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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

748 replies

AmIInside · 05/11/2021 09:32

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 05/11/2021 16:13

@whynotwhatknot

so are people saying if i annoy someone enough they can knock me over? violence is never the right answer
If it's a nine year old girl you're annoying, I think you'd probably survive
honkytonkheroe · 05/11/2021 16:16

Your daughter sounds annoying. My son dances but doesn't do it constantly all the time. If he did, I would have probably told him not to so attention seeking and if he had a friend who did it, I would probably have said to him it was annoying. Definitely not ok to grab her and throw her to the ground but in my mind your daughter's words were worse.

KrisAkabusi · 05/11/2021 16:16

@RantyAunty

About 9 years old is when society pushes down on little girls to act "proper", "be quiet", "don't make waves" IOW dim their light.

Your DD clearly loves dance with all her being and there's nothing wrong with that.

The other girl was completely wrong to assault your DD like that.
She and her mother and are not friends.
I reckon you're not the only one she gossips about in a negative way and she's teaching her DD to be the same.

I wouldn't bother with either of them anymore.
I hope your DD dances to her heart's content.
Just ask her to be aware of her surroundings so she doesn't injure someone or break something so maybe not the shops.

"DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all."

You think this is acceptable behaviour?

honkytonkheroe · 05/11/2021 16:16

I would admit though that most 9 year olds are annoying.

LaetitiaASD · 05/11/2021 16:18

@Comedycook

Violence is never ok...of course your DD didn't deserve to be thrown on the ground.

Your DD is entitled to dance down the street if she wants but she shouldn't be getting in people's way. Yes, many people will find it annoying. Your DD is probably coming up to the age when she should realise there is a time and a place for everything.

Not read the whole thread but a good post.

Other than that I have to say I'm somewhat surprised by a lot of the posts... yes I can see why someone dancing constantly would be annoying, but either OPs DD was getting in the way (very annoying) or OPs DD was being somewhat annoying. And unfortunately somewhat annoying people (sniffing constantly, eating loudly, constantly making stupid comments, whatever it is)... are something that we have to learn to put up with.

LondonWolf · 05/11/2021 16:20

@LampLighter414

Everyone in the wrong.

Don't talk to them/walk with them further.

This was the best comment. The thread really should have ended there Grin
CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 05/11/2021 16:24

What happened on the way home @AmIInside? Did dd do her Bonnie Langford impression?

NewlyGranny · 05/11/2021 16:27

Don't be contacting her -;she was there, saw what happened and told her DD off. These girls need to be separated; they're not good for each other. The solution is to end the toxic friendship, not to fall out with another adult.

Franklin12 · 05/11/2021 17:15

Sorry but your daughter sounds very annoying and attention seeking.

As a PP said - you are all in the wrong.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/11/2021 18:44

"DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all."

Yeah, you should have put a stop to it right then and there before it escalated further. The fact she was happy to act like that around you means she's likely to be doing the same at school.

9 year olds can be horrible to each other and are bloody annoying at times as well. She'll grow out of it if you teach her there's a time and a place

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/11/2021 18:53

And it's more likely that your friend was just agreeing with her dd that yes it is annoying and that she should just walk rather than slagging your dd off to her dd

It's pretty standard to teach children to walk sensibly especially on the school run where it's usually busy with people and cars. Well it is at all the schools my dc have attended. She will be going to senior school in a couple of years and presumably walking by her self so needs to learn this and to be aware of her surroundings. The same in shops

Wrenna · 05/11/2021 18:58

She shouldn’t have thrown her on the floor. But constantly dancing IS annoying. I’ve seen girls do this and honestly it did feel very attention seeking.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 05/11/2021 19:57

Honestly I think the friend is right. Not for hurting her obviously, but her mother dealt with that. Although really it served her right for not doing as she was told. You told her to stop, she didn't and she got hurt. Do as you're told in future, lesson learned.

