AIBU with street begging?

[2389Champ]

Walking around our town yesterday, I was asked by three different people sitting on the pavement, for spare change. All without exception young and as far as I could see - although I could be wrong - pretty healthy looking and clean. Not the usual haggard, worn look of the homeless.

There were also quite a few shops/cafes with notices asking for staff. Maybe just seasonal, but still work.
I was very tempted to go back to these youngsters and point out nicely there were employment opportunities and had they seen them? Not from an outrage point of view but as a genuine suggestion. DH talked me out of it and said I was in danger of turning into a DM reader and that it would be construed as interference or being a busy body.

Generally, I buy a sandwich for the homeless rather than give money as it often gets spent on alcohol and I’d rather they at least had something to eat.

Begging and homelessness are not the same thing.
Through work I met a woman who runs an informal homeless charity. She said most of the homeless she saw are unseen, you won’t know about them, you might not even notice them. The reasons people were homeless were too numerous to list and often too complicated to solve.

She complained about the professional beggars in town centres taking all the money (they’ve now been banned). My local lidl has a few guys working on shift begging.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

I don’t think you’re BU. In order to not have a bank account nowadays you’d have to have never had one at all. It doesn’t get closed because you’re temporarily homeless. Do you need a fixed address to get a job? Yes theoretically, but I don’t see why as my employer have never posted me anything! Just use your last address.

In order to be homeless you have to have upset every single friend, relative and family member to the point where they would rather see you sleep rough than temporarily house you whilst your find a new job.

I struggle to empathise with that because I don’t think that it’s possible to find yourself in this situation where you have irretrievably alienated everyone who cares about you, without you being partly responsible. Even if the rest of the circumstances you’re in are purely bad luck, you’d have to be a complete dick/addict for no one to help you.

@SweetBabyCheeses99 gross!

2/3rds of homeless people have been in the care system. You are typically in the care system because you literally have no one. People go through all types of things that you can’t even imagine. By the grace of ‘god’ goes you.

Us ‘normal’ folk have far more in common with the homeless or rough sleepers than we do with the elite. We’re a few bad decisions/ wrong choices/ health diagnoses/ catastrophic events from that being us. Not everyone has someone they can turn to, people often find tough times very alienating, people who were friends disappear.

If you don't want to give money, don't. Simple. No need for your self righteous lecture.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

I don’t think you’re BU. In order to not have a bank account nowadays you’d have to have never had one at all. It doesn’t get closed because you’re temporarily homeless. Do you need a fixed address to get a job? Yes theoretically, but I don’t see why as my employer have never posted me anything! Just use your last address.

In order to be homeless you have to have upset every single friend, relative and family member to the point where they would rather see you sleep rough than temporarily house you whilst your find a new job.

I struggle to empathise with that because I don’t think that it’s possible to find yourself in this situation where you have irretrievably alienated everyone who cares about you, without you being partly responsible. Even if the rest of the circumstances you’re in are purely bad luck, you’d have to be a complete dick/addict for no one to help you.

Naive and delusional take. Some people have NO ONE. Especially those who have aged out of the system and have been thrown to the wolves.

In order to be homeless you have to have upset every single friend, relative and family member to the point where they would rather see you sleep rough than temporarily house you whilst your find a new job.

I had my mum and dad who said as I was 16 and an adult it’s time for me to go. They did the same to my siblings at 16. My bags were packed and off I went to find my way in the world. I had to leave college as I couldn’t get there, I went to connexions who after a few months sleeping rough found me a place at a hostel. Too old for care, too young for most hostels and seen as ‘not my problem’ for most people. I’m sure I wasn’t a perfect teenager but I don’t think I deserved to be homeless.

@Mymapuddlington

In order to be homeless you have to have upset every single friend, relative and family member to the point where they would rather see you sleep rough than temporarily house you whilst your find a new job.

I had my mum and dad who said as I was 16 and an adult it’s time for me to go. They did the same to my siblings at 16. My bags were packed and off I went to find my way in the world. I had to leave college as I couldn’t get there, I went to connexions who after a few months sleeping rough found me a place at a hostel. Too old for care, too young for most hostels and seen as ‘not my problem’ for most people. I’m sure I wasn’t a perfect teenager but I don’t think I deserved to be homeless.

This is really sad.

@Cosyblankets it’s just what it was for me and my siblings, get a job and pay rent from 12 years, out at 16. My son is 11 and I would never dream of doing the same to him but at the time it was just normal. When I had him my parents were very much ‘we raised our kids don’t expect us to help with yours’ just who they were I suppose.

In order to be homeless you have to have upset every single friend, relative and family member to the point where they would rather see you sleep rough than temporarily house you
You have to be joking.
What about the teenagers in care who end up on the street or those brought up by abusive parents? You're victim blaming and assuming everyone has someone, the sad reality is they don't and probably never had.
Can you not understand everyone homeless on the street isn't a bad person, circumstances can lead them there.

To get a job, you need an address & photo id.
To get an address, you need evidence of a job/income.
Vicious circle, how are people meant to break the cycle?

