Friend I haven't seen in 15 years wants to borrow money

[ONte]

Old childhood friend that I haven't seen for about 15 years. We were close at one point but she spread around some sensitive personal information about me as teens that caused me alot of upset and embarrassment. I forgave but never forgot iykwim.

Anyway we have one another on Facebook now and are both mothers, exchanging congratulations when our babies are born and occasionally having a little catch up.

Today she messaged me out of the blue asking if I can lend her £20 for gas as her children's father hasn't paid her and it's left her in a difficult position.

I know it's not much but we don't have alot of money, we live in an expensive (overpriced!) area and have been surviving on one wage since I had to stop working during my pregnancy due to health problems. Said pregnancy is now a 3 week old newborn.

I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it as I've no way of guaranteeing she'll pay me back and £20 is two tubs of formula to me, I live 250 miles away now and she used to have form for borrowing things and not returning them (not money, clothes etc)

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask.

WWYD?

No, you can’t afford it and don’t know her anymore.
It’s possible she’s already used up the good will of her family and friends from other loans etc which is why she’s casting her net wider to people she doesn’t speak to.

“Sorry CF friend, I don’t have any money to spare right now”

@Namechangeisgood

That's a strange request, and you can (and should) say no. "I'm sorry to hear things are tough and I wish I could help, but we're also on a really tight budget and I can't spare anything"

I definitely wouldn't be lending money to someone I hadn't seen and had barely spoken to for 15 years!

Totally this.

From experience, twenty quid for 'gas', 'nappies' or 'baby milk' never, ever is.

There are things that the twenty quid is used for, but not anything you would be willing to subsidise (and I've offered to take over nappies/milk/toilet roll/food/to top up a meter myself using my card before - the response has always made it very clear that if I'm not going to give them cash, I can fuck right off).

I'd ignore and possibly block her.

No that isn’t possible. Hope you manage to sort it out. You don’t have to lend her money.

You don't need any of the detail you've included other than "someone I haven't seen for 15 years has asked to borrow money" and YWNBU to say no to that!!

Presumably if you are at the point you're asking people you haven't spoken to for 15 years you've alienated your actual friends or family, probably because of borrowing but not repaying.

If you are wiling to GIVE her £20 then go ahead, but otherwise no way!

Don't even think about it. Your just the next sucker on her list of suckers that she's already burned through.

I wouldn’t bother with the “I can’t afford it”, I’d say, “no - I never lend money”.

If she's asking someone she hasn't seen in 15 years, she's probably exhausted her closer friends/relatives, not a great sign for being paid back. Tell her you can't afford it.

Don’t loan her money. Either say no outright or leave her on read, you don’t owe her anything. She’s asked you because she’s treated everyone else like shit so can’t ask them as she’s burnt bridges with them. That’s why she’s asking you. That’s my guess anyway.

Thanks all. I won't be sending her anything. It's true I have no way of knowing exactly what the money is for.

Saying it's for gas did pull on my heart strings a bit as I would hate to imagine her children being in a cold house, but if that was the case and it was genuine I'm sure somebody in her family would step in. She has her mum, three brothers, a sister etc.

No, sorry. You'd be mad if you did. She'll be after more and we're on the run up to Christmas that would be the next thing.

'Um, yeah, nah'.

It's entirely possible her account has been hacked and this is a scam!

Either way, the answer is No.

I’d say no.

Actually it might be a scam as others have said. Don’t respond.

"I'm sorry your children's father has let you down. I'm not in a position to lend money to anyone right now."

YANBU and I highly doubt you are the only one she is asking. Don't give it any further thought.

I give food instead of money.

My guess is it’s either a scam or she’s worked through her friends list already asking similar favours

No chance!

Think how many people she asked before asking you, someone she betrayed fifteen years ago. Think why they all refused. Then say no or perhaps just don't reply at all.

I don’t even know why you’d consider it. Absolutely not.

It could be a scam, can you message her and ask if it's a genuine request and if it is she needs to contact her gas supplier for emergency advice,

No way, don't say sorry, don't say you're skint. Just 'no, I can't help you', otherwise she's more likely to ask again. Sounds like it could well be a scam though.

It won’t be a loan.

If I could afford it, I would give £20 to someone I knew, asking in these circumstances. As a one off. The history between you is not relevant here since you are in speaking terms. I would give a friend or acquaintance the benefit of the doubt on one occasion only. I’d not do it more than once though. And I would make it a gift and be done with it.

However, I would not give it if it left my own family short. It sounds as though it will leave you short yourself, so I would not give it in your circumstances.