To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

@mam0918 - I suffered through 10 years of infertility treatments and can’t believe you said this. It’s often people like us, those of us who needed potions and lotions and every kind of assistance imaginable to conceive a rainbow baby, who are the ones that have to bring newborns along to for our checkups.

I had to rock up to a gynae appointment recently with my newborn and toddler as childcare fell through. Not at all ideal but really nobody batted an eyelid (except for me!)

@User7312019

But you could easily just pump and leave an emergency bottle of breast milk for baby - you don’t need to leave them hungry or distressed?

Maybe, maybe not. I could never get the hang of it sufficiently well to reliably feed my baby, and certainly not at 7 weeks.

I was in the exact same situation just over 2 years ago. I took my baby to all my appointments. I needed revision surgery for the tear (hope this doesn’t happen for you!) and my husband came into the surgery unit with our baby so he could feed immediately before I went into the operating theatre and shortly after I came round (I couldn’t pump and my baby wouldn’t take a bottle).

It was shortly pre-Covid so that wasn’t an issue but the hospital were unbelievably supportive.

Babies that age sleep for hours at a time. I have one now- I can confidently say he wouldn't randomly wake up if settled too sleep. Even if I had to feed whilst being examined that would in no way interfere with an examination

🤣🤣🤣

No one told mine.

Dd I think only slept for about 15 minutes at any time. If you have a good sleeper don’t brag about it. Not all babies are the same.

@fanjosaysi - haha oh I wish. Ds never napped for more than 30 mins until over 1 year. 15-20 usually, and only in sling or rocked in pram

If anything many posts show an utter lack of awareness or care about why many people are there and the fact its supposed to be a safe place for struggling women.

No one wants to be told they are infertile, get bad test results that may affect ever having children or go over the procedure for a DNC due to a missed miscarriage while someone sits blissfully ignorant with their newborn.

I can assure you from experience that looking after a newborn after sustaining a severe birth injury that may or may not leave you with life-long effects is far from blissful.

Not everyone can just leave their baby with someone either. My LO would have a meltdown if held by anyone except me or her dad for the first year of her life. That's still pretty much the case although she's ok at nursery. That's a lot for a family member to deal with. Lucky for us there were two of us available but not everyone has that either.

[quote Whereismumhiding3]@Totallydefeated

There's no value in "arguing" with me. I was explaining that nearly all hospitals are still under COVID restrictions. Ours is.

There are reasons you can't have baby in your care at that type of appmt and Covid reasons you can't take extra adults in / aren't allowed to bring children in.

I haven't suggested baby is full of Covid at all! But the rule for most hospitals still (agreed per site with Regional Health Director) due to covid19 public health measures, then OP can afford to wait until she can make arrangements for cover for baby ; if it's urgent (like an ambulance led admission to A&E) then OP will have had to make contingency arrangements.

She has a DP. DP can care for baby whilst she has her clinic check up.

[/quote]
I’m not ‘arguing’ with you, I’m stating my opinion. I think you misunderstood: I wasn’t disputing the fact the hospital are running, still, with Covid procedures, I know they are.

I was saying that the procedures are wrong if they stop a newly post partum mother taking in a newborn breastfed baby to an appointment for a birth injury. You were defending them. I was pointing out that if the hospital thinks a 7 week old baby poses a major public health Covid risk, then it doesn’t know it’s arse from its elbow.

As for OP having a DP, who you think should be allowed time off work to accompany her, surely you realise that not everybody does?

I can appreciate the NHS is stretched. But it should be doing better than this, and with a little common sense and thought it could easily do so, at no extra cost.

@BrownMilk

There's a lot of misinformation on this thread. Breastfeeding mum and baby are one unit and should only be kept apart where there is a risk to the infant or mum.

Covid hasn't changed this but has made some things a little more complicated as standard visiting guidelines don't always detail arrangements for breastfeeding. The person who answered your phonecall probably isn't aware of the relevant guidance.

We have had patients supported to breastfeed their infant in hospital throughout covid restrictions. Infant feeding team really can help here.

How ridiculous to describe mother and baby as one unit who can only be prised apart from one another if either is at risk. It is precisely this kind of extremism whuch frightens the life out of expectant mothers and is enough to put anyone off breasfeeding. I successfully breastfed two children but during that time period went for solo walks, got my hair done, met friends for coffee, etc.

I successfully breastfed two children but during that time period went for solo walks, got my hair done, met friends for coffee, etc

I am presuming you had someone there to look after children.

Some people don’t.

@theleafandnotthetree I agree that kind of talk puts some women off breastfeeding. Who never wants to be apart from their baby for even a second.

@jezziej

Plus... (just playing devils advocate here/adding food for thought) what if I was someone who doesn't own a breast pump or whose baby definitely doesn't take a bottle?

Tbf you don't need a pump whatsoever to express, but a bottle you will obviously need.

I agree it's not fair for a baby so young to have to be separated. The fact single mums do it as pp mentioned... we'll, I don't think they should have to either, really

I exclusively pumped for 7 months (baby wouldn't latch) and the only way I could express was via a rented hospital grade pump. Manual, silicone, portable pumps etc did not work at all for me.

