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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with street begging?

152 replies

2389Champ · 04/11/2021 14:16

Walking around our town yesterday, I was asked by three different people sitting on the pavement, for spare change. All without exception young and as far as I could see - although I could be wrong - pretty healthy looking and clean. Not the usual haggard, worn look of the homeless.

There were also quite a few shops/cafes with notices asking for staff. Maybe just seasonal, but still work.
I was very tempted to go back to these youngsters and point out nicely there were employment opportunities and had they seen them? Not from an outrage point of view but as a genuine suggestion. DH talked me out of it and said I was in danger of turning into a DM reader and that it would be construed as interference or being a busy body.

Generally, I buy a sandwich for the homeless rather than give money as it often gets spent on alcohol and I’d rather they at least had something to eat.

OP posts:
Fabpinky · 04/11/2021 14:17

Yes YABU.

Theunamedcat · 04/11/2021 14:20

Its nearly Christmas begging historically has been a way to make fast money in time to pay for Christmas I left some new age travellers (friends of mine) alone for a couple of hours while I went to an interview they made a few hundred pounds and paid for the shopping all they did was sit and ask people for money they had food bought she had clothing bought for her his dog had a meal people can be generous

Imtootired · 04/11/2021 14:20

I guess we never know peoples full stories. I have some people who are always asking for money at the shop near me and sometimes it’s a bit annoying but I’ve never walked a day in their shoes.

lastqueenofscotland · 04/11/2021 14:21

Yes massively UR.
How are you meant to get a job if you’re sleeping rough? You need an address and a bank account.
Entrenched rough sleeping is not as easy to solve as just give people jobs and a bed sit as a lot of morons think it is. There are often issues around trauma, substance abuse and general shit that goes with a chaotic lifestyle.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 04/11/2021 14:22

You usually need an address and a bank account to get paid; as well as ID.

A lot of the people I met while homeless had none of those. Some had one or two.

Even if that’s not the case, it’s unlikely to go down well you going to suggest that they apply for jobs when they’re presumably begging for cash that they need today… and I shouldn’t think it hasn’t occurred to them that a job would help their situation long term.

Clementineapples · 04/11/2021 14:22

I’ve been homeless.
How can you get a job with no fixed address? I don’t know if times have changed but when I was on the streets I couldn’t sign on, couldn’t apply for work or do anything as had no address.
I was also young, 16. Yes I spent any money on alcohol, it’s warming, filling and blocks out the shitness of it all.

brambleon · 04/11/2021 14:25

How are they meant to get a job if they most likely do not have a fixed address/bank account

1990s · 04/11/2021 14:27

HSBC do accounts for people without permanent addresses now:
www.about.hsbc.co.uk/news-and-media/hsbc-bank-accounts-for-people-without-a-fixed-address-now-available-in-over-100-branches

BarbaraLoganPrice · 04/11/2021 14:27

I think I'd be more likely to approach the places looking for work and letting them know there are homeless people staying nearby who might like to be offered a job.

CoalCraft · 04/11/2021 14:28

Do you really think there are people who are begging because it hasn't occurred to them to her a job?

There will be reasons, practical, physical and/or mental, that prevent them from doing so.

Original poster
2389Champ · 04/11/2021 14:28

All fair points - thank you.

I’m thankful I have never been in that situation and I wasn’t out to attack anyone. I just didn’t understand- or appreciate - how the system works. You’ve enlightened me hugely.

OP posts:
CoalCraft · 04/11/2021 14:28

*to GET a job

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 04/11/2021 14:32

So many people say that. I won't give money, I'll only give food otherwise they'll buy alcohol or drugs.

Well yes. They might. If I was homeless I'd probably want to numb myself to the misery too.

But also, you can't run a sandwich on your armpits to freshen them up. You can't clean your teeth with a sandwich. If you have a headache you can't take 2 sandwiches and give it half an hour. If you're a woman you can't use a sandwich as a tampon etc etc.

A homeless person doesn't need 20 or 30 sandwiches a day. They need a variety of supplies.

purpleboy · 04/11/2021 14:35

My brother was homeless for a long time, he has severe MH problem, alcohol and drug addictions, there is no way in hell he could work, no one would put up with him for a start, he has no fixed address, and no clean clothes or a way of showering regularly.
Buying food/hot drinks is always advisable over money, most people on the streets have some kind of addiction, it does well to treat them like humans though and one of the things my brother and his homeless friends said was the worst thing is feeling invisible to people, very few people engage with them and refuse to make eye contact.
It's a really sad hard life, we should all try to be kinder to those who find themselves in that situation.

Original poster
2389Champ · 04/11/2021 14:44

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

So many people say that. I won't give money, I'll only give food otherwise they'll buy alcohol or drugs.

Well yes. They might. If I was homeless I'd probably want to numb myself to the misery too.

