To expect my EBF newborn to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment

[Poppins2016]

As the title says... AIBU to expect my EBF newborn (7 weeks) to be allowed to accompany me to a hospital appointment?

I've been referred to gynaecology due to a tear sustained during birth which is healing badly. When they contacted me to make an appointment I said I'd need to bring my baby with me, but I was told that it wouldn't be possible (despite me pointing out that my baby is exclusively breastfed and 7 weeks old - the appointment is tomorrow).

My GP is happy to allow my baby to accompany me to appointments. So is my local hospital. But this hospital isn't willing to allow it (stupidly, I didn't ask why, but will do at my appointment tomorrow)...

I'm considering making a complaint for various reasons (what if I was a single mother with no support network? What do they suggest I do if my appointment is delayed or runs over and baby needs a feed (leave and abandon the appointment - a waste of resources)? What about breastfeeding discrimination?)
According to this article, your right to breastfeed is protected in hospitals...

I'm wondering whether my expectation (and potential complaint) is reasonable, or whether I'm being unreasonable and my judgement is clouded by the stress of the situation...
I'm having to drive there, take someone with me, feed baby in the car and hand over, then go to my appointment which I was advised will be 30 minutes without a wait. Baby is completely reliant on me - no bottles whether formula or breast milk - so there's no back up. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that the wait time is low otherwise the worst case scenario is leaving the hospital to feed and asking to re-book the appointment which is a complete waste of resources.

I realise I could ask to delay the appointment, but I've been triaged and they want to see me now, plus I'm in a lot of discomfort and don't feel able to wait.

I also realise I sound as though it's my PFB - it's actually my second baby - I just feel very strongly that my baby shouldn't have to (potentially) become hungry and distressed because his mother needs medical treatment.

Fingers crossed that it's a non-issue and baby sleeps through/is content!

@Bollindger

Very few people have no partner, no parents, no friends. Yes you don't want to be miles away from baby, we all see that, but this is a case of it's not on to expect your doctor to be checking you wounds with a child in the room. Tell your baby's dad if your together he needs to be there.

It's very common to have no available partner (at seven weeks he's probably back at work), and no friends/family able to take a baby, surely?

Express milk before you go. Thats the rule so hard luck.

@Viviennemary

Express milk before you go. Thats the rule so hard luck.

Empathy oozes from you.

@Bollindger

Very few people have no partner, no parents, no friends. Yes you don't want to be miles away from baby, we all see that, but this is a case of it's not on to expect your doctor to be checking you wounds with a child in the room. Tell your baby's dad if your together he needs to be there.

Why, what will happen to the doctor if they check the birth injury with the newborn in the room? Surely that's a pretty common occurrence for doctors in hospitals

this is a case of it's not on to expect your doctor to be checking you wounds with a child in the room.

Why? I had a double appointment for mine and DD’s 6 week check up. The GP did whatever checks they do on the baby, then she checked me, including breasts (because DD and I had had quite bad mouth and nipple thrush respectively), and my tear because it was quite bad, and still uncomfortable. I can’t remember what I did with DD, she must have been in the pram or held by me. DH would have booked time off work if I’d asked, so he could take DD for my appointment, but to be honest it didn’t occur to me.

Also, surely, the vast majority of mothers have their birth injuries checked while the baby is right there?

Doctors must be pretty used to it as it's part of the basic checks you do once as the baby is born.

Baby carrier and big coat?...

I took my baby to all of my post-birth checkups including stitches removal, and later to a smear, no one thought anything of it. Mothers and babies go together as a package imo.

I'm actually really surprised that you can't take your baby in with you just to an appointment! I went in for minor surgery this week, under local anaesthetic, and when I told them i had no one to watch my 7 week old EBF baby they said to bring her and the nurses would watch her while I had the procedure. She ended up sleeping the whole way through.

Sounds crazy to me. When my babies were that young I never went anywhere without them. I didn't even bother asking people if my baby could accompany me to an appointment - they were attached to me in the sling, either fast asleep or breastfeeding (sometimes both at the same time lol).

Obviously if it's a hair appt or mortgage appt etc then that's totally different, but for an essential medical appt in a hospital I wouldn't have even bothered to ask. Im genuinely shocked that they would expect you to be separated from a 7 week old breastfed baby.

I had an immigration interview a few days after my PFB was born. I was enf, knew nothing about pumping and definitely didn’t own a pump. This country is hostile to my emigrant country, and it was a “get her for 9am and we’ll put you in the queue. We will get through everyone by 12pm”. Security checks drastic for the immigration services building: once you got your ticket, you couldn’t leave and return (just leave and come back another day).

No family or friends (recently arrived in the country). I fed PFB like mad outside the building until 8.59am and handed over to DH. Ended up having my interview at 11.30am. PFB had woken once, DH hushed and patted and put up with what would have felt like endless high pitch screaming but was probably a few mins long. PFB fell asleep again. My boobs were ready to explode by the time I got out.

PFB is now a tween, no harm was done to anyone except to me and my boobs at the time. Don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine.

Pre covid, I had a haemmorhage and was admitted 10 days after ds. I wasnt allowed to keep him with me and they were so strict about dh brining him in. They said I could keep my milk in the communal fridge and they couldnt lend me a breast pump. It was horrible.

