and leave your newborn BF baby with a complete stranger (if you have no support) or not seek medical treatment.
That is completely unfair and unreasonable of them.

I'm so sorry OP I meant to post on the cake thread.

Contact PALS and they will be able to help/

Tbh I think a lot of women cannot access care when postpartum. My twins were on NICU and I was in with them - for weeks - wasn't possible to get a GP appt. I had to wait till they were a couple of months old and hardy enough to be reliably left for a couple of hours with my mum and a dummy.

It's shit, sorry.

I would fight this tooth and nail