To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

You can't possibly get shot of the Valet, tomorrow is Saturday and who on earth is going to load your guns for you.

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead I’m dying to hear how your meeting with your editor went. Where can I pre-order Tales of a Humble Shopgirl?

Best consult with Mater and Pater before making any rash decisions. Good luck with this one old girl. You have a right head scratching situ here. Chin chin.

Are you that bore of a woman that was blithering on about having an annual £10 mill and getting people to actually ask her questions the other day? Quite incredible

Gosh no that wasn’t me. If only I had 10 million a year I’d at least be able to afford decent staff and wouldn’t have to get valets taking coats and bringing post .

Trolleyfolly. I agree. People see the massive house, the staff, the children in their Eton attire and think we have it all. They don’t see the crumbling plaster, the ancient Landrover and the furniture riddled with woodworm. They don’t feel the humiliation when useless staff mix up guests coats or feel the heartache when post is brought in by a stroppy servant on a smudged tray (The post is on the smudged tray, not the servant. Though I feel like serving his head on a tray after yesterday’s debacle) an hour after it was delivered. Life is not all fossicking in sun dappled grounds and tucking into delicious afternoon tea prepared by kindly maids.

Oh and I wish this was a reverse. No it’s sadly not.

That's what you get for having the valet deliver the morning post. NO ONE other than my personal maid enters my private chambers before I am ready to face the day, and that is never before midday.

And since a soirée is, by definition, an evening party, that may have been what confused your staff.

the Times

How did Mrs Jacob Rees-mogg get let on mums net????? Surely there's a posh person's "Net of the Mama"

Bath Oliver’s! I want some, been looking for years for the chocolate variety, can you still get them?

Fossicking….what a lovely word, what does it mean?

@Beautybunny

Well this is fun for a Friday night! Usually harpies saying they can't live on £100k, gets worse at 9ish when the booze kicks in! I myself thought of employing a shopper (can't be arsed). But my I am too tight. Cheers!

I recall a thread like that recently. Something along the lines of "Although I earn over £100K per annum when I've paid the school fees, music lessons and fed and stabled the horses I have nothing left". How can people be so tone deaf and out of touch to the problems of others!

If things don't improve OP have you considered a month or two in the city? Rent a suite, take only your personal maid with you and enjoy the sights and sounds of London.

While you are there you can unofficially assess the hotel staff for suitability in a country home.

I know many are foreign but the welfare state has given the British underclass ideas above their station eg that there is a 'minimum' wage and they should be paid it.

Set the dogs on them pronto, that should smarten up their ideas.

sashh. That’s not a bad idea at all. Id be nearer to Windsor too so could visit the boys at the weekend. It’s a lovely thought to leave behind the stresses, strains and pains for a while. My maid thank heavens is an absolute gem. She instinctively knows what I want when I want it and I rarely need to ask her to do anything. If only I could clone her. She’s in her 70s now and im dreading ner retiring. Mind you I think im safe as she can’t afford to retire with the pension provision we have paid her. Phew.

Ineke Theres a Bath Oliver Preservation Society and there website lists where you can still buy them.

Fossicking means to rummage around in or search. I used to say the boys fossicked about in their toy chest. I use it generally to mean happily play even though that‘s not its actual meaning. It IS a lovely word I agree.

Mater actually attended finishing school in Switzerland. It came in terribly useful, her deportment was second to none and nobody could touch her flower arrangements.

Alphabet. The Swiss really know a thing or two about finishing i agree.

Sack them all straight away. Teach them their place.Surely some of your other staff could step in till the recruitment agency sends you replacements?

To be fair, an aging Land Rover alone could bankrupt the Royal Family of an affluent nation...

Captain you are so right. The Landrover and the horses are both huge drains on the finances. Oh and the bloody roof too.

@InPraiseOfBacchus

Kind of sick how much effort people are willing to put in just to alienate people who are able to afford a cleaner now and again.

But this is MN, where anyone who can afford M&S bananas or occasional cleaning services is hounded for being part of the Oppressive Ruling Class.

This is MN, where people can have a moniker like "Baccus" and still think they can be woke...

Is this a jokey thread? It feels like a jokey thread 🙈

@Madein1995
Tis a jokey thread or I have outed myself for having a housekeeper!
Comments very funny but back in the day I had a housekeeper, gardener and driver. Now not so wealthy or knobby! I did actually take my surf (daughter) to marks and spencer to choose food for next week as i am away in business and far to busy to feed people. I shall be dining at the Ivy and San Carlo Nd The Ritz.

Sorry can't type. Executive assistant is away this weekend. Very inconvenient. Probably taking drugs with local people.

I think you mean your dogs were barking their heads 'orf', not 'off'.

Cunty. Obviously they were barking their heads orf. That goes without saying.

Beautybunny. I might be bumping into you in Marks and Spencer’s if the cook follows the cleaning staffs‘ lead and walk out in solidarity with the butler and valet. It’s so quiet round here with so many staff missing. There’s just DH, the beagles and the labs ( who are all asleep) and the horses who are in their stables. It feels a bit ominous and creepy.