But even if OP has childcare, what are they supposed to do when the baby inevitably needs feeding? It's not necessarily as simple as just expressing, often expressing just doesn't work or the baby won't take a bottle.

It beggars belief that a department dealing with birth injuries doesn't accommodate women bringing their ebf babies. I completely see the issue with having babies in the same waiting room as women who have experienced losses. I've experienced losses myself. But there must be a solution to make sure that tiny babies reliant on their mothers for their food can be fed, or the result will be women not going for appointments that they need.

Absolutely ridiculous policy

@spaceghetto

Pre covid, I had a haemmorhage and was admitted 10 days after ds. I wasnt allowed to keep him with me and they were so strict about dh brining him in. They said I could keep my milk in the communal fridge and they couldnt lend me a breast pump. It was horrible.

Because in case the haemorrhage wasn’t enough, let’s risk mastitis!

It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask to be honest. At 7 weeks pp I didn't have anyone else to leave DS with. Even if I had, he wouldn't go more than 45 minutes without a feed and whilst I could pump enough to feed an army, he acted like a bottle was poison. He came with me everywhere or I didn't go. Not much choice in the matter - things like meals out/ weddings etc where the host didn't want him there I just didn't attend and other things he just came along to. The one time I left him with my mum (who is very experienced and I trust completely) he lasted 90 minutes before screaming until he stopped breathing and she called am ambulance.

EBF does not mean, or should not mean that you can't be away from your baby ever. Bloody hell. Give the baby a good feed beforehand if she/he will take it, worst case scenario they have to wait a little while for a feed. It really is not the end of the world. And I exclusively fed my daughter, never gave her a bottle for the first 6 months but I definitely was away from her many times for hour or two hour stretches. Not having someone to mind the baby is a different thing obviously but surely rare enough. I don't think policy should be made on that basis.

YABU you need someone with you at the hospital to watch baby, you are having an intimate examination to check your wound is healing correctly what if the baby starts crying while you are having the procedure?
It's going to distract the HCP and you can't expect another member of staff to look after your baby when they have other duties to attend too.

I'm sure your baby will be fine without you for the 30 minute duration of the appointment. Just get your friend/partner/family member to look after her in the waiting area. If she cries they can take her for a walk.

@Poppins2016

Not that this helps you really but most babies will sleep in a buggy that's kept moving
My baby is 9 weeks old and EBF she also uses me as a comforter so it totally reliant if I had to go somewhere without her she would be in the buggy for them that way I wouldn't be worried about her screaming for me

Sorry to those of you who have had losses/ infertility, but honestly it’s the hospital’s fault and very poor set up that they see women with miscarriage issues in the same place as new mothers. Totally inappropriate set-up.

It’s not the new mothers’ fault and their health / the health of their baby shouldn’t be put at risk to avoid upsetting others.

@mam0918

As another point of view on top of it not being appropriate because you are having medical treatment but also because you need awareness that not everyone there is as lucky and privileged as you to have a child and that's a specialty that deals with that.

Many women waiting have struggled with infertility and losses some for many years or multiple times. I suffered infertility for 9 years (with a loss at the 6 year mark) and it sucked seeing people bring their children to the clinic.

I could handle it better than most at first as I had secondary infertility so was use to being around children but after my loss it became horrifically triggering to see babies. It was supposed to be a safe space for dealing with my diagnosis and treatment yet people invade it with their kids, friends and family members as if it was a day out without a thought for what others are dealing with.

Another reason it's not suitable is one time and woman was SCREAMING blue murder in one of the rooms and begging to 'make it stop', I have no idea what procedure she was having done (or maybe what diagnosis she had been told) but no kid needs to hear that.

Which is why these units needs to be designed with two waiting areas. And maternity and birthing units need separate areas for women who are experiencing infant loss.

It can be done. I had a terrible eye infection that looked like shingles. If the bloody eye unit can rustle up a separate space to keep me from potentially infecting other patients surely a unit that serves recently postpartum women AND women with fertility issues could be expected to manage waiting areas sensitively.

(And in case you’re wondering - I’m infertile, my baby is a miracle of IVF and years of fertility investigations and treatment so I do understand how hard it is)

I agree with you. I wouldn't have asked - Id expect medical treatment for mothers of newborns to expect the baby to come too.

It's a shocking attitude to have. It's not just about milk and bottles - it's about newborn babies needing to be near their mothers.

Op- If I was you I'd probably just take your baby and say you assume that the person you spoke to must have the wrong end of the stick because it can't be policy to demand 7 week old babies are left.

I EBF two babies and I understand how you feel. But, in your situation I would give the baby a really good feed before driving to the hospital. Then give another really good feed when you get there, immediately before the appointment. Dad (or a trusted relation or friend) can then take the baby for a walk in a sling or pram, and there is a good chance that they will sleep for an hour or two, by which time you will hopefully have returned from your appointment.

I agree with the PPs saying bring him - awful for you and baby to leave him if he’s cluster feeding. I brought mine everywhere with me - physio appts, dr appts, hairdresser etc in a pram or sling - single parent and she was ebf till 6 months, and I didn’t want to leave her.