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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

748 replies

AmIInside · 05/11/2021 09:32

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

OP posts:
SalmonEile · 05/11/2021 10:27

@Clementineapples if it was a “omg get out of my face “ shove then I’d agree with you more but it wasn’t , she grabbed her by the arm and threw her with force.

Now Maybe the OP is exaggerating and it was just a shove and she happened to fall but I can only go on what she said

Clementineapples · 05/11/2021 10:27

Many of my coworkers are annoying but I never throw anyone on the ground

And if you are 9 years old that’s amazing well done you. If you are an adult who has actually matured past 9 years old then maybe comparing yourself to a child who has nowhere near reached adult maturity is pretty irrelevant

Cryalot2 · 05/11/2021 10:28

Sorry op these things do hurt. Your dd did not deserve to be pushed.
But your dd should not be dancing in the street, she could injure people. She needs to restrict where she does this and not in public .
Calling the other girl ugly snd saying this is ehy she is not a dancer is beyond rude.

You can if you like have a word with her teacher to see if all is ok and tell your dd she can only dance in certain places. She is fortunate not to have injured herself or others with dancing in inappropriate places.

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 10:28

@AnkleDeep

I'm sorry, OP. But your DD sounds very annoying. Tell her there's a time and a place and the street after school is neither.

She shouldn't have been thrown to the floor but the other girl must have just had enough of her silliness.

Oh that's OK then, she had enough of her so throwing her to the ground and hurting her is fine. Does the same go for men who get annoyed with their wife? It's OK he''d just had enough so punched her in the face.

Dancing might be annoying but it isn't criminal, the violent child is the one behaving dangerously. What if the OPs DD had hurt her head instead of her arm? She might be in a coma. She isn't to young to learn that actions have consequences.

I can't believe how people are supporting a child being violent.

MRex · 05/11/2021 10:28

I'd have both "friendships" cool right down now. It's obvious that the girls aren't getting along and the mum dislikes your DD, so it's high time to find new friends. Meantime, your DD shouldn't be behaving like that in the street when she's getting in people's way, she needs to understand when to tone down her behaviour and it's up to you as her living parent to teach her that so she doesn't make life difficult for herself. She's 9 she should be able to learn appropriate time and place for mucking about.

TractorAndHeadphones · 05/11/2021 10:29

Lack of reading comprehension on this thread but also OP post is misleading.

The thrower has already been told off! By their own mother. Nobody’s condoning their behaviour in fact it’s a red herring.

OP’s final question is whether her daughter deserves to be slagged off in private which is separate to the throwing and the answer is yes if she’s that annoying. OP can’t accept that her daughter is wrong in this regard.

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 10:29

@Clementineapples

Many of my coworkers are annoying but I never throw anyone on the ground

And if you are 9 years old that’s amazing well done you. If you are an adult who has actually matured past 9 years old then maybe comparing yourself to a child who has nowhere near reached adult maturity is pretty irrelevant

In a few months that 9 year old will be criminally responsible for her actions so she needs to learn a bit of control sharpish.
Thebookswereherfriends · 05/11/2021 10:31

DD was in the wrong for being deliberately annoying after being asked to stop. Friend absolutely in the wrong for hurting your dd. I would cool the contact simply because the friend's Mum is clearly slagging off your dd at home and they don't seem very compatible as friends.

Clementineapples · 05/11/2021 10:31

In a few months that 9 year old will be criminally responsible for her actions so she needs to learn a bit of control sharpish.

Yes I’m sure the police have plenty of time for childish spats.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/11/2021 10:31

DD isn't doing anything wrong by dancing as long as it's safe. Why does this other kid trump what dd wants?

She had no right to throw her. I think l would step back a bit from this friendship. I wouldn't mention the comment.

DietCokeChipsAndMayo · 05/11/2021 10:31

Not one person has condoned the child throwing OPs DD to the ground. Not one person.
We are just not ignoring the other bad behaviour here aswell.
This whole situation could’ve been avoided if the OPs DD hadn’t escalated it by being annoying.
Does that condone the violence? No. But does OP need to stop indulging her child to prevent situations like this (or worse) happening in the future? Yes.

Whinge · 05/11/2021 10:32

She isn't to young to learn that actions have consequences.

The same could be said of the OPs DD. Had she stopped when asked the situation wouldn't have escalated as it did.