Jobs advertising dont pay enough for place to live except sometimes dangerous slum. People do the jobs but still homeless. You dont believe me, look it up cos been written about in the papers. They dont take everyone on anyway. Just cos low pay and advertising for people doesn't mean they take everyone who applies. They discriminate especially if homeless and also discriminate if employment gap or discriminate against disability or even discriminate saying overqualified.

Domestic violence when you beaten for contacting friends and then you too injured and disability to meet up so in end the friends give up on you. You can't contact cos dangerous but anyway they can't always put you up cos they have children and busy with their families or no space. Has been threads on here lots of times people asking if person should let friend or relative stay and people say no. If they temporary put you up, where do you go cept back to homeless.

Landlords don't take benefits except dangerous slum where dangerous violence and violent people. Some councils don't give shit even if domestic violence risk of murder and they break the law on priority need and get away with it cos support to fight them is postcode lottery. My area domestic violence support is some with closed waiting lists even if risk of murder. Other places, they tell you to just leave as if easy with no support and nowhere safe to go or they say go to police. Police can't give safe homes and is frightening to go to police especially if no support and is more frightening now cos all news about sexual assault police officers. Refuges is only temporary and is local connection rules with some refuges.

Big homelessness is why so many domestic violence murders.

Is sometimes maybe someone's fault but other times homelessness is cos in real life is that sometimes is cruel world where karma doesn't always happen and bad things happen to people and sometimes it never gets better however hard you try. Is not always true work hard and you ok and is not always happy ending. Is also some people who look down on unlucky people and kick them when they down cos makes them feel better about themselves though don't know why cos they should just enjoy their good luck.

Our local homeless lad sets up his blankets when the shop closes at 22.30 they store his blankets, he is about 23 strung out on crack and heroin

Why is an obvious drug addict left on the streets like this? He will likely OD sometime very soon and all you’ve done is enable it. This is someone’s child!

Yes I agree with pp asking the homeless what they want. I was approached in the city once and the person wanted lunch so we went in and I got them a full takeaway lunch (think smoothie, fruit carton, a hot rice dish, I can't remember it all but I think a few other things for later). The manager knew the person by name as well. That was the best giving to the homeless experience I had and I much preferred that way.

All the best

He maybe wants to OD.

I would. Is case that lotsa homeless on drugs only on drugs cos of being homeless. Cos too unbearable torture hell no safe home no basics nowhere to be safe away from world, away private safe sanctuary from public.

Your own safe sanctuary doesn't exist. Basic what is taken for granted by people like a bed and bathroom and toilet kitchen all private. Wash yourself private in your own safe private home. If you need piss or shit, is your own safe private toilet.

If homeless on streets or dangerous hostel with violent dangerous people, you don't want to be in this world.

Being conscious is too unbearable torture hell of the humiliating unsafe dangerous painful terrifying no privacy no safety no basic facilities nightmare hell.

You don't want to wake up in that torture hell life and if you have to wake up, you need to be as near oblivion as possible to block out hell torture reality as much as possible especially cos risk of being beaten up by drunk strangers or having tent set on fire or you pissed on or you raped.

Is also practical sometims depends what drug but like if heroin you won't need to shit as much and good idea if no access to own toilet. Public toilets lots closed especially at night. Maybe other drugs too and also if they make you less hungry is practical in the situation and also less feeling the cold and if someone attacks you, less feeling the humiliation violation fear and pain.

People is suffering torture and no surprise is take anything to take away bit of the pain and trauma and fear.

I'd choose being dead from domestic violence murder cos over quickly. Is better than being homeless.

When homeless, lose hope. You not human being to lots of people.

Donating to a homeless charity could be a way to help. The charity will understand the complex needs of the individual. A lot of chronic drug users have been abused in childhood. When you walk past a homeless person, see them as the effect from that abuse. They shouldn't make themselves addicts, but they believe it's their only option to cope. They need intervention by highly trained people such as psychiatrists, drug councillors, nurses and trauma psychotherapists.

Our town has an increasing amount of visible rough sleepers (not all of them are homeless) and after a young woman sadly died the main homeless charity has been imploring the local population not to give money or food to them, as this only drives them away from the charity's radar and makes new rough sleepers harder to identify. The charity also claims that many choose to sleep on the streets as this increases their likelihood to get money to feed their addictions. It's so incredibly sad.

I was homeless for about 6 months.
I got into huge debts at uni years ago and didn't know how to go about clearing them. My mum refused to have me back home and I broke all bridges with my housemates for failing to pay the rent again. I was 18 and stuck in an unfamiliar city.
I camped with the local big issue seller who really helped me. I started trying to take my clothes to the laundrette but it was winter and my clothes became mouldy in the tent, my finger nails became dirty no matter how much I tried.
Sometimes the locals would look at me with open disgust.
A local shop keeper used to let me charge my phone and sometimes let me have a shower but preyed upon my vulnerability by wanting sexual services. This was not uncommon with some of the people who 'helped' me.
It was winter and freezing in that tent. So utterly miserable I can see why people drink and take drugs.
I had no address so had no job.
I was then told that I could claim job seekers allowance and there were two exceptionally kind ladies working in the job centre who helped me claim, sorted my housing and secured me some clothing grants. I now have a good job and I'm very comfortable.
I'm extremely grateful to those who helped me all those years ago and gave me their kindness including people who gave me money and food.
I try to give generously to those on the street. It's not up to me to dictate what they do with the money. If I don't have money I just ask them if there's anything I can buy them. Yesterday I bought a lady shampoo, conditioner and a can of coke at her request. You never know the circumstances of people's lives.
I absolutely agree with a PP's post who had also been homeless in that you can't get a job without an address.

