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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

257 replies

Poppins2016 · 05/11/2021 21:19

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

OP posts:
SickAndTiredAgain · 05/11/2021 22:04

@BeenScammed

Breastfeeding mother hear. I wouldn't have thought to ask. I would've turned to with baby.

If had to go to the doctors a few times recently. With 1 or 2 kids. I don't have another option.

Yes, they must have babies turn up reasonably often because I also wouldn’t have thought to ask and would have just turned up.
Mantlemoose · 05/11/2021 22:04

You won't be the only patient there. There will be other patients there who may be receiving difficult news or treatment where as calm an atmosphere as possible is required. Obviously baby may sleep the whole way through but if not and baby is screaming you'll have to stop your appointment. This will delay others and cause difficulties. Maybe think it's not all about you?

Bollindger · 05/11/2021 22:05

Really this is about you not being will to sort childcare , so you can get medical help.
Woman up ask someone to go with you, or rearrange to a day you CAN get childcare.

ApricotShandy · 05/11/2021 22:05

I think that's ridiculous. I would absolutely just take the baby with me.

When your baby is seven weeks old and you are breastfeeding, you and the baby come as one unit. You are effectively one patient.

If you can pop the baby in the pram during the examination, what's the problem?

turnthebiglightoff · 05/11/2021 22:05

My ds wouldn't take a bottle until he was 6 months old. And from about 6 weeks e only slept in 30 min increments. At my last gynae appt, I waited for 1.5 hours to be seen. What does one do here?

peachesarenom · 05/11/2021 22:05

YANBU defo just go and see what happens x

ApricotShandy · 05/11/2021 22:06

@Bollindger

Really this is about you not being will to sort childcare , so you can get medical help. Woman up ask someone to go with you, or rearrange to a day you CAN get childcare.
You sound insane. The baby is seven weeks old. Childcare barely exists for babies that young.
SarahAndQuack · 05/11/2021 22:06

@Mantlemoose

You won't be the only patient there. There will be other patients there who may be receiving difficult news or treatment where as calm an atmosphere as possible is required. Obviously baby may sleep the whole way through but if not and baby is screaming you'll have to stop your appointment. This will delay others and cause difficulties. Maybe think it's not all about you?
That's a bit harsh. She has a seven week old baby and a gynae issue: I'm fairly sure she's well aware it's not all about her (since at the moment it'll be all about the baby).

IMO hospitals ought to be able to manage appointments well enough that they don't introduce this sort of problem. And, I'm sorry, but if men had babies, this would be a non-issue.

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 22:07

[quote PuertoPollensa]@User7312019 it is not easy to "just pump"
First of all , you need a pump.
Then you need the time to pump. When baby us breastfeeding and there's another child at home where is the time supposed to appear from?
Then, maybe your body won't respond well to pumping. Maybe your body isn't making the extra milk. I tried to pump and got maybe 5ml in 20 mins. That's a teaspoon. For me to express a full bottle - 30ml? - would have taken a week. Or at least six or seven 20 min pumping sessions on top of breastfeeding the baby.
Then the milk and bottle (s) have to be cleaned and transported.
Next, the baby might refuse the bottle as s/he is exclusively breastfed.

People who have not pumped think that you hold the bottle to your boob and the milk pours in like from a carton. This is NOT how it works in real life and certainly not before the mother's body has adjusted to frequent daily pumping. Which is not the case here.[/quote]
It sort of did happen like that for me, baby on one breast and milk pouring out of the other breast. Mind you my doctor did say if I was a cow I'd win a prize, not sure if it was a compliment. Local maternity hospital used to collect pints off me every week for months.

MargaretThursday · 05/11/2021 22:07

I've done several hospital appointment baby looking after in similar situations. I don't think it's anything to do with covid, because I'm talking about before 2019.
If the baby's asleep then I'll sit in the café with them, if they're awake, then I walk them round outside in the pram. They keep you up to date ("still waiting" or "just going in" "waiting to see 2nd opinion" etc) so you know if the baby is getting to need a feed then you let them know if they're in a space and the receptionists were always happy for them to nip out and do a quick feed.

SickAndTiredAgain · 05/11/2021 22:08

@Bollindger

Really this is about you not being will to sort childcare , so you can get medical help. Woman up ask someone to go with you, or rearrange to a day you CAN get childcare.
Rearrange the hospital appointment? Those are like gold dust, she could be waiting months! Besides, childcare won’t help if the baby won’t take a bottle.
SarahAndQuack · 05/11/2021 22:08

@Bollindger

Really this is about you not being will to sort childcare , so you can get medical help. Woman up ask someone to go with you, or rearrange to a day you CAN get childcare.
Very, very few childcare settings accept babies this young - 12 weeks is the absolute minimum I've heard of, and the OP makes the point she's asking what happens if you have no family support for unofficial childcare.
mam0918 · 05/11/2021 22:11

As another point of view on top of it not being appropriate because you are having medical treatment but also because you need awareness that not everyone there is as lucky and privileged as you to have a child and that's a specialty that deals with that.

Many women waiting have struggled with infertility and losses some for many years or multiple times. I suffered infertility for 9 years (with a loss at the 6 year mark) and it sucked seeing people bring their children to the clinic.

I could handle it better than most at first as I had secondary infertility so was use to being around children but after my loss it became horrifically triggering to see babies. It was supposed to be a safe space for dealing with my diagnosis and treatment yet people invade it with their kids, friends and family members as if it was a day out without a thought for what others are dealing with.

