To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

@SickAndTiredAgain luckily my dh went and got me one. I spent the whole time crying and pumping into plastic cups.

@User7312019

But you could easily just pump and leave an emergency bottle of breast milk for baby - you don’t need to leave them hungry or distressed?

Not everyone can easily pump - I couldn't. And not every breast fed baby will suddenly accept a bottle.

Like lots of others here, I wouldn’t have mentioned it - not to be sneaky, but because it wouldn’t have occurred to me. I took my EBF babies to hospital appointments and no-one said a word. One appointment was quite long too. I took a car seat or pram so I had somewhere clean and safe to put baby if I needed to.

@BreatheAndFocus

Like lots of others here, I wouldn’t have mentioned it - not to be sneaky, but because it wouldn’t have occurred to me. I took my EBF babies to hospital appointments and no-one said a word. One appointment was quite long too. I took a car seat or pram so I had somewhere clean and safe to put baby if I needed to.

Of course - it wouldn't have occurred to me to do anything else!

@User7312019

But you could easily just pump and leave an emergency bottle of breast milk for baby - you don’t need to leave them hungry or distressed?

If only it were that simple

Sometimes you don't always have a choice.

I had cancer surgery when my baby was 5.5 weeks old. I practised expressing and bottle feeding beforehand so that I could leave baby for a full day (and couldn't breastfeed for another 48 hours after that while some drugs were in my system). I expressed and disposed of the milk to maintain my supply during this time.

It wasn't straightforward, but we all managed to get through that time and I continued breastfeeding until baby was a year old. Sometimes it isn't appropriate or possible for a baby to be in a hospital setting and might require some more complicated logistics to ensure they have the milk they need while you are away.

Congratulations on your baby and I wish you all the best with the recovery

There are some interesting responses here, thank you.

It was made clear that I couldn't bring baby into the hospital/waiting room, so I'll need to leave him in the car with his auntie (who is coming especially to sit in the car and look after him). So it's not as easy as being able to feed in the waiting room if necessary - he'll be away from me.

I will double check the policy in person when I get there tomorrow... I'm hoping the lady I spoke to on the phone misinterpreted the rules, although it's unlikely as she was from the gynaecology department and she also checked with a colleague.

I will also ask the reasoning behind the decision tomorrow (and will update here), as I'm curious... and most of you seem to agree with me that the policy hasn't been thought through.

I breastfed my first child for 2.5 years and like many people here I never thought to ask if I could bring him to appointments, especially in the early months, I just assumed it was fine and nobody challenged me or was negative about it (in fact, if anything, I was positively encouraged to get on with it and bring baby with me). If an examination was needed I'd just pop baby into the pram/car seat.

I was actually intimately examined following infection of my perineal tear following the birth of this baby while breastfeeding (I did offer to put baby into the pram but the lovely doctor said there was no reason to)... admittedly I'd been asked to come into the post natal ward for a check so you'd expect some understanding there of all places, but it does go to show that babies and intimate examinations are not mutually exclusive!
(Mind you, I don't recommend breastfeeding during an intimate examination if you can help it, I felt rather contorted 🤣)

Of course, now I know the department have said it's not OK (and especially because I don't know the reasoning), I don't want to risk bringing baby in and then being turned away. I will certainly ask if my sister in law can bring him in when I get there, though, in case there's someone sympathetic there!

When my tear was checked I had to take my 12wk old EBFed baby and 2yo with me.
There was no other option other than go without healthcare.
DH was working abroad.
No family within a couple of counties.
No avaliable friends, they had those job things in the way.
Plus DS2 was a bottle refuser like DS1 had been.
They were also a tad too young to leave at home on their own.

As my babies reached 4-6m the gap between feeds increased and it became viable to gradually do things seperately from them between starting off with things like a local 1hr exercise class. They would have been well into weaning before managing the several hours required to fit in the practicalities of a hospital appointment even if childcare actually existed.

I don’t think it would have occurred to me to ask, I would just have turned up.

Right now I would prefer not to take a tiny baby into a hospital and would leave them outside with my husband if at all possible.

Sorry but you're not special just because you are breastfeeding. Follow and respect their rules like everyone else. There's obviously a reason as to why they want your full concentration.

I think this is BS especially as they could easily have you in the waiting room for hours let’s face it.

@beatrice82

Sorry but you're not special just because you are breastfeeding. Follow and respect their rules like everyone else. There's obviously a reason as to why they want your full concentration.

I don't think I'm "special" and I am planning not to take baby in with me (aka following the rules).

But I would like to know how the hospital -or anyone else for that matter - thinks my child is going to be fed (especially given that breastfeeding is so highly promoted and supported by the NHS in the area I live in).

It's not a case of "I want my baby with me because I'm special", it's a case of "my baby solely relies on me for nutrition".

If I was to go out and leave my baby for a length of time, I'm sure the NHS/health visitors would frown upon my actions. Yet they're insisting I do the equivalent under their roof (for what could be minutes, could be hours depending on the wait). Seems like madness.

Hmm. The more I think about it, the more I think I'm not being unreasonable. It'll be interesting to find out the reasoning behind their thinking tomorrow. Depending on the answer, I might contact PALS and provide some feedback. I can't be the only person in this situation and this could potentially create a real and unnecessary barrier to much needed treatment for some mothers.

