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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

748 replies

AmIInside · 05/11/2021 09:32

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 05/11/2021 13:58

Can’t believe posters think swirling and dancing close to someone is anyway safe or appropriate on a pavement. It’s not squashing the girl’s creativity it’s learning there’s a time and place.
Girl is dancing around. Girl and mum think this is fine. I suspect from Karate mum’s home comments and teachers annoying comments about girl 99% of people would not see this as fine.
Karate girl says stop it.

Girl doesn’t stop and in fact escalates by getting even nearer to Karate girl.
Even her Mum then tells her to stop someone might get hit. Girl ignores mum. Her Mum does nothing.
Karate girl then throws her down - I suspect more of a push out of way rather that some ju jitsu style move but we don’t know.
Mum of girl could and should have stopped it before it escalated. Tracy stop prancing around you can do that in park/at home it’s not safe as they set off on walk home. Tracy carries on and karate girl says stop it - intervene and say Tracy I’ve told you stop it. Girl carries on and gets even closer and it’s unsafe to point where mum says stop it. Girl ignores mum. Mum should have done something stopped, told her off for not listening, moved her away. Then she ends up on floor.
Do something unsafe, don’t listen and someone is likely to get hurt.

curseofchristmas · 05/11/2021 13:59

Both in the wrong.
I'd find your daughter annoying too. Sorry.

Saoirse82 · 05/11/2021 14:04

Oh ffs, I've heard it all now. Mumsnet is getting ridiculous, most of you posters saying that DD is annoying and shouldn't have been dancing are full of absolute shit, she's 9 years old. If this was your child who your friend was slagging off to her bully of a child at home and then this happened not one of you bullshitters would think it was your child's fault, because it wouldn't be!
OP, I haven't read the full thread but only read the first page which really wound me up. Take what these people say with a pinch of salt, some people will always say you're being unreasonable no matter what you ask. Of course you're not being unreasonable, your 'friend' is a dick and she's raising one too. Be done with this friendship.

MilkywayMonarch22 · 05/11/2021 14:07

@DameAlyson Wouldn't care if it was a girl or boy, a peer dancing in front of you doesn't mean you can hit them! Does she do that at school if people are being annoying? Probably not
She's throwing her weight about and it needs nipping in the bud.
Unless someone has threatened/caused harm/assaulted her she should know not to throw them down. It's not reasonable.

Mind you they are kids and are both showing daft behaviour as kids are wont to do

AviciaJones · 05/11/2021 14:07

No one has the right to physically assault anyone else, no matter how annoying they might think they are. Your DD might also think the other girl is annoying.

You should have told the girl to keep her hands to herself and it’s obvious your friend has been saying nasty things about your DD behind your back.

End the friendship.

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 14:08

@DameAlyson

....to resort to violence straight away

She didn't! She 'resorted to violence' when Dancing Girl had ignored her requests to stop, had ignored her own mother's request to stop, and had persisted in the unwanted behaviour. What was she supposed to do?

If this had been Dancing Boy rather than Dancing Girl, everyone would be saying that he needs to learn that Stop means Stop.

The other girl didn't ask her to stop, she told her to stop and was then rude telling her she was annoying and that her mother thought so too.

What was she supposed to do? Mind her own business would be a good place to start, she doesn't control the pavement, the other girl dancing wasn't hurting her but she did hurt her by shoving her to the ground.

You are seriously comparing this to rape. God above.

TrashyPanda · 05/11/2021 14:09

@TravelLost

I'm with you *@AmIInside*

I hate this idea that because someone told yur dd that she was annoyijg/they like her dancing then she HAS TO stop doingw hat she enjoys.
thyat's where socialisation of grils starts. Teaching then that they hve to appease anyne and everyone and can't just be themselves.

There’s a time and a place for everything. Twirling around on a public pavement is inconsiderate towards others on the pavement and possibly dangerous.

Teaching courtesy is not appeasement. It’s a fundamental building block everyone needs. Maintaining you can do whatever you want, wherever you want is antisocial.

ancientgran · 05/11/2021 14:09

@curseofchristmas

Both in the wrong. I'd find your daughter annoying too. Sorry.
Would you physically assault her?
kateg27 · 05/11/2021 14:13

To be honest @AmIInside if somebody told my daughter to stop annoying them, I'd tell my daughter to stop too. Sound like you didn't say anything. Do you just let your daughter do what she wants when she wants, regardless of how other feel? It sure sounds like it. Your daughter does sound extremely annoying.
The other girl should not have done what she did but at least her mum told her off

Hoppinggreen · 05/11/2021 14:16

I’m sorry but your child does sound annoying and probably attention seeking. Calling the other girl ugly was awful too.
I’m not saying she deserved to be thrown but after warning her a few times I can see why the other child did it.
Talk to your child about respecting people’s space.

HauntedPencil · 05/11/2021 14:18

She's fine to say in the privacy of her own home that she finds it annoying - really I think a lot of people would find that annoying - and kids can be really annoying especially when they aren't your own.