Another reason it's not suitable is one time and woman was SCREAMING blue murder in one of the rooms and begging to 'make it stop', I have no idea what procedure she was having done (or maybe what diagnosis she had been told) but no kid needs to hear that.

Stopsnowing · 05/11/2021 22:11

Just take the baby with you. Try to feed her just before and get her settled in a car seat and take her in with you to the appointment. End of.

Cuck00soup · 05/11/2021 22:12

What are you planning to do with your baby if you need an intimate examination?

Let another adult help you out, even if it's by being close by in the car with the baby. That way you don't expose your newborn to hospital germs.

ApricotShandy · 05/11/2021 22:12

I am really shocked at the lack of understanding by some posters on this thread about how difficult it is to leave a newborn, but then I guess that lack of awareness might also explain the attitude of the receptionist.

I'm sure the policy comes from a place of not wanting toddlers causing havoc while you're having an intimate examination but a newborn is completely different. Just take the baby with you, I would.

ikeepseeingit · 05/11/2021 22:13

I would put money on the majority of women with babies that young just turning up with their babies to their appointment and not asking. Do they turn ALL of these women away??

It's absolute madness that you're going in for issues caused by childbirth, but said child (who is 7 weeks) is not allowed to come. What do they expect mothers with no family help? You can't just pay for childcare to look after a 7-week old baby no one will take them that young!

Kidsaregrim · 05/11/2021 22:14

Please contact your maternity department and ask to speak to the infant feeding lead. She may be able to arrange for you to be seen in maternity as many maternity and gynae appointments are next door to each other.

You are right that all hospitals should be breastfeeding friendly and you should be able to bring your baby.

Please don’t listen to the people saying “what if you collapse” I’ve had plenty of dads collapse while accompanying women to their appointments and it will be dealt with, just like your baby would be looked after in them circumstances!

Totallydefeated · 05/11/2021 22:15

It would never have occurred to me that a gynae appointment for a post-partum mother suffering from a birth injury would not be welcoming to a new born. I mean, why on earth would you think otherwise?

I’d just turn up with the baby, Op. Why should you miss out on care because you have a baby?

MOOoooo · 05/11/2021 22:15

I wouldn't even known how to pump and even did not own any bottles when I EBF my 2 babies, so it would have been v difficult to be away from 7w old. At that age the routine is not established- I am not sure how would you manage. Best way probably is to ask someone to come with you and look after the baby during your appointment.

Bollindger · 05/11/2021 22:15

Very few people have no partner, no parents, no friends.
Yes you don't want to be miles away from baby, we all see that, but this is a case of it's not on to expect your doctor to be checking you wounds with a child in the room.
Tell your baby's dad if your together he needs to be there.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 05/11/2021 22:17

Could it be for other women? I know that when I had to attend the recurrent miscarriages clinic (located in an adjacent clinic but sharing a waiting room with gynae) 5 weeks after I'd lost my baby, there was a crying baby in the waiting room with its (I'm assuming) father...it cut me like a knife.

snackess · 05/11/2021 22:17

YANBU of course you can take your EBF baby with you. I wouldn't even ask. However I would do my best to not have them in the actual appointment. If you're having an intimate examination you're unlikely to be able to be available to feed them or even hold them.
I'd take the baby, wait with the baby and have DP or someone on hand to hold baby whilst I went for appointment. Even an EBF baby will be ok for 30 mins.

If they're funny about a second person waiting with you due to covid just tell them you'll wait in the car / hospital cafe / other area or outside and they can call you when they're ready as you can't leave the baby for an extended period of time.

Honesty nobody ever had any issue with me doing this.

SarahAndQuack · 05/11/2021 22:18

@mam0918

As another point of view on top of it not being appropriate because you are having medical treatment but also because you need awareness that not everyone there is as lucky and privileged as you to have a child and that's a specialty that deals with that.

Many women waiting have struggled with infertility and losses some for many years or multiple times. I suffered infertility for 9 years (with a loss at the 6 year mark) and it sucked seeing people bring their children to the clinic.

I could handle it better than most at first as I had secondary infertility so was use to being around children but after my loss it became horrifically triggering to see babies. It was supposed to be a safe space for dealing with my diagnosis and treatment yet people invade it with their kids, friends and family members as if it was a day out without a thought for what others are dealing with.

Another reason it's not suitable is one time and woman was SCREAMING blue murder in one of the rooms and begging to 'make it stop', I have no idea what procedure she was having done (or maybe what diagnosis she had been told) but no kid needs to hear that.

I'm so very sorry for your loss and your pain.

But, isn't this a problem with the way appointments are set up, not the OP?

I have had recurrent miscarriages, and I've been TTC for getting on for fifteen years now - it is rough, of course it is, but I don't see why the OP should be required to compromise her health or her baby's health because of it? I really do believe this is something that could be easily sorted if women's healthcare weren't the bottom of the heap, priority-wise, for healthcare providers.

elpth · 05/11/2021 22:18

I had a coil fitted while my EBF baby napped in a sling on my chest. Of course you should be allowed to take an EBF baby that young to your appointment. Like many others here, it would never have occurred to me to ask. I also had lots of dental treatment with a baby in a sling. It wasn't a problem for me, the baby or any of the health professionals.

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