My second was ebf and wouldn't take a bottle either. He is now eight and did not suffer from occasionally being made to wait for a feed. Surely a 7 week old who has just had a feed in the car will be ok for the 30-60 minutes you are away from them. Especially if they're walked around the carpark in their pushchair or carried by auntie in a sling. I had to cancel a number of hospital appointments during the summer as I didn't have childcare for my children and the hospital absolutely refused to let me take them (because of covid). Don't stress about it and don't make a complaint either - that's the last thing hospitals need at the moment.

@beatrice82

Sorry but you're not special just because you are breastfeeding. Follow and respect their rules like everyone else. There's obviously a reason as to why they want your full concentration.

What a twatty response.

She doesn't think she's 'special' because she's breastfeeding. She's wondering how her son, who relies solely on her milk, will be affected by her absence, and - quite rightly - concerned about his welfare.

If you always blindly go along with rules that are seemingly arbitrary/silly/inconvenient/cruel without challenging them, so you can be 'like everyone else', then more fool you.

And no, there's not always a good reason why rules are in place. Sometimes- rules are imposed without a thorough think-through of all their consequences in all contexts.

It's quite sensible of OP to raise this with PALS. It may be there's good reason for this, it may be there isn't. Either way, it's inconveniencing her, and her SIL, and potentially causing distress to her baby. The hospital need to be aware they're not meeting the needs of their patients and not offering patient-centred care.

If I was to go out and leave my baby for a length of time, I'm sure the NHS/health visitors would frown upon my actions. Yet they're insisting I do the equivalent under their roof (for what could be minutes, could be hours depending on the wait). Seems like madness.

Quite.

If the hospital are imposing restrictions that affect the welfare of newborns there needs to be a damn good reason, and as much effort to mitigate this as possible.

I work in radiology/ultrasound so we get a lot of postpartum ladies coming for scans. 9 times out of 10 they bring their newborns. It's not a problem at all. We do say on the letter not to bring children but I think it's a general consensus that doesn't apply to tiny newborn babies. The only real disruption from people bringing their kids is from toddlers or curious 7-10 year olds that talk through the whole scan.

As previous poster said, the hospital infant feeding team will be able to clarify the relevant policy. You should be able to breastfeed a baby when you attend hospital. You might be asked to have someone extra with you for during your appointment though.

Have you considered the reasons why they maybe don’t allow children? If it’s gynae they likely also see women suffering recurrent miscarriages, infertility etc.

Is this always the rule or just during Covid? Is the rule in place to protect your vulnerable newborn as they can’t guarantee social distancing etc.

I would ask why before automatically assuming discrimination and complaining.

Sorry but you're not special just because you are breastfeeding. Follow and respect their rules like everyone else.
The baby is special, though.

I also don’t think it’s as simple as “a good feed beforehand” – what 7-week-old complies with a routine where you can ensure you give them a massive feed 10 minutes before an appointment, then sleeps for the duration? Random cluster feeds, random massive deep naps at the time you want to feed them, random “settle in, mum, I plan to camp out on your nipple for three hours or there will be HELL to pay” feeds… So much easier to make it easier to bring the baby in with you.

I had a post baby exam, a smear and pelvic floor physio they just popped the baby on my chest while they did the check up and smear.

Why is it that women’s health and post birth health are so unaccommodating to women post birth?

I had a gynae app six weeks after birth of DS1, during which I was examined, scanned and immediately admitted for an emergency d&c. Was under general anaesthetic in theatre within two hours and kept in overnight. DS was bottle fed due to my lack of supply so not too much of a problem but if I’d been breastfeeding am not sure what I’d have done.

I've done lots of consultations with very young babies and its a total nightmare. If they start screaming and need feeding during the examination then its just game over. You cannot conduct a gynae exam with this going on. You need to take someone with you to care for the baby. It isn't up to the consultant to find a solution to your baby sitting problems. They need the whole 30 minutes to deal with the problem at hand.

I’m going to a breast clinic soon and I’ve been told it could take 3hours depending on what they want to do, they have said I can take my baby and if necessary they will help look after baby. It’s not ideal but I have to fly to my appointment then catch a flight home. There is no way I’m leaving my baby at home incase I miss flight (time is tight) or weather disturbs flight (very possible), I don’t have anyone to ask to come and wait with baby for 3 hours. My husband will be staying at home with other children. I totally think you should be able to bring baby, I’d expect you to feed baby beforehand and hopefully be able to settle them so your appointment can go ahead as smoothly as possible but I totally get not wanting to leave your young baby. Not all babies take a bottle nor do all bf mothers have a pump or bother expressing. Hope your appointment goes well and I don’t see the harm in asking them about this policy.

Indeed. If they didn't offer the information, in hindsight you shouldn't have asked!

If I was to go out and leave my baby for a length of time, I'm sure the NHS/health visitors would frown upon my actions. Yet they're insisting I do the equivalent under their roof (for what could be minutes, could be hours depending on the wait). Seems like madness. good point. I hadn't considered that. I'm changing my vote to YANBU