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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend I haven't seen in 15 years wants to borrow money

219 replies

ONte · 04/11/2021 12:55

Old childhood friend that I haven't seen for about 15 years. We were close at one point but she spread around some sensitive personal information about me as teens that caused me alot of upset and embarrassment. I forgave but never forgot iykwim.

Anyway we have one another on Facebook now and are both mothers, exchanging congratulations when our babies are born and occasionally having a little catch up.

Today she messaged me out of the blue asking if I can lend her £20 for gas as her children's father hasn't paid her and it's left her in a difficult position.

I know it's not much but we don't have alot of money, we live in an expensive (overpriced!) area and have been surviving on one wage since I had to stop working during my pregnancy due to health problems. Said pregnancy is now a 3 week old newborn.

I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it as I've no way of guaranteeing she'll pay me back and £20 is two tubs of formula to me, I live 250 miles away now and she used to have form for borrowing things and not returning them (not money, clothes etc)

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Muttly · 04/11/2021 13:12

She is a stranger to you.

If someone was panhandling and asked you for $20 would you give it to them? If you feel, yes, maybe once in a while, then consider if this is one of those times? if not just decline the request or don’t respond whichever you feel more comfortable with.

bleachedgusset · 04/11/2021 13:14

If you lend her £20 and never see or hear from her again, it'll probably be the best £20 you've ever spent.

RVN123 · 04/11/2021 13:14

Usually requests like this are just testing the water to see if you are going to be someone they can use for money. Next time it will be £50, then £100. You will never see the money again.
By all means give it to her if you want but be prepared that it's not a loan and that you will never see this money back again.
Add in the fact that you haven't seen each other for 15 years and it is a very cheeky request.
Be very wary.

pumpkinpie2021 · 04/11/2021 13:15

If she's asking someone she barely talks to and doesn't see. I'd imagine she can't lend off anyone else as she's palmed them all off, I wouldn't your not even in the position to lend money.

Cr0ssingPathways5 · 04/11/2021 13:15

Beware someone could have copied your friends profile on FB & it could be a Catfish scam

TurboTheChicken · 04/11/2021 13:15

Are you sure it's not a scam? I had a similar message from a good friend via Facebook, I phoned her immediately and her Facebook account had been hacked, the same message had been sent to all of the people she interacted with on Facebook.

LettertoHermoine · 04/11/2021 13:16

Nope. Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

Cheeky as fuck. I agree with @RVN123 above, she is testing the water..

luckylavender · 04/11/2021 13:18

Not a chance

Onefelloutofthecuckoonest · 04/11/2021 13:19

@TurboTheChicken

Are you sure it's not a scam? I had a similar message from a good friend via Facebook, I phoned her immediately and her Facebook account had been hacked, the same message had been sent to all of the people she interacted with on Facebook.
Came on to say the same thing.
TheBookAccordingtoIsaac · 04/11/2021 13:22

Sounds like she might have had her account hacked.

Riverlee · 04/11/2021 13:24

No, no and no.

Firstly, you don’t have the money.

Secondly, she’s not a friend.

Thirdly, her situation is not your responsibility.

Don’t feel guilt trip into giving her this money.

Merula · 04/11/2021 13:26

I had similar a couple of years ago - an old school friend who I hadn't seen for nearly 30 years asking for money to pay the electricity meter. I first asked her to answer some questions to prove it wasn't a scam, which did prove to me that it was genuinely her. I know she'd had a tough life, and I could afford it, so I gave her the £20. A few months later she asked again, and this time I said I would, but that it would be the last time, and gave her another £20. Unsurprisingly, she asked again a few months later, but this time I had to say no. I did feel bad though. I'd hate to see someone struggling if I could help, but I am pretty sure it wasn't her electricity that I was paying for.

Whereis · 04/11/2021 13:27

@magicstarsaremagical

It would make me think she was sounding you out as her next cash cow... ask for a small amount now and see if you are willing. Then next it's £100, or £1000.

She must have used up all her goodwill with her closer friends.

This in spades
CokeZeroAddiction · 04/11/2021 13:27

Say sorry, but you don’t have a spare £20?

Generalpost · 04/11/2021 13:27

@ONte

Old childhood friend that I haven't seen for about 15 years. We were close at one point but she spread around some sensitive personal information about me as teens that caused me alot of upset and embarrassment. I forgave but never forgot iykwim.

Anyway we have one another on Facebook now and are both mothers, exchanging congratulations when our babies are born and occasionally having a little catch up.

Today she messaged me out of the blue asking if I can lend her £20 for gas as her children's father hasn't paid her and it's left her in a difficult position.

I know it's not much but we don't have alot of money, we live in an expensive (overpriced!) area and have been surviving on one wage since I had to stop working during my pregnancy due to health problems. Said pregnancy is now a 3 week old newborn.

I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it as I've no way of guaranteeing she'll pay me back and £20 is two tubs of formula to me, I live 250 miles away now and she used to have form for borrowing things and not returning them (not money, clothes etc)

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask.

WWYD?

Tell her to phone her gas /electricity company tell her to explain she has a child etc. That she does not have any money and they will put credit on her gas /electricity. She will have to pay it back though
Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 04/11/2021 13:27

No. An ex colleague of mine messaged me a few months ago asking me to lend her money for her rent and I haven't seen her since I left. We've said we want to meet up but I'm totally put off now.

StormTreader · 04/11/2021 13:31

Someone with a large family and friends nearby, but shes asking you? Usually means they're all well-aware that she won't pay it back, or that she actually wants it for fags or something so she's having to look for new people further away.

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/11/2021 13:32

I never lend money. I've given small amounts to very close friends/family who needed it in the past - I have always said "No, I never lend but will give it to you on this occasion."

The emphasis is on the close friends and family, however.

Megan2018 · 04/11/2021 13:32

Say No and block her. You are being used!

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 04/11/2021 13:32

She's tapped out everybody by not repaying loans if she is now getting in touch with people from 15 years past.

There's a backstory.

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

QuiltingFlower · 04/11/2021 13:33

Don’t give her any money. Suggest she contact Citizens Advice. They might be able to get her an emergency energy top up and help her with budgeting/ benefits claim etc.

Original poster
ONte · 04/11/2021 13:33

I can't rule out it being a scam to be honest, but my instinct tells me it's her asking.

We had a brief chat last week after I announced babies arrival on my profile and the way this message today was typed is in exactly the same way as she types.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 04/11/2021 13:37

why would you even consider doing it? say no and block....or just block

Gilda152 · 04/11/2021 13:38

"I think you may have been hacked because I've just received a message asking to borrow money? sorry if that's not the case but in any event I can't help you."

traka · 04/11/2021 13:38

Somebody that you haven't seen for fifteen years is not a friend

She's a Facebook friend, big difference

Only "lend" her money if you can afford to not get it back because you 100% won't get it back

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