Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

1. Other girl should not have used force on your daughter.

1. Both girls said horrible things to one another (typical).

1. Other mother was embarrassed as she has obviously said something like this to her DD (most of us have done this).

1. The way you describe your DD and her dancing reminds me of the most bloody annoying girls in my DD's class when she was in the junior school. They were all girls whom I secretly felt deserved a hefty slap, and I would have been secretly glad, had another child delivered it for me.

1. That said, physical violence towards someone who's really bloody annoying is still wrong, and children have to learn this even if you secretly see their point

1. If you contact the mother, you and she will not be friends for much longer.

You DD should not have been pushed to the ground. That is the main issue here.

The rest is tit-for-tat, they sound as bad as each other.

I would forget it happened, don't say anything, the other mother will be mortified she was outed by her daughter. The girls are very different, age related jealousy, they will grow out of it! The mother no doubt will also be livid her daughter slam dunked yours (wrongly) but let your daughter learn. Step back & chill. 😉

@HopelesslyOptimistic

I would forget it happened, don't say anything, the other mother will be mortified she was outed by her daughter. The girls are very different, age related jealousy, they will grow out of it! The mother no doubt will also be livid her daughter slam dunked yours (wrongly) but let your daughter learn. Step back & chill. 😉

She probably be more livid that her DD dropped her in it.

No good can come from you raising this. Leave it be.

If Natalia fucking Osipova can walk normally, so can your DD. Proof:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=1JHScgksPvc

@cheninblanc

No she shouldn't have been pushed to the ground but she should have stopped twirling around, the other young girl had already said how annoying she was being. I think your daughter could do with learning that when people say stop it's a stop but the child do with apologising too

So the OP's DD should just do as other people tell her no matter what? That's a great message to give to kids your friend's DD sounds like a bullying brat, she misused karate and whilst I'm sure your DD annoyed her, at age 9 there are better ways she could've asked her to stop

So the OP's DD should just do as other people tell her no matter what? That's a great message to give to kids hmm your friend's DD sounds like a bullying brat, she misused karate and whilst I'm sure your DD annoyed her, at age 9 there are better ways she could've asked her to stop

She did ask her to stop, but she got even more annoying and goady. Her mother didn't stop her either. I can understand why a child might lash out in those circumstances.

Margot Fonteyn... walking off a plane, walking into a press conference

m.youtube.com/watch?v=K9uST_jtGrA

It’s interesting how much more acceptable violence is than dancing on this thread. (Not in the real world obviously).

No one should be throwing people to the floor. Although throw is a strong word, your description sounds more like a shove (still wrong obviously)

Your DD does sound annoying and I’d be internally rolling my eyes at a nine year old constantly dancing around and infront of people when walking, especially in shops and stuff

AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

Yes yabu. Your friend dealt with her dd’s behaviour. Move on.

So, the mum has honestly thought your dd is annoying and previously has agreed with her dd on that. She had the tact and consideration not to tell you. Then her daughter outs her and she is embarrassed. Don’t make it worse by confronting her because you don’t like her honest assessment of your dd.

You could look at it as constructive and help your dd learn a valuable lesson.

The friend’s dd used her words repeatedly to communicate how she felt about your dd twirling and dancing in front of her. She asked your dd to stop.

Did your dd show any consideration for her friend? Did she actively listen to her and respond appropriately? No, she did not.

She trivialised her feelings by responding that she didn’t care and continued to twirl around right in front of her. Your dd was being antagonistic. So, her friend found using her words was unsuccessful and typically tried another method to solve her problem. And while violence is not ok, it did actually work. It stopped your dd from annoying her.

Your only job now is to use this as a teachable moment for your dd. Explain that while violence is not ok, antagonising someone is also not ok. It’s also not ok to completely dismiss how her actions affect someone else. She needs to work on being more aware and considerate of others.

Then leave it at that and let your dd and her friend sort out their issues. Don’t get involved and take sides. Kids are learning important social skills when they argue just as much as they do when they are getting along. Back off and leave them to it unless it is absolutely necessary to intervene.

The incomparablecRudolf Nureyev walking through a crowd, walking onstage during an awards ceremony...

