Chanel on play dates

[Christmasadverthell]

Went to one of my regular play dates with my Ds, 3 yesterday and noticed again the number of beautiful Chanel bags, designer sandals etc etc. Lovely, down to earth mums, nice friends, but I’m just not in the same league with my Zara bag & trainers
Aibu in feeling a bit shit about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

@HaveringWavering But I never said I was the only one in the group? There are a mix of people, but the majority seem to have more than me, in this particular set of mums.
I have friends outside of my *mum group from my old workplace, who are living an average, more normal life and friends with Dp locally to us who likely have less.

They haven’t *weirdly given up their previous jobs/careers. We’re in a place where lots of them couldn’t progress in their careers as they don’t speak the language and there aren’t as many opportunities here. Plus their husbands are generally earning more than enough for them not to work if they wish not to, some have retired early (late 30’s/early 40’s) it’s a totally different life than I was brought up with, but is a wide range of people from different backgrounds, but I’d say the majority are wealthier than me in the mums group.

@HaveringWavering Also, why can’t I hang around with a group of friends who are significantly wealthier than I am?! Instead that being snobby, do we all have to ‘Stick to our own?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
It’s a local mums group that was formed, mainly all ex pats, no one was asked their net worth before joining. It just happens I live in a very wealthy area (obviously with normal houses etc too) and many of the International parents here are v wealthy

@Rugsofhonour They’re married to retired businessmen, one to an inventor, one to a sportsman, they’re really not fake.

@lazylinguist They’re not all like that, I’m not a fan of the chain either

I have a number of lovely (mainly Mulberry) handbags but all were bought before having DC. I’m going to continue to use them because I don’t do much without the DC nowadays!

*Isn't that being snobby..damn phone

Don't feel rubbish. Things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes they are. So its best just to judge a person on how they treat you. I know someone from school who has designer stuff I feel I cant afford yet I am a high earner and know they arent. We obviously prioritise different things. I wear supermarket leggings, low end high street jeans etc. I spend on my suits and shoes for work but otherwise everything else would be cheap. I remember once in a professional capacity, back in the day when I spent the same on work wear as personal wear, talking to someone who complimented my shoes saying they had similar but theirs were only Primark they couldn't afford mine. She was surprised when I told her mine WERE Primark. She had assumed because of the context that I must be wearing expensive ones. Nope.

Just be confident. Know your worth as a person isn't about material things

They are very likely knock offs

A decent Chanel bag is thousands. Especially a tote or day bag.

More and more knock offs are really good now and hard to tell the difference unless you manage to get a look at the inside of the bag.

Knock offs are not so easy to spot now, super fakes can cost well on excess of 1k and are very hard to tell unless you can closely inspect them.

I have a few Chanel, Dior and Ysl - I have only bought one Dior bag brand new for my last birthday, all my others I buy Pre-loved. I have each and every bag I buy usually from resellers independently authenticated ... twice by two separate authenticators.

Op you can buy lovely pre loved Designer bags - they last a very long time if well taken care of. Have a look on Facebook as there are a lot of enthusiasts who belong to Chanel, Dior Hermes specific groups and they really know their stuff as well as selling authentic stuff.

Chanel and Hermes are very expensive, I've got 5 Chanel bags that I've purchased over the last 15 years but given that they are aiming for the same exclusivity as Hermes but without the same ( handstiched ) quality I won't be buying anymore.

Ultimately buy what you like, it doesn't have to be super expensive - I love pre-loved and new Aspinal - amazing quality and really beautiful designs. Also look at Polene, they are new to the luxury handbag market and very reasonable considering the beautiful quality.

But I never said I was the only one in the group

Er, yes, that’s exactly what you said:

They all just are a lot wealthier than I am

Also, why can’t I hang around with a group of friends who are significantly wealthier than I am?! Instead that being snobby, do we all have to ‘Stick to our own?’

Maybe because being with them makes you unhappy with bag and shoe envy?

@HaveringWavering Yes, the ones with the bags are all a lot wealthier than me! Not everyone in the group or my other friends

@HaveringWavering It doesn’t really make me unhappy as such. I’ve been friends with them for a few years and obviously knew they were wealthier but didn’t pay much attention to it or think about it.

Are you wanting an argument or something? I don’t quite understand the rudeness

@StoneColdBitch

Round here, if you see a Chanel bag, it's either a footballer's wife, someone who can't actually afford it who bought it with a credit card, or a fake. I wouldn't be impressed if I saw one - quite the opposite.

Agree. It's all very LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE type thing. Only works though on people who are impressed by that sort of thing, as another poster said I wouldn't know a Chanel bag if it smacked me in the face, so in the words of the wise Shania, that don't impress me much.

I do think though that the "must be fake" argument is stupid - yes there will be fakes, but there are women out there who like to spend money on expensive handbags.