But also, you can't run a sandwich on your armpits to freshen them up. You can't clean your teeth with a sandwich. If you have a headache you can't take 2 sandwiches and give it half an hour. If you're a woman you can't use a sandwich as a tampon etc etc.

A homeless person doesn't need 20 or 30 sandwiches a day. They need a variety of supplies.

Actually, that’s a very good point.

I’ll buy toiletries of some sort next time. Thank you - you’ve really opened my eyes.

OP posts:
SpangoDweller · 04/11/2021 14:47

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

So many people say that. I won't give money, I'll only give food otherwise they'll buy alcohol or drugs.

Well yes. They might. If I was homeless I'd probably want to numb myself to the misery too.

But also, you can't run a sandwich on your armpits to freshen them up. You can't clean your teeth with a sandwich. If you have a headache you can't take 2 sandwiches and give it half an hour. If you're a woman you can't use a sandwich as a tampon etc etc.

A homeless person doesn't need 20 or 30 sandwiches a day. They need a variety of supplies.

This
CorrBlimeyGG · 04/11/2021 14:48

How about asking the person what they need? Toiletries aren't much help if you don't have a bathroom and you have nowhere to keep them.

Peoniesandpeaches · 04/11/2021 14:49

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

So many people say that. I won't give money, I'll only give food otherwise they'll buy alcohol or drugs.

Well yes. They might. If I was homeless I'd probably want to numb myself to the misery too.

But also, you can't run a sandwich on your armpits to freshen them up. You can't clean your teeth with a sandwich. If you have a headache you can't take 2 sandwiches and give it half an hour. If you're a woman you can't use a sandwich as a tampon etc etc.

A homeless person doesn't need 20 or 30 sandwiches a day. They need a variety of supplies.

Very true and honestly if they are alcohol or benzodiazepine dependent getting no money could be fatal for them so I couldn’t get too het up about what they choose to spend any money I freely choose to give.
EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 04/11/2021 14:51

So do you need people to look haggard before you care? Or do you not care about them either? Why do you think haggard beggars can’t get a job though? Why does their appearance prevent them from getting a job?

minou123 · 04/11/2021 14:56

Generally, I buy a sandwich for the homeless rather than give money as it often gets spent on alcohol and I’d rather they at least had something to eat.

What?

There was a study done a few years ago and it found a lot of people only had to miss a few months pay and it would result in them being homeless.

If you were homeless, wouldn't you drink? Take drugs?

I know i would. There is no way I could live on the streets without the need for heavy duty alcohol or drugs.

If you don't want to give the homeless money, then don't. I won't tell you how to spend your money.
But until you spend 5 mins in their shoes, I suggest you don't judge the way they need to live their lives, just to get through the night.

User85858686 · 04/11/2021 14:57

@Clementineapples

I’ve been homeless. How can you get a job with no fixed address? I don’t know if times have changed but when I was on the streets I couldn’t sign on, couldn’t apply for work or do anything as had no address. I was also young, 16. Yes I spent any money on alcohol, it’s warming, filling and blocks out the shitness of it all.
This is so true. I always give homeless people cash. Who am I to decide what they spend it on? I find it so patronising giving them food or coffee. Just give them the money. If they want a sandwich they can buy one. If they want to spend it on substances so be it. They will anyway and so would I if I was on the streets
ChardonnaysPetDragon · 04/11/2021 14:59

It's hard, isn't it.

Most people don't carry cash these days, what with contactless payment for everything so I suppose they are given a lot less. That's why sometimes buying a sandwich or a drink is the only option.

Original poster
2389Champ · 04/11/2021 14:59

@EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad

So do you need people to look haggard before you care? Or do you not care about them either? Why do you think haggard beggars can’t get a job though? Why does their appearance prevent them from getting a job?
Because sadly that’s how most employers would judge people. It’s not right and it’s not kind, but it’s how it works.

Don’t be quite so quick to get outraged. We all judge people in their outside appearances. How do those begging not know that the person walking by isn’t down to their last penny, about to lose their home, their job, their life but they’re still asking on the assumption that passer by has money to spare.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 04/11/2021 15:04

“I’ll buy toiletries of some sort next time.”

Think you’ve rather missed the point there. A homeless person doesn’t need 20 sandwiches, and they don’t need 20 sticks of deodorant (of your choosing) either.

Ask them - or donate (money, preferably) to a charity in your town that’s supporting homeless people.

girlmom21 · 04/11/2021 15:05

How do those begging not know that the person walking by isn’t down to their last penny, about to lose their home, their job, their life but they’re still asking on the assumption that passer by has money to spare.

No homeless person assumed that... they ask so that if the person can help then they might, and if they don't that's fine too.

You're incredibly judgmental. I hope you never find yourself needing help.

I'd drink if I was on the streets.
Alcohol helps you feel warmer. It must be horrendous sleeping rough through the winter - and I'd be too scared to sleep without alcohol knocking me out.