No she shouldn't have been pushed over - but she's been told off and reprimanded so I don't think a further text would be needed

It could have been as simple as her DD saying yours dancing all the time is annoying and her just saying yes it is a bit

And calling her ugly is also pretty bad behaviour - pushed first or not

YoBeaches · 05/11/2021 14:20

Lots of kids (and adults) are annoying. Doesn't mean another kid (or adult) can push them over. That's assault.

Your dd can choose to walk however she likes.

Your 'friends' kid needs to learn how to deal with annoying things in life, without a physically abusive reaction.

I wouldn't be hanging out with them anymore.

PottererCrouch · 05/11/2021 14:21

just as you would comment if her kid was walking down the road kung phoo chopping everything.

This actually made me spit my tea out Grin

camouflagejacket · 05/11/2021 14:23

Clearly the girls are not friends. Time to stop forcing them to be playmates just because you and the Mum are friends. It happens, and it's inconvenient, but you're just making their lives miserable. See your friend on your own time, and let DD walk with her own friends back from school. Maybe even try to get to know their Mums?

23minutesfromTulseHill · 05/11/2021 14:31

Oh dear, I find myself torn. On the one hand, shoving is wrong; on the other, it would have been deeply satisfying to see Margot fricking Fonteyn faceplanting a puddle.

WinniesHunny · 05/11/2021 14:32

@Livpool

I did dancing between ages 7 and 14 - I don't ever recall dancing in the street, even if I had shows to practice. Your DD sounds quite immature and it is never nice to call someone ugly.

Her child should not have reacted the way she did but kids don't have the best impulse control and to be fair, her vocal attack was in retaliation to what your DD said

This might help your recall, @Livpool
TrufflesAndToast · 05/11/2021 14:35

@YoBeaches

Lots of kids (and adults) are annoying. Doesn't mean another kid (or adult) can push them over. That's assault.

Your dd can choose to walk however she likes.

Your 'friends' kid needs to learn how to deal with annoying things in life, without a physically abusive reaction.

I wouldn't be hanging out with them anymore.

Was it not physically abusive when the OP’s DD repeatedly encroached into the other girl’s personal space after being asked to stop? Why is the little dancer exempt from the need to respect other peoples’ bodies? She can indeed choose to walk however she likes - until it involves dancing all over people who have told her that they don’t like it and to leave them alone. Why are some posters so permissive of this girl’s inappropriate physical behaviour, yet pushing her over is akin to rape and murder if you listen to some posters. Very odd indeed.
hangrylady · 05/11/2021 14:38

@Saoirse82

Oh ffs, I've heard it all now. Mumsnet is getting ridiculous, most of you posters saying that DD is annoying and shouldn't have been dancing are full of absolute shit, she's 9 years old. If this was your child who your friend was slagging off to her bully of a child at home and then this happened not one of you bullshitters would think it was your child's fault, because it wouldn't be! OP, I haven't read the full thread but only read the first page which really wound me up. Take what these people say with a pinch of salt, some people will always say you're being unreasonable no matter what you ask. Of course you're not being unreasonable, your 'friend' is a dick and she's raising one too. Be done with this friendship.
Utter nonsense. If my child was twirling around and showing off 24/7 I'd find it annoying and certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to accept it. Parenting is not just about encouraging your children, but also teaching them social skills, which in this case is not to get in people's personal space and be obnoxious and to understand that they are not the centre of the universe. Oh and let's not forget that OPs daughter called the other girl ugly. Hardly the sweet little ballerina is she?
TirednWorried · 05/11/2021 14:38

I think they are as bad as each other and I wonder f you and her mum being friends is preventing the girls ending a friendship that has run its course?

londonrach · 05/11/2021 14:39

Your daughter is 9 not 3 and being annoying as shouldn't have been dancing around but no way should she been thrown down.. no way should you message your friend. Just cool relationship between the two girls.

Meatshake · 05/11/2021 14:44

I'd probably tell my daughter "play silly games win silly prizes". If you annoy your friends don't be surprised when they're annoyed at you. Friends daughter was out of order for dropping her to the floor, but equally your daughter was vicious in her retort.

No point carrying it on tbh, both kids were dicks.

SalmonEile · 05/11/2021 14:45

Exactly @ancientgran all this talk about stop means stop and boundaries and personal space is just conjecture
None of us know how close the OPs DD was to the other girl at any time or if she waved her hands in her face or anything like that. (Although I’d love to hear the other side of this tbh )
What we do is the girl “swirled” in front of the other girl to provoke her or make a point, (which obviously not ok ) but this was AFTER the first girl was rude and tried to get her mother involved

Livpool · 05/11/2021 14:46

Ha @WinniesHunny to be fair I probably wore similar clothing to Mick Jagger in the late 80s, early 90s bit I never did that 😂

Blinkingbatshit · 05/11/2021 14:47

Ok - I’m off topic mildly here - but I’m actually amazed that both girls were happy to trade such vicious words in front of their parents…both obviously lacking in respect for others and have both learnt this closer to home no doubt🤷🏼‍♀️

halloweenqwueeeen · 05/11/2021 14:49

Constantly dancing does sound annoying AF, I’m imagining a mini Louie Spence 😂

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