You dont think a baby should be separated from its mother for 30 minutes??

@Ajl46 Off topic but I'm always curious what people mean by hospital grade pump? I was lent one so I could pump on two sides at once when my baby wasn't gaining weight, but for all it was a great lump of a machine it was made by Medela and did exactly the same thing as my Medela Swing. Was no more powerful etc. Did I miss out on a better one or do people just mean the hospital ones are better than the cheap or manual pumps on the market?

But isn’t going to be 30 minutes, is it. First of all there WILL be a wait - I sometimes waited up to 1.5-2 hours for my appointments past the appointment time in Gynaecology. And then the appointment is scheduled for 30 minutes but the nature of the problems they see are quite unpredictable - when I was in the same situation as OP I remember being examined by a registrar who then wanted a consultant to examine me, who then wanted another consultant who specialised in that particular type of healing problem to examine me, who then wanted to book me in for surgery ASAP - all of which took time, and I think I was in the department for about 5 hours for a ‘30 minute appointment’ (not including travel time to and from my home - a further 30 minutes each way).

(I hope that none of that happens to the OP but let’s not pretend she’ll be in and out in 30 minutes flat.)

The consultation with the doctor might be 30 minutes long but you will be sat in the waiting room for … hmm any promises there? The staff are scarce and sometimes get pulled away to emergencies too so you sometimes have to wait a while.

I sat in a waiting room for 2 and a half hours before my last hospital appointment.

They should let an EBF baby in with you. I’d just take them.

[quote julieca]@theleafandnotthetree I agree that kind of talk puts some women off breastfeeding. Who never wants to be apart from their baby for even a second.[/quote]
But sometimes that's the reality sometimes. Frequent feeder, total bottle refuser despite a daily bottle from birth.

Double sometimes, sorry!

julieca

You dont think a baby should be separated from its mother for 30 minutes??

Not if it’s a breastfed baby and the mother doesn’t want to and there’s not an unavoidable need to, no.

Plus, as pps say, quite rightly, there’s no way on earth it’ll just be 30 minutes. It’s an NHS appointment, not a private one. Including the waiting time it could be anything from 1-2.5 hours.

Slughtly off topic but this thread made me wonder.
If a mother with a v young baby (or infact any baby or child) needs an emergency admission to hospital, what happens to the baby?
For example, mum pushing baby in pram, collapses, a passer by calls the ambulance.

Baby would have to be looked after by paramedics whilst they were dealing with mum. They couldn't refuse to take the baby with the, couldn't expect a stranger on the street to care for it.

So in that case any hcp the mother sees on admission would also have to look after the baby.
If it's possible in these emergency situations, why not possible in a gyne clinic where this option can be foreseen and planned for?

@Tee20x

This wouldn't even have occurred to me. I wouldn't have said I needed to bring my baby with me and just turned up with her.

Unless they actually have a no kids policy that was on the letter or whatever.

seriously though what do people do if they have no family or friends to leave the baby with? Just not get medical treatment? There must be some alternative.

Also a newborn will just chill or sleep throughout. Hardly a toddler running up and down the halls.

But what you are doing here is making your problem the hospitals. People have raised valid points - if you faint, taken unwell, room too small etc. you are expecting the NHS staff to take care of your baby wishing I can imagine will be a real struggle to do. Planning ahead and getting childcare avoids the above scenarios. I am not suggesting it is easy at all but it needs to be something the parent organises so they're happy with the things put in place - not just pass it on and hope for the best.

@Whichcatthatcat

Slughtly off topic but this thread made me wonder. If a mother with a v young baby (or infact any baby or child) needs an emergency admission to hospital, what happens to the baby? For example, mum pushing baby in pram, collapses, a passer by calls the ambulance.

Baby would have to be looked after by paramedics whilst they were dealing with mum. They couldn't refuse to take the baby with the, couldn't expect a stranger on the street to care for it.

So in that case any hcp the mother sees on admission would also have to look after the baby.
If it's possible in these emergency situations, why not possible in a gyne clinic where this option can be foreseen and planned for?

Fortunately it happens very very rarely. Initially the baby would go to hospital with the Mum.

If Mum needed admission an assessment is made as to whether it is possible for baby to stay. Mum needs to be well enough to care for her child and for practical reasons, this can usually only happen if there is family support at times during the day, for example if the mother were to need investigations or treatment. It would also depend on the type of ward. So a mum with say breathing difficulties on an acute medical ward could only have the baby stay if there was a side room available. Otherwise the baby would be at risk of infection.

If mum was too unwell to care for her child, family members would be asked to help out. If that wasn't an option, social care have to look at emergency foster care.

@Strictly1 a generally well adult attending an outpatient appointment is unlikely to suddenly become acutely unwell to the point someone else has to take care of their baby. The op could easily be in the hospital for a whole afternoon so it’s reasonable to take the baby only she can feed with her. It’s not as though she has a planned admission for surgery and she’s rocked up with the baby expecting someone to take them.

You can’t compare it to a scenario concerning a parent and an older child, because in that case there’s someone else who can feed them.

Also having an EBF baby isn’t a “problem” it’s normal.