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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend I haven't seen in 15 years wants to borrow money

219 replies

ONte · 04/11/2021 12:55

Old childhood friend that I haven't seen for about 15 years. We were close at one point but she spread around some sensitive personal information about me as teens that caused me alot of upset and embarrassment. I forgave but never forgot iykwim.

Anyway we have one another on Facebook now and are both mothers, exchanging congratulations when our babies are born and occasionally having a little catch up.

Today she messaged me out of the blue asking if I can lend her £20 for gas as her children's father hasn't paid her and it's left her in a difficult position.

I know it's not much but we don't have alot of money, we live in an expensive (overpriced!) area and have been surviving on one wage since I had to stop working during my pregnancy due to health problems. Said pregnancy is now a 3 week old newborn.

I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it as I've no way of guaranteeing she'll pay me back and £20 is two tubs of formula to me, I live 250 miles away now and she used to have form for borrowing things and not returning them (not money, clothes etc)

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask.

WWYD?

OP posts:
RockinHorseShit · 04/11/2021 15:35

This has scam written all over it. If you have another way to contact her, use it. Or write on her wall Have yiu been hacked, I've had an odd sounding message from you"

I actually had this last night from an old friend in the US, he doesn't message me normally bar a catch up chat when he first added me on FB & out of the blue I get a message asking how I am, followed by a request for a £50 loan... I know he's wealthy & his account is a pseudonym to hide that he was a bit famous in his time. He definitely doesn't need to borrow £50 from someone across the pond.

Turns out he was hacked

itsallgoingpearshaped · 04/11/2021 16:04

"Sorry, no can do. We're on an incredibly tight budget of our own and have nothing spare."

DeliriaSkibbly · 04/11/2021 16:08

She told you who she was when you were teenagers. Why would you lend money to someone who did that to you ?

OakPine · 04/11/2021 16:13

Obviously a no! Probably block her as well.
She isn't a friend.

What is depressing about this thread is the number of people who think that a good response is "Sorry!" and then some excuse about not having money.

Magicpaintbrush · 04/11/2021 16:27

Tell her you are in your overdraft and not in a position to lend anything to anyone.

earsup · 04/11/2021 16:28

NO.....I once lent an ex colleague 100 quid as she was moaning about needing extra cash for food etc...a few days later she told me her teenage son MUST have a Gucci belt for his birthday.....!!...she bought the belt and i never saw my cash back....blocked and ignored her since...luckily i never see her out and about...awful grabby woman...i could afford to lose the money but its not the point...!!

FindingMeno · 04/11/2021 16:29

No, at the very least because you can't afford to.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 04/11/2021 16:30

No

I am telling you now, if you agree she will ask for a bigger sum next time

RantyAunty · 04/11/2021 16:31

No and block
Not a friend just a user.

DarkDarkNight · 04/11/2021 16:33

Just wondering is it genuine or has she been hacked?

A few people got messages on Facebook Messenger meant to be from my cousin yesterday. Asking for money by bank transfer. They were quite personal messages, answering back and using names.

If it is genuine I wouldn’t feel obligated to give money I couldn’t afford to lose.

Heartsandroses · 04/11/2021 16:38

Please don’t
I lent a friend £140 in £20 instalments because she needed money to feed her two kids
What I didn’t know was they had enough money to live on but dad was spending it all on weed and booze
I asked for it back-she agreed and arranged to come round with it
then it all went dead at her end
Turned out they’d gone on holiday with my money as spending money and she’d got pregnant that week
She’s had the baby and is ignoring me while telling everyone I’m putting pressure on her to pay back money she doesn’t owe!

Another mate (years ago) begged for £25 to feed her kids
I was skint myself but got it together and lent her it
She went from my house to the shop,spent the whole lot on lager and got pissed on me

I don’t speak to either anymore-money can and will destroy friendships

midsomermurderess · 04/11/2021 16:41

Someone you haven't seen or had any, or little contact with, in 15 years isn't a 'friend'.

ShinyHappyPoster · 04/11/2021 16:45

@UnsuitableHat

In situations like this I always ask myself 'What would the cast of Grange Hill say?'
Zammo might have said 'no' but Tucker would have hand delivered the £20 and a bag of shopping I always had a soft spot for him Grin

If I could afford it, I'd give someone £20 and as a PP said, I'd say it was a gift. If I couldn't afford it, I'd maybe point them to a local service that could help.

Offmyfence · 04/11/2021 16:56

Personally I would just ignore it! Wouldn't need to answer her or justify it!

Kiduknot · 04/11/2021 16:59

No, not even if you could easily afford it. You know fine well if you do it once you’ll be asked again and again and will still ultimately have the embarrassment of saying no. Best nip it in the bud now.

Kiduknot · 04/11/2021 17:00

“Sorry I never borrow or lend money” should do the trick.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 04/11/2021 17:02

I wouldn’t do it.

Halloweencat · 04/11/2021 17:04

It's a no brainer surely, based on how she's treated you in the past? Not your problem, you have your own baby to feed & keep warm

Firingpingpongs · 04/11/2021 17:08

No, no, no!!!

This rings alarm bells for me as I was asked similar from one of the Mums at my sons nursery. She wasn’t really a friend and I thought it was odd to ask someone she didn’t know that well but thinking she was desperate I gave her the money she asked for - similarly to pay for electricity. She never paid me back full amount and asked another mum for money too. Turns out it was for drugs

myusernamewastakenbyme · 04/11/2021 17:09

No way would i lend money...I've seen way too many people fall out over it..I would also never borrow money...no matter how desperate i was.

starsparkle08 · 04/11/2021 17:18

No

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 04/11/2021 17:19

Could it be a spam thing, her messenger got hacked? I went for a drink with a friend's wife once then a few days later got a message asking for £20, I was really confused as we're not close and there are tons of other people she could ask before getting to me so I double checked in a message through WhatsApp and she had no idea that had been sent, her Facebook had been breached.

me4real · 04/11/2021 17:22

Just say you can't afford it as all your money goes on necessities.

GreenLunchBox · 04/11/2021 17:24

@rubyslippers

No way Cheeky moo You don’t have to justify by the way - just say no and don’t caveat with a sorry
This
Ellie56 · 04/11/2021 17:26

Er no. You can't afford it and you won't get it back. And if you do it once she'll be back for more.

Just say sorry you can't help as you're struggling too.

Job done.