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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend I haven't seen in 15 years wants to borrow money

219 replies

ONte · 04/11/2021 12:55

Old childhood friend that I haven't seen for about 15 years. We were close at one point but she spread around some sensitive personal information about me as teens that caused me alot of upset and embarrassment. I forgave but never forgot iykwim.

Anyway we have one another on Facebook now and are both mothers, exchanging congratulations when our babies are born and occasionally having a little catch up.

Today she messaged me out of the blue asking if I can lend her £20 for gas as her children's father hasn't paid her and it's left her in a difficult position.

I know it's not much but we don't have alot of money, we live in an expensive (overpriced!) area and have been surviving on one wage since I had to stop working during my pregnancy due to health problems. Said pregnancy is now a 3 week old newborn.

I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it as I've no way of guaranteeing she'll pay me back and £20 is two tubs of formula to me, I live 250 miles away now and she used to have form for borrowing things and not returning them (not money, clothes etc)

She does have a large family and I'm assuming other friends she can ask.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/11/2021 13:39

Saying it's for gas did pull on my heart strings a bit as I would hate to imagine her children being in a cold house

With someone you've not heard from in 15 years, that was doubtless the intention, and the fact it was requested for gas is no guarantee that's what it was actually for

As for her having a large family she could approach, what are the chances she's already run out of credit (literally) with all of them

Anyway you'll never really know, but all in all it's almost certainly better swerved

Alfixn · 04/11/2021 13:40

Wow its a cheeky request anyway, but also you literally had a baby last week and she wants money off you?? Congrats OP, but yeah, I echo everybody else in telling you to run a million miles from this one.

TableFlowerss · 04/11/2021 13:41

@1FootInTheRave

Absolutely not.

Cheeky twat.

This
Lyricallie · 04/11/2021 13:41

I would just leave it on read in all honesty. I wouldn't want to be pulled into a discussion about it. If she ever brought it up in the future I would be like "oh I thought that was a hack, weird." Then not bring it up again.

ChargingBuck · 04/11/2021 13:42

No fucking way.

You haven't seen her in 15 years.
Yet you are the only person she can turn to for £20?

Have you wondered why she cannot borrow from a family member, a local friend, or - you know, someone she has actually met in person in the last decade or 2?

Do you think it might be because she has taken the piss with people who actually see her?

TravellingSpoon · 04/11/2021 13:43

Sounds like a scam and she has been hacked. Is she meaning gas = home heating or gas = petrol. If you are not in the US this would make me suspicious.

LIZS · 04/11/2021 13:43

Are you sure it is even her? You cannot afford to lose it.

Plumpkinn · 04/11/2021 13:43

No way.

Rude woman.

Blinkingbatshit · 04/11/2021 13:44

Are you sure she hasn’t been hacked and it isn’t a scam?!

Gilda152 · 04/11/2021 13:45

I would also be tempted to unfriend her, if I'm honest. There's no shame in asking for help but as others have said, if she has a large family she may have exhausted all areas of credit already, she may perceive that because you live in an expensive area you have money to give away.

Be clear and firm. If she is happy to contact someone she's not seen for 15 years to ask for money, she is not a friend. These situations rarely end with a warm glow inside on behalf of the giver. It may start that way but the wheels tend to come off...

leavingtime · 04/11/2021 13:46

Definitely NOT. Remember, a leopard never changes it's spots. She should be in your past anyway with the way she treated you.

Tal45 · 04/11/2021 13:47

Not a chance. There are two reasons why she might be asking you. One, she hasn't paid any of her family/friends back when they've lent money to her so she now has to try other more random people. Two, she wants to find out if you're a soft touch that she can regularly borrow off if she needs to and she won't worry if she can't pay it back because you're not that important to her. Just say you're really sorry but you just can't afford it and see how she responds - that will tell you a lot about the friendship.

Joystir59 · 04/11/2021 13:47

Give it don't lend it, but only if you can afford to do so.

morechocolateneededtoday · 04/11/2021 13:48

Absolutely not, as you have said, she has family she can ask from and can ask the gas company because there are children in the house

CherryBlossomAutumn · 04/11/2021 13:48

No way in hell would I give someone who treated me badly money. Not unless we had completely made up as adults and she acknowledged she’d been awful.

Let her earn your trust in friendship first before she goes asking for more.

RonSwansonsChair · 04/11/2021 13:48

Not in a million years! To head off any future similar requests, I'd be telling her you're short of cash and need a loan.

TeapotCollection · 04/11/2021 13:48

I bet you don’t hear from her again when you decline her request

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 13:49

She's not your friend. She's someone you knew 15 years ago who didn't even act well then.

She doesnt sound like a good person and she's probably only got on touch to have another person to hit up for loans etc

She sounds like a user.

pinkyredrose · 04/11/2021 13:49

I would hate to imagine her children being in a cold house

That's what she's banking on.

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 13:50

@Tal45

Not a chance. There are two reasons why she might be asking you. One, she hasn't paid any of her family/friends back when they've lent money to her so she now has to try other more random people. Two, she wants to find out if you're a soft touch that she can regularly borrow off if she needs to and she won't worry if she can't pay it back because you're not that important to her. Just say you're really sorry but you just can't afford it and see how she responds - that will tell you a lot about the friendship.
This.
leavingtime · 04/11/2021 13:50

Your priority is your baby, you and your family and household expenses. Not some random facebook person who is cadging money off you. Surely you know that.

Still1nLove · 04/11/2021 13:52

Definitely not

TrufflesAndToast · 04/11/2021 13:52

‘Hi CF friend, just to let you know I think your account has been hacked as someone is sending out cheeky messages asking for money. I knew it was a scam given that we haven’t seen each other in years so you’d never ask me if you wanted a loan! Hope all is well with you!’

hellywelly3 · 04/11/2021 13:52

It might be scam where someone hacks someone’s account and sends random friends requests for money. So it might not actually be her.

EwwSprouts · 04/11/2021 13:53

No. It will turn into a string of requests. She is an acquaintance at best after such a long period.