PleasantBirthday · 05/11/2021 10:33

a lot of these posts come across as “well yeah she shouldn’t have pushed her but your DD is horrible too ”

They do, yes. Personally, I think they just sound like a couple of 9 year olds!

Many of my coworkers are annoying but I never throw anyone on the ground

You probably don't annoy them on purpose or call them ugly or tell them the boss hates them or any of this other stuff that really adults should be beyond.

This is a children's argument with a couple of children acting like absolute children. Nothing for the grown ups to get overly invested in here.

TinyTear · 05/11/2021 10:33

@AtLeastPretendToCare

I don’t think this has gone as the Op hoped
yes, she was hoping for us to say how her talented little offspring can't be restrained and needs to express herself!

when she was a rude little madam calling her friend ugly!

Clementineapples · 05/11/2021 10:33

if it was a “omg get out of my face “ shove then I’d agree with you more but it wasn’t , she grabbed her by the arm and threw her with force.

I took that to mean dd was swirling arms up in other child’s face. Other child grabbed her arm and pushed her away from her. Also the mother told her daughter off. What else can she do? At least she accepted her daughter was about of order and asked her to apologise.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/11/2021 10:33

Well no she shouldn't have pushed her but it sounds like your dd ramped up the dancing close to the friend after the friend had told her it was annoying her . Also calling her ugly wasnt very pleasent. Sounds like both of them were in the wrong. Id leave it now if I was you

Toottootdrive · 05/11/2021 10:34

The karate kid has been told off. Hopefully she will learn from this.

Your dancing daughter sounds incredibly annoying and you need to help her reign it in if you want her to have friends going forward.

There is a girl like this in my DD8 class and she annoys kids and parents alike. Mum is totally oblivious to it, as you appear to be.

Clementineapples · 05/11/2021 10:34

DD isn't doing anything wrong by dancing as long as it's safe. Why does this other kid trump what dd wants?

Dd mum literally asked her to stop before she bumped into someone. So it wasn’t safe.

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 10:35

@Brefugee

No, it wasn't wrong to throw her to the ground GAH! it was wrong to throw her to the ground! nobody has come out of this looking good, tbh.

if i was going to award it on points I'd say your daughter is slightly worse because of the ugly jibe.

She was hurt and crying but she didn't hit back, she didn't kick her or throw something at her she called her a name. More control than the attacker.
Feedingthebirds1 · 05/11/2021 10:35

The aspect of this which strikes me is that the girls don't seem to like each other at all, but are forced to interact because you and her mum are friends.

Maybe finding things to do with your friend that don't involve your DDs would be a good place to start. And - completely separate from anything the other girl may have said - teach DD that there is a time and place, and that when she's in shops or on the street is neither.

BoredZelda · 05/11/2021 10:36

Some of you must live in very naice areas where the kids behave impeccably.

Some of you must live in very rough areas if seeing kids throw each other to the ground is entirely normal behaviour.

NoStylist · 05/11/2021 10:36

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt with having 5 children, is too let them get on with it. I will only ever become involved in my children’s drama if one of them have been hurt, and I will message the parent to deal with their child. In this situation I would only be messaging the friend if she hadn’t of said anything to her dd when she pushed your dd, she did, draw a line. They’ll be best friends by Monday.

Comedycook · 05/11/2021 10:37

I would cool the contact simply because the friend's Mum is clearly slagging off your dd at home

Everyone talks about people. It's not necessarily slagging them off. The conversation could have gone like this

Friend....so and so is always dancing, I hate it

Friends mum...yes I know it is a bit annoying, just try to ignore it

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/11/2021 10:37

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I think those comments your daughter made about her friend being ugly was a real insight to what she’s probably like to other children when there are no adults around.“

This.
Throwing to the ground isn’t on, of course it isn’t but that’s been dealt with.
Your daughter sounds like a bit of a diva with a sharp tongue. You need to stop facilitating her precious behaviour: she may say the wrong thing to the wrong person next time and find herself in a lot of trouble.

BoredZelda · 05/11/2021 10:38

The same could be said of the OPs DD. Had she stopped when asked the situation wouldn't have escalated as it did.

Yes, it is important that a 9 year old girl learns that she needs to be still and quiet or she deserves to be met with violence.