It IS annoying, attention seeking behaviour. I don't think the mum was slagging her off, just saying that her dancing around everywhere was annoying and she wishes she would just walk normally. That isn't an unfair comment and I can well imagine that her teachers find it annoying too.

In fairness it is the sort of behaviour that was cute when she was 5 but now is just irritating and you don't seem to do much to stop her getting in people's way. Practice at home. Not in the street where people are trying to walk.

slashlover · 05/11/2021 19:58

About 9 years old is when society pushes down on little girls to act "proper", "be quiet", "don't make waves"
IOW dim their light.

No, little boys should learn how to act properly too.

ChrissyPlummer · 05/11/2021 20:03

So what if she’s rehearsing for a Christmas show? I used to dance when at primary school and our rehearsals were held in the dance studio (church hall) or at the theatre where we were performing. I don’t recall my dance teacher telling us to practice while walking down the pavement Confused

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 20:57

@ChrissyPlummer

So what if she’s rehearsing for a Christmas show? I used to dance when at primary school and our rehearsals were held in the dance studio (church hall) or at the theatre where we were performing. I don’t recall my dance teacher telling us to practice while walking down the pavement Confused
Doesn't matter, she should not have been assaulted.
FreeChuro · 05/11/2021 21:14

You can't just assault someone because you find them annoying!

My DD (10) has a black belt in karate, and has never used it on anyone and if she ever did I would be absolutely mortified. Another girl in her class made a few mean comments about her and my DD could have easily knocked her down but she sorted it with her teacher and with me (took a little while) I very much doubt it crossed her mind to attack the other girl!

Comedycook · 05/11/2021 21:16

@slashlover

About 9 years old is when society pushes down on little girls to act "proper", "be quiet", "don't make waves" IOW dim their light.

No, little boys should learn how to act properly too.

Yes exactly. My ds would want to endlessly kick a football at that age...we would walk to the park with his football and I'd tell him not to kick it until we had reached the park. Not everything has to be a feminist issue
SweetMaryHell · 05/11/2021 21:23

@FreeChuro

You can't just assault someone because you find them annoying!

My DD (10) has a black belt in karate, and has never used it on anyone and if she ever did I would be absolutely mortified. Another girl in her class made a few mean comments about her and my DD could have easily knocked her down but she sorted it with her teacher and with me (took a little while) I very much doubt it crossed her mind to attack the other girl!

A ten year old black belt? 😂 junior “black belt” unless her club is a McDojo

(Or GKR)

SD1978 · 05/11/2021 21:29

@SweetMaryHell...... same requirements regarding black belt for adults and children actually........

This is the goal of just about every student studying the martial arts. ... The main distinction between Adult and Junior Black Belts is that Junior Black Belts are generally not allowed to be instructors until they are adults– even if they have a higher rank than the adult.

SweetMaryHell · 05/11/2021 21:33

No self respecting club would allow a 10 year old black belt
Being a black belt isn’t just about physical moves - it’s about attitude, knowledge and maturity too.

CounsellorTroi · 05/11/2021 21:42

Perhaps you need to teach her that however much she loves dancing there is a time and a place.

DogHair · 05/11/2021 21:44

@FreeChuro

You can't just assault someone because you find them annoying!

My DD (10) has a black belt in karate, and has never used it on anyone and if she ever did I would be absolutely mortified. Another girl in her class made a few mean comments about her and my DD could have easily knocked her down but she sorted it with her teacher and with me (took a little while) I very much doubt it crossed her mind to attack the other girl!

😂😂😂 10 year old black belt - bless
FreeChuro · 05/11/2021 21:53

Yes a junior black belt, she is under 16 so assumed that would be clear. She has been training since she was 3 (she also does dance but no where near as good at that Grin ) and shes a junior instructor too. Either way, she could have knocked the other girl over but she didn't.

FreeChuro · 05/11/2021 21:55

@SD1978 thank you! The qualifiers are the same but as she is under 16 shes classed as a junior black belt

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