To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

This thread is so funny.
I'm still giggling at the pp who said something like, I sacked her and gave her back her passport. Though I did tear it into pieces first 🤣🤣

Think yourself lucky i've had to wipe my own arse today !!

Is this for real?

Have them flogged

Making fun of the squeezed middle? I could do with a squeezed middle, mine is way out of control. Must be all the leftover Ferrero Rocher I have to eat dispose of every week.

Those ambassadors really don't have much of a sweet tooth, do they? I'm thinking of switching to Elizabeth Shaw Mint Crisps if Harrods still stocks them. Or would that be letting the side down too much?

@Retired65

Is this for real?

Of course it is. This is Mumsnet.

🤣

You need to employ Bunter ( Lord Peter Wimsy's man ) not only is he a excellent buttler but he also helps solve crimes . So he will help you escape if you accidentally shoot one of your minions

💤💤💤💤

I've been paying someone to exercise for me and I found out today that they're not interested in doing a marathon once a week. I'm quite shocked at the lack of interest in my health.
I was hoping to eat a lot of fried food this weekend but if no one can be bothered to run it off for me then where's the pleasure in that?

Today starts a new era at Sierra House. No more Lady nice guy, no more please and thank you, no more smudged trays or mixed up coats. I’ve informed DH he must be consistent too. No good Lady bad Lord situations

You're learning, OP, but I suspect the crux of this insubordination is how you've treated them in the past

What's this "minimum wage" nonsense for a start? Don't you realise that serving their betters should be sufficient reward in itself

I'll bet you house and feed them decently too ... it just won't do, you know

Can you have a soiree in the morning?

You’re further along the yellow brick road than me! L😜L

I know how you feel OP. I took my Ferrari for a full inside and out valet and the job was done so poorly I ended up burning it out and ordering a new one.

Why can nobody take pride in their work anymore?

I just read it to have a laugh, then I realised that this is not just something that mumsnetters would call snob haha but is also one of those stupid jokes that all English people think is funny kkk
Is not… what a waste of writing 🤣

Am I the only one who thinks this is an utter wind up.

I don't believe a word. This whole post is ridiculous.

No one gets there post at 9.30am.

We're lucky if we get ours before 6pm

@Asthmasuffer

Am I the only one who thinks this is an utter wind up.

We all do, dear.

I've had a better day today thanks to this thread. I've fired the butler and the valet. The cleaning staff have walked in support but I honestly am past caring about their various gripes and sensitivites. I've placed ads in The Lady, am interviewing Paul Burrell and Phillips valet on Monday and when I've re-staffed I shall be setting out clear and firm boundaries. They will be told what to do and not asked. The pleases and thanks will cease and I am perfecting a patronising sneer and permanent air of disapproval so the newcomers don't mistake me for a soft touch and won't push the envelope (unless it's on a tray with a shine I can see my face in). I am replacing the beagles with corgies and my exasperating husband with the new gardener who is happy to do whatever is asked of him. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it's thanks to all the excellent advice and support you've given me on here.

Lady whistledown, is that you?

You need Mr Carson. He's the best butler.

Oh yes Carson.

The Lambert and Butlers of Buckingham-shire treated him dreadfully before he went to Downton you know.

Some unpleasantness involving a clown, a bottle of bolly and a punch bowl.

Just up your daily gin ration, I’m just things will improve then 🤞

@AlCalavicci

You need to employ Bunter ( Lord Peter Wimsy's man ) not only is he a excellent buttler but he also helps solve crimes . So he will help you escape if you accidentally shoot one of your minions

Our head gardener is very helpful when Stilton accidentally offs one of the estate hands. He's not a very good shot so it happens quite frequently. We bury them in the pineapple pit. Gives an excellent flavour, our pineapples are celebrated.

soirée refers to an evening gathering not the morning