Hi OP, I have been where you are and I’m back in the UK in the real world now! I used to have a no brand bag amongst the Chanel, Gucci, fendi, Hermes mums! Some parents at the pre school gave Cartier bracelets to the teachers as gifts. One mum told me how she’d just been to her villa in Ibiza for the weekend and we were 12 hours flight away, and she had left her three month old baby at home with the nannies hahaha! If you haven’t seen the mega wealth, you really won’t get it. Some mum’s maids had better bags than me (gifted hand me downs). But I never let it bother me and I was just happy to be there and enjoy the experience. As long as your kid is happy and socialising it’s all good. The normal world is still here waiting and it’s boring! Enjoy it while you can!

Round here, if you see a Chanel bag, it's either a footballer's wife, someone who can't actually afford it who bought it with a credit card, or a fake. I wouldn't be impressed if I saw one - quite the opposite

This just sounds so nasty. Are women married to footballers second class citizens?
This has touched a nerve with me as I have a close family member who is married to a footballer and she's the sweetest, she would never judge anyone based on material things. Unlike some on this thread. And yes, she has multiple Chanel bags, enjoys every single one and why shouldn't she!?

Hang around poorer people so you feel comfortable. I have a crap 4 year old car, my old friends have cars worth over £100k, I just don't hang out anymore especially if I know the spending is not on my level. I don't want to be the poor mate and they too have to be uncomfortable.

Birds of a feather flock together.

@traintraveller

It's always the same on these threads OP says her friends are lovely but she wishes she could have what they have. Nothing wrong with that OP, we've all been there. Then all these posters jump in to say they're fake/ naff/ materialistic/ in debt while going on about judging others.

Also the people insisting that they have NO IDEA what a Chanel bag looks like, as if they have never seen the logo in their life.

YABU to feel shit about it, but I get it. I also live abroad somewhere very wealthy and sometimes it can be jaw dropping how much money people have. One of my friends is married to an actual billionaire. She's lovely and she wears a LOT of Gucci. Doesn't make her a shallow materialistic monster. It makes her someone who likes Gucci.

I'm not a bag girl, but I do wear my Jimmy Choos to the playground a lot

@justswaying

Round here, if you see a Chanel bag, it's either a footballer's wife, someone who can't actually afford it who bought it with a credit card, or a fake. I wouldn't be impressed if I saw one - quite the opposite

This just sounds so nasty. Are women married to footballers second class citizens?
This has touched a nerve with me as I have a close family member who is married to a footballer and she's the sweetest, she would never judge anyone based on material things. Unlike some on this thread. And yes, she has multiple Chanel bags, enjoys every single one and why shouldn't she!?

Sorry I caused offence. I live about a mile from the local "millionaires' row" where we do have a lot of footballers and their families. Many of them do engage in a level of conspicuous consumption which feels a bit vulgar and naff, and to which I would not want to aspire. But your relative sounds lovely and I'm glad she's happy with her bags. It's just not an aesthetic I would choose to emulate myself.

Absolutely! They literally just increased their prices by £1k on classic flaps this week. Insane.

Classic flaps?

Yanbu about Zara, though. Maybe find somewhere with better quality for the same price? The one in my local high street is just like a jumble sale - it's a mess of cheap clothes with inflated price tags. Maybe shop around a bit, or try independent shops? I don't know what's available where you are.
You could also try designer pre loved if that's what you're after.

Wouldn't notice what bags my friends or companion have. I've got money but don't own a designer bag and don't want to, so no chance of bag envy.

Erm…relax! And don’t be hung up on stuff!

Without trying to sound too funny about it…we tend to have the reverse issue in that my wife and I are in quite high paying jobs whereas our DS’s friends’ parents tend not to.

We really couldn’t care less - the key thing is that the kids are nice, decent, respectful, and caring towards each other. I have no preference for play date attire from Poundland or Prada - and nor should anyone else worth having in your life.

I think in the U.K, the places where you see the obvious Chanel bags and all that type of bling is certain parts of Cheshire and maybe Essex. In the very wealthy parts of London, people don’t tend to bother. They certainly do spend money on clothes etc, but it’s far more understated and nobody wants a bag that is essentially a logo. It’s considered naff. I have also been an expat wife abroad though OP and I do know it’s very different in some places. People are just the same and all lovely for the most part, but it’s just a different fashion sense, basically. I have expat friends now in London who are from Dubai, Singapore etc and they have commented on how refreshing it is to not have to be head to toe in logos . Frankly, if someone turned up at the school with an ‘in-your-face’ bag, it would appear a bit ‘try-hard.’ People just can’t be bothered with all this, by and large, and nearly all are SAHMs with multi-million £ houses. I do know of one school in Kensington where it’s all a bit bling and parents compete to give teachers ridiculous, designer gifts and luxury holidays abroad. But this school is well-known and definitely the exception, rather than the rule. I go for coffee mornings and people will have staff, but no obvious Chanel or any of that. I have noticed a fair bit of Boodles though (but then I have an eye for that)! Give me jewellery over bags any day of the week!