Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had it with my butler and the valet

330 replies

SierraJulietGolf · 03/11/2021 23:43

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

OP posts:
IrishCharm · 05/11/2021 19:15

I think you’re being extremely unreasonable - surely a few more weeks training will set them straight rather than having to faff about hiring and retraining newbies!

Original poster
SierraJulietGolf · 05/11/2021 19:21

Im not sure I should up my gin rations. I had a routine blood test last month and they found more alcohol than blood. Any more and I’ll probably embalm myself.

OP posts:
Beautybunny · 05/11/2021 19:27

Well this is fun for a Friday night! Usually harpies saying they can't live on £100k, gets worse at 9ish when the booze kicks in!
I myself thought of employing a shopper (can't be arsed). But my I am too tight. Cheers!

RestingStitchFace · 05/11/2021 19:48

You think you've got problems, my butlers served my butler served the dessert wine in Sherry glasses. It'll be the talk of the yacht club for months. Mortified doesn't even begin to cover it....

RestingStitchFace · 05/11/2021 19:49

Aaah dammit - I ruined a good gag with shite written English. Aaah never mind.

As you were Mumsnetters...

Carreterra · 05/11/2021 19:55

Living the dream, eh? Reminds me of the Harry Enfield sketch of when Wayne & Waynetta Slob won the Lotto. If the butler doesn't present the post to you on a silver platter you should dismiss him immediately, and the Times has to be ironed first ! Grin

Flowersintheattic2021 · 05/11/2021 19:55

Your great at writing stories 😀. Do you write stories for a living or is this a side hobby.

longwayoff · 05/11/2021 19:57

No no no, Sierra, do not replace your husband with the gardener. Think of the herbaceous border, years in the making, the pride of the County, sufficient to put Vita Sackville West to shame. It will go to rack and ruin. I beg you to reconsider. A groom perhaps?

Bebethany · 05/11/2021 20:01

SierraJulietGolf I say serve you right you Capitalist! Do the work yourself and donate the proceeds to the filthy village scum!!

Beautybunny · 05/11/2021 20:10

I had a housekeeping woman who polished silver, didn't want to wash the floors! At daughter's christening went to the China cupboard and was attempting to use 1820 crystal on locals! I was a knob at the time so directed her to the free Waitrose ones.

JudgeJ · 05/11/2021 20:11

@tommyhoundmum

Can you have a soiree in the morning?
Your house, your rules!
Amitskitshaw · 05/11/2021 20:28

I’m shocked you were having a soirée in the morning. That’s an evening event. Why was the Vaket in charge of cloaks?

AdoptedBumpkin · 05/11/2021 20:33

It's just so hard to find decent staff these days Sad

CreakingatTheWhinges · 05/11/2021 20:35

OP, this thread should have come with a trigger warning first! You are talking of such non u things that my stiff upper lip has verily trembled. I even briefly contemplated bringing out my smelling salts but made do with a good slosh of gin instead.
Honestly though, if I hadn't come from such good stock, I might even have had to contemplate the dreadful, nouveau, therapy
Do think of those gels with a more delicate constitution won't you?

trolleyfolly · 05/11/2021 20:38

I was really pleased to stumble across this, actually, as it is rare that our type get heard. I feel supported in some small way.

I have been having problems with my manservant, my Norland nanny, employed exclusively for our teacup pomeranian puppy as my dc are all away at finishing school at the moment, my personal maid, my personal shopper, my personal trainer and my bottom wiper.

I am jolly cross about the whole thing. I don't see the point in being posh and rich if you can't find people who pull their fingers out.

Can we start a club and have group hugs?

In the meantime I am awft to put a rocket under them all.

tolerable · 05/11/2021 20:45

reginald perin,lord lucan,common sense,dignity and standards...are leading you into-your last option.doll

longwayoff · 05/11/2021 20:53

group hugs? I feel rather faint. Good heavens. What on earth do you think your dogs are for?

trolleyfolly · 05/11/2021 20:57

I think if I tried to hug my pomeranian teacup puppy I might squoosh it unfortunately. Can barely see it.

Spaceshiphaslanded · 05/11/2021 21:03

🤣🤣🤣🤣

JonSnowIsALoser · 05/11/2021 21:18

I can only react to this in a truly MN fashion: "Is this a reverse, OP"?

JonSnowIsALoser · 05/11/2021 21:20

But seriously, OP, why do you personally stress about it? One would hope you have a majordomo to sort it out for you.

Bringonthepjs · 05/11/2021 22:05

Are you that bore of a woman that was blithering on about having an annual £10 mill and getting people to actually ask her questions the other day? Quite incredible....

Ariadneslostthread · 05/11/2021 22:08

You think you have issues ?. My housekeeper didn’t buy any Almond Milk, and when I got there , Waitrose had run out !!. Coupled with this, they had no pre cut gluten free bread, only uncut, meaning my daughter now cannot have toast tomorrow. We have only 1 child. I’d love a second, but no one came forward after I advertised in The Lady for a Handmaiden. I don’t understand - There are simply no standards in society anymore:((

Ddot · 05/11/2021 22:09

Well I think! Oh damn and blast my Pearl's just broke. I'm sure I can hear Marcus arriving home, yes that's the helicopter. Sorry must dash, need to mix him a G&T or maybe I will open
a bolly. Mwar mwar

dropje · 05/11/2021 22:12

@SierraJulietGolf

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

Envious of you managing a 'soirée' in the morning! Did you retire to your room after lunch? Note to self: must try above.