To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

Yeah I'm with getting Willikins in, there is a man who can run a household staff, just dont stand too close when he gets his comb out...

You could save yourself a fortune by getting down to the workhouse , that's where I get all my staff ( on the cheap ) and train them up .😉

YABU and probably a troll. You are making a mockery of those of us who really do have to deal with these sorts of issues.

LTB

Cancel their cheques

plinkplink. It’s a good idea but quite honestly I don’t have time to train anyone up and most of the present staff are so hopeless I can barely trust them to remember how to tie their own shoelaces. I do think I shall have to ask Mummar. Great Aunt Mary has passed on bless her so unless I can find a decent medium (unlikely in the present job market) Mummar shall have to suffice. I do appreciate all of you supporting me through this. I hate my life right now and have no one in RL who won’t judge.

LTB. Which one?

Honestly are you paying them enough. A decent butler should be on a 6 figure wage. We spent a fortune on a bidding war to get Pennyworth. But it was money well spent to see the young lord’s new bat cave.

A his and hers, valet and ladies maid would ensure the post is presented on time. Do you get them to iron the emails?

The only downside with our wage structure is that the staff are always on social media explaining how they spend it all.

YABU and probably a troll. You are making a mockery of those of us who really do have to deal with these sorts of issues. I’m not making a mockery of anyone. Except the useless valet and butler. And they deserve it. I’ve just increased their pay to the new minimum wage as well and this is how they treat me!!!

You need to destress from staffing woes. Get the gardener to show you his ha ha. Very relaxing.

You would not have had the problems with coats had you employed competent footmen.It is not a butler's job to deal with coats. Roses are not in bloom at this time of the year. Soirees are evening affairs. They are not held in the morning. It sounds like you are the worst sort of would-be parvenu arriviste. A successful parvenu would not be entertaining the sort of Z list types you assembled. The dogs were probably barking at them.

Handing out coats and dealing with the post should be the footman's duties. Of course, if you don't have a footman, the valet should take on those duties.

What is the world coming too? Next thing, you will be taking your childhood nanny to help out on the campaign trail and wondering why people are mocking you because no one would laugh if your gentleman's valet was assisting in handing out election leaflets, would they, Jacob?

LemonTT. It’s so hard isn’t it? Theirs a problem for every solution . My emails are ironed but I still find the occasional pucker and crease.

Have you had your crew sign confidentiality agreements. Might help put an end to the constant SM posts bragging about their Balenciaga pashminas and Rolex’s.

Oh it was YOU I lost that bidding war for Pennyworth was it? You lucky thing. He’s one in a million. I cried for a week when I lost out .

Your issue is expecting the butler to store coats, and the valet to do post. The butler should collect coats and hand them to the hall boy (or footman at a push) to shelve properly, and the hall boy should be bringing the post to the valet to be checked and immediately brought to you.
That’s what you get for skimping on the wage bill, I have no sympathy

You must be nouveau. What were you thinking, inviting a mayor? A tradesperson ?! No wonder your butler and valet do not respect you.

You would not have had the problems with coats had you employed competent footmen.

Ah, ItsDinah, I am glad to see there is another woman of class here.

Soirees are evening affairs.

True.

More importantly, how very non-U to use French.

YABU not to include Viscount of the biscuit variety at your gathering.

Next you'll be updating us that the ambassador did not bring the Ferrero Rocher!

I might just call 101.

My only question is, why were you hosting a soiree (evening event) in the morning? Would that not be simply an 'at home'?

Full sympathies though dahling!

It's all a bally poor show.

C’mon OP, pay up and poach Pennyworth.
Problem solved

cheshirecat99. I had to release the footman to pay for the new roof to the north wing of the estate in Buckinghamshire. Times are hard. Not many people realise the struggles we face. I so empathise with dear Jacob. It’s so demeaning when you are forced to double up staff‘s duties. Only last week my groundsman had to pick up Jaspar‘s hamster from the vets after it’s weekly pedicure. Embarrassing much. Has to sneak them out the lodge house so no one could see. You can be sure it would end up in the Mail otherwise.

Now see here, I am getting awfully sick of these mocking posts on MN about those of us who happen to hire help. It’s not just the wealthy who need staff. I have a very average six figure income and my DH is self-employed and his business was massively impacted by COVID. He had to cut down to one private jet for business travel and barely paid himself a massive bonus last year. I’m sick of explaining that yes, while we do have a scullery maid and pantry boy, really, we are no better off than a single mum on a council estate because of taxes and school fees and whatnot. Plus we are over the threshold for child benefit! Can you believe!

Next time you’re tempted to make fun of the squeezed middle I suggest you do something more productive like leave the children with nanny and have a spa day.

*Soiree are evening affairs.

True.

More importantly, how very non-U to use French*
Look it’s been a very long day, I’m exhausted and stressed and have had 3 single malts. Of course soirées are in the evening. Do excuse my error.

*Now see here, I am getting awfully sick of these mocking posts on MN about those of us who happen to hire help. It’s not just the wealthy who need staff. I have a very average six figure income and my DH is self-employed and his business was massively impacted by COVID. He had to cut down to one private jet for business travel and barely paid himself a massive bonus last year. I’m sick of explaining that yes, while we do have a scullery maid and pantry boy, really, we are no better off than a single mum on a council estate because of taxes and school fees and whatnot. Plus we are over the threshold for child benefit! Can you believe!

Next time you’re tempted to make fun of the squeezed middle I suggest you do something more productive like leave the children with nanny and have a spa day.*

Oh Lordy I am not mocking anyone. I totally empathise. In fact reading about your situation has put my own misfortune into perspective. I hope things pick up for you soon.