Perhaps you need to show your DD some footage of these ballet greats. Perhaps she can't wall normally today, but practise practise practise, and she might manage it tomorrow.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=WB7-A6L4mwQ

@KrisAkabusi

So the OP's DD should just do as other people tell her no matter what? That's a great message to give to kids hmm your friend's DD sounds like a bullying brat, she misused karate and whilst I'm sure your DD annoyed her, at age 9 there are better ways she could've asked her to stop

She did ask her to stop, but she got even more annoying and goady. Her mother didn't stop her either. I can understand why a child might lash out in those circumstances.

In that case you deal with it, you don't shove somebody.

Why are we so afraid for children to learn life lessons like "Sometimes when you al someone to stop doing something annoying, they won't?". The "so and so thinks you're awful" is the hallmark of a bully, but hey like a PP just said apparently dancing is more offensive than violence on this thread

I'm wondering if poster K's saying it's ok the OP's DD got shoved would have said the same if her friend's child was a boy, not a girl? People would probably be in their droves telling OP to call 101 and report him

@PlanktonsComputerWife

No she didn't deserve to be shoved over but neither did the other child deserve to be called ugly. Your daughter was being annoying and deliberately antagonised her friend after being told it was annoying. You defend her by saying she was practising for a Christmas show! You don't practice in the street. Your DD was wrong. The other child was wrong. What is also wrong is over protective mothers fighting their daughters battles. It's a life skill to deal with fall outs, let them sort it themselves. Teach your daughter to read cues from others and that her desire to dance is not always appropriate and doesn't top trump other peoples needs. You shouldn't be allowing her to perform or show off in shops, it's not cute at 9, she's not going to get scouted there. Practising should be at home or in the studio. Teach her integrity and empathy, not that she can do what she wants because she wants.

The "so and so thinks you're awful" is the hallmark of a bully, but hey like a PP just said apparently dancing is more offensive than violence on this thread hmmconfused

This was after the other girl had deliberately antagonised her and told her she was too ugly to be a dancer, but you're not calling her a bully!

@23minutesfromTulseHill

Oh dear, I find myself torn. On the one hand, shoving is wrong; on the other, it would have been deeply satisfying to see Margot fricking Fonteyn faceplanting a puddle.

Snort!

Loving the footage of Nureyev and Margot

YourFinestPantaloons
I'm wondering if poster K's saying it's ok the OP's DD got shoved would have said the same if her friend's child was a boy, not a girl? People would probably be in their droves telling OP to call 101 and report him

They are hypocrites. Laughing at a girl being assaulted, grown women mocking her and laughing at her too.

MN attitude is why I don't really take the womens'rights talk seriously. Theyre worse than men at times, wanting girls and women to feel like shit.

I don't think either of them behaved so well really OP but they are children and still growing so will get over it. Your friend shouldn't be saying things in front of her daughter she should talk to you ifvthere are any issues. To be honest about the dancing at 9 years old it would be really tedious having someone constantly twirling around near you. My son does it at times and he is five and smaller. Im conscious that it winds me up so must bother others too. Im constantly at him to walk properly.
Maybe have a word with your daughter about times and places that its ok to dance she shouldn't be doing that at her age. Your friend needs to have word wuth her daughter about her behaviour too. Hope you manage to sort it out.

The whole situation was horrible. Your daughter and this girl clearly aren't friends so for a start you should stop making them spend time together, even if you are friends with the mum. You should maybe teach your daughter that dancing literally everywhere including dancing instead of walking is a little socially odd and might not be everyone's cup of tea - to be honest it does sound a bit annoying and attention seeking. There's a time and a place for everything.

On the other hand, of course the other girl shouldn't have thrown her into a puddle. But she probably felt like - she's winding me up with her hobby, I'll wind her up with mine. Also, your daughter got hurt for a second, whereas your daughters words - calling her ugly - could hurt her for years. Words are very strong. I still remember when another child called me ugly when I was as young as 9 or 10. People remember these things for years.

Both girls said awful, spiteful, cruel things. They need to not spend any more time together. If you want to be friends with the mum then do, but keep the girls out of it and don't meet up with them/spend time together with them.

Both you and your friend need to have stern words with your daughters and pubishments need to be implemented for them both.

And NO! Don't message the mum. That would be awful and you'd be dragging adults into a pathetic childish fight. Wouldn't be a good reason to fall out and wouldn't be a good example to either of your children.

Your friend shouldn't be saying things in front of her daughter she should talk to you ifvthere are any issues.

Come on!!