Friend I haven't seen in 15 years wants to borrow money

[ONte]

Old childhood friend that I haven't seen for about 15 years. We were close at one point but she spread around some sensitive personal information about me as teens that caused me alot of upset and embarrassment. I forgave but never forgot iykwim.

Anyway we have one another on Facebook now and are both mothers, exchanging congratulations when our babies are born and occasionally having a little catch up.

Today she messaged me out of the blue asking if I can lend her £20 for gas as her children's father hasn't paid her and it's left her in a difficult position.

I know it's not much but we don't have alot of money, we live in an expensive (overpriced!) area and have been surviving on one wage since I had to stop working during my pregnancy due to health problems. Said pregnancy is now a 3 week old newborn.

I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it as I've no way of guaranteeing she'll pay me back and £20 is two tubs of formula to me, I live 250 miles away now and she used to have form for borrowing things and not returning them (not money, clothes etc)

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask.

WWYD?

Sure she hasn't been hacked or clicked on wrong person?
I'd treat it as spam/ potential phishing and just ignore

Definitely a no. She wasn't a great friend to you, even years ago, if she shared your secrets and didn't return borrowed items. Not someone I'd be too eager to reconnect with, tbh, and certainly not a person I'd lend money.

Agree with a PP who suggesting replying that you aren’t in a position to lend anyone money at the moment. No further explanation needed

No
No
No
No
No
No

LOL no as if!

Tell her you can't afford it. She won't stop asking if you lend her money now.

Whenever anyone asks/asked me, I tell them that my DH is in charge of the money, I always get this look > (especially from from women,) like 'wtf are you letting HIM control the finances for?' DH says the same 'sorry mate but the missus is in charge of the money, so no can do.' He gets 'ooh under the thumb much mate?'

It's amazing how annoyed people get when you say no, and that your spouse is in charge of the money.

this sounds a scam to me?
There has been many storys about facebooks being hacked and people asking for mall amount of money - especially if you havent spoken to her in 15 years i very much doubt you would even be int he top 30 people to ask even if she was desperate.

I'm going to leave the message unopened. Upon reflection I don't believe it's for gas. We are in the UK, for the pp that queried it, so what she means by gas is heating.

I remember a few months ago I saw a post being shared around my home town local groups warning people not to give a certain bloke money as he was inboxing dozens of acquaintances asking to borrow money for baby milk, nappies etc.

It turns out the bloke only had the baby once a week, for the day, and the mother was sending baby with everything they needed. He was actually cadging money for weed. The mother put out her own post telling people he's full of crap and what he was up to.

People will say anything to get what they want it seems.

If I could afford to, I’d gift rather than lend it. I’d make it clear it was a one-off in the most sensitive language I could muster. If I lent it I would resent not getting it back, ir the assumption that she could ask again.

in those circumstances, i wouldn't even reply.

you can't afford to help her, even if she wasn't a cheeky fucker.

I think I'd reply with what a previous poster said: 'sorry, but I'm not in a position to lend anyone any money at the moment'.

At least if she's 250 miles away you don't have to worry about her turning up on your doorstep or bumping into her.

I think it's really cheeky of her to ask.

95% of the time, the 'money for gas, nappies, baby milk etc' is code for 'I spent the money I should have used to for gas, nappies or baby milk on personal indulgences but if I ask outright for money for takeaways, nails, cigarettes, booze etc you'll quite rightly laugh in my face so I'll guilt you into thinking I'm sitting in a cold dark house unable to feed by DC'.

@Waahingwashingwashing

Not a chance. Or if you do, do so on the understanding that you’ll never see it again. And she will ask again.

This. She will come back a plague you for more

If OP hasn't seen the person in 15 years then chances are that the message has been spammed out to a couple of dozen people, easy to ignore it IMO.

I would post on her Facebook timeline 'hi 'friend' I assume your messenger has been hacked, I just got a message asking for money,ha doesn't the scammer know that we haven't seen each other for 15 years? Like you would ask me!' That way everyone knows but you play dumb thinking it was a scam

If it isn't affordable don't do it.

I'm a bit of a sucker in these situations I'd hate the DC to be cold and would think she is in desperate need if she asked an old fb friend.

In your situation when money is tight you just can't help out.

@BarbaraofSeville

95% of the time, the 'money for gas, nappies, baby milk etc' is code for 'I spent the money I should have used to for gas, nappies or baby milk on personal indulgences but if I ask outright for money for takeaways, nails, cigarettes, booze etc you'll quite rightly laugh in my face so I'll guilt you into thinking I'm sitting in a cold dark house unable to feed by DC'.

This 100%. ^

you'll quite rightly laugh in my face so I'll guilt you into thinking I'm sitting in a cold dark house unable to feed by DC'.
Some families do sit in a cold dark house before pay day.
I'd a friend who went to bed at 8pm with her DC so she didn't use electricity or she'd have one day a week without it based on her budget.

I would just say No .It is very cheeky of her .You havent seen her for 15 years! She is a very big CF.

You could contact her to let her know that her e-mail has been hacked and that it is sending out requests for money.

No - her actions show that she is not your friend. She is just someone you know a little. (You don't even know if she is actually short of money really.)

If you would give the £20 to a stranger who emailed you - then go ahead. Be sure though - this would be a generous gift and not a loan.

@EmeraldShamrock

you'll quite rightly laugh in my face so I'll guilt you into thinking I'm sitting in a cold dark house unable to feed by DC'. Some families do sit in a cold dark house before pay day. I'd a friend who went to bed at 8pm with her DC so she didn't use electricity or she'd have one day a week without it based on her budget.

Yeah, some families are pretty near destitute, but it is rarely the ones who go cap in hand ask 'friends' to dish out money to them.

It’s likely a scam and she’s been hacked. I had a similar message from one of my Facebook contacts and it was a hacker.

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask

Presumably she's tapped them out and owes so much money, she can't ask again without being asked awkward questions about repaying it.

Just say no, you won't know for sure, but this could become a habit in time. She is not a close friend by the sounds of things, and does not live close.

Why are you even thinking about this?

Absolutely ignore. It may well be a scammer who’s cloned her account. I had a similar message from a very good local friend, I knew she was struggling a bit with money but she would never have asked. The message came as I was driving so I didn’t reply and then forgot until I saw her at school. When I said that I hadn’t replied due to driving but did she want me to get her anything, she had no idea what I was on about. If you aren’t close I would be even more suspicious. Ignore.