I have no words! You are clueless.

@Daisychainsandglitter

I was homeless for about 6 months. I got into huge debts at uni years ago and didn't know how to go about clearing them. My mum refused to have me back home and I broke all bridges with my housemates for failing to pay the rent again. I was 18 and stuck in an unfamiliar city. I camped with the local big issue seller who really helped me. I started trying to take my clothes to the laundrette but it was winter and my clothes became mouldy in the tent, my finger nails became dirty no matter how much I tried. Sometimes the locals would look at me with open disgust. A local shop keeper used to let me charge my phone and sometimes let me have a shower but preyed upon my vulnerability by wanting sexual services. This was not uncommon with some of the people who 'helped' me. It was winter and freezing in that tent. So utterly miserable I can see why people drink and take drugs. I had no address so had no job. I was then told that I could claim job seekers allowance and there were two exceptionally kind ladies working in the job centre who helped me claim, sorted my housing and secured me some clothing grants. I now have a good job and I'm very comfortable. I'm extremely grateful to those who helped me all those years ago and gave me their kindness including people who gave me money and food. I try to give generously to those on the street. It's not up to me to dictate what they do with the money. If I don't have money I just ask them if there's anything I can buy them. Yesterday I bought a lady shampoo, conditioner and a can of coke at her request. You never know the circumstances of people's lives. I absolutely agree with a PP's post who had also been homeless in that you can't get a job without an address.

This is lovely to read.

‘ In order to be homeless you have to have upset every single friend, relative and family member to the point where they would rather see you sleep rough than temporarily house you whilst your find a new job’

I know quite a few people who were thrown out by their parents as 16/17 years olds through no fault of their own. We’ll, unless you call being gay or born to drug addicts someone’s own fault. Oddly enough, many people from unstable backgrounds grounds don’t have a support network of relatives who have the money, time or space to take them in.

Because of begging gangs etc. I have no idea who is genuine so I give to no one.
Charities or nothing.

And here's me trying to give money away but getting rebuffed. I approached a man in the main street who I assumed to be homeless, offered him money, he said no thanks. So I tried again this time offering to buy him a coffee but he said he didn't drink coffee. One last try, is there anything can do for you today? No he says, I'm all good. So we wished each other a happy day and that was that! 😂

It got me thinking... we make a lot of assumptions about people we don't know eg that homeless people want our money, or are work shy or, indeed that they want a home. But of course all homeless people are as individual as people with homes, some want money, some want company, some feel more comfortable in the streets than in housing. And some are working. People living in cars and sheds etc.

Bottom line is, treat everyone with respect and assume the best. You don't have to give strangers money but please don't lecture them either.

@EatSleepRantRepeat

I used to work nights in the town I lived in, so it was easy to spot who were genuinely homeless vs bussed in by gangs in the morning. I'd see the ones who were getting dropped off, and which ones were sleeping in doorways in the cold and rain.

If you have suspicions, check out how much they are carrying with them. The genuine homeless on our town were quite weighed down with duvet/sleeping bag and bags of clothes, because they couldn't risk leaving them somewhere to be stolen.

In my town centre there are invariably several who I’m sure are bussed in by gang masters. They are apparently all of the same (probably Easter European)* ethnicity, none of them has any belongings with them, and they all have exactly the same placard, with exactly the same words in the same handwriting. And they all say exactly the same thing.

*Some time ago there was a TV documentary (presented by a Romanian) about Romanian gangmasters operating in the U.K. and elsewhere in Europe. He pointed out the flash villas in Bucharest, owned by some of these, who were doing very nicely out of it.

I stopped giving to anyone on the street some time ago, though, after a Brit ‘homeless’ person who was there in the same place for years, turned out to have his own flat (owned, not rented) and plenty of cash in the bank.

I do donate regularly to homeless charities though.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

Gosh your comments are breathtakingly ignorant and unkind. Have you met every homeless person and heard their story? So many have serious mental health problems or just absolutely awful upbringings. Children having to run away from abuse at 12, young adults abandoned by the "care" system. Most of us are only a few pay cheques from homelessness ourselves.

Most of the beggers are not homeless they are drug addicts who have burnt through their family and friends and now have to beg as a last option to score drugs.

The ones near me are very overweight and move from shop floor to shop floor. I see them about town going home and getting buses.

I used to be very generous until I saw the truth and learnt through a drug addict in the family what scams people play.