To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

Personally, I'd have removed them all from my sight. You do someone a favour, by offering them reputable employment, and they squander them opportunity with careless incompetence. Half pay and a damn good talking to is what the Mistress of the house would prescribe.

Get the old family Travelling Chariot out and relax, we kept ours for exactly this type of household emergency.

Poor you.

Oh, Sierra, you went to school? I do hope you're not making the same mistake with your gels. I sense you may now be a bit of an independent thinker and I can only strongly advise against this, sleeping dogs and all that. Tsk.

YABU to say you had a soirée in the morning....

Off with their heads I say.

longwayoff. Yes I went to school then finishing school in the French Alps. I do suppose that encouraged me to think. Which is bound to lead to problems.

The travelling chariot is with our people for its annual service of i would definitely have used it.

As with ball at top of stairs idea for DH I’m reluctant to start a programme of beheading TacCat49. I don’t want a whole bloody mess around the place while the cleaners are still threatening to walk out.

Well a most distressing situation has occurred with Cook this morning.

I returned in the early hours from a literary gathering at my club, took a short 40 winks in the library in front of the fire. I went into the breakfast room and as usual the selection of hot and cold items were laid out on the buffet - a clutch of newly laid eggs, some haddock pieces, a dish of kedgeree, you know. A fairly standard breakfast. But as I cast my eye over the table I realise that the joint of ham was the same one that was laid out yesterday ! This is not the first time that cook has tried to slip an already- served joint past me. You'd think she'd know by now.
Our treasure of a housekeeper, Mrs Danvers, has given her her marching orders and a French Chef by the name of Anatole is on his way. I sincerely hope he is better than Mrs White.

Daphne. What a stressful start to the weekend. Whatever was Cook thinking? That’s just shocking. Lord knows what dread ailment you could have suffered at the hands of a day old ham.

the cleaners
This answers the thread in a brace of words. Oh my dear, it really is a case of marrying in and up, isn't it?

Just fire the fuckers! One stroke and their out with me ….

Log it with 101. And cancel the cheque.

I am shocked, yes shocked, to see such anti-butler and anti-valet sentiments. They are members of a minority group in society!

I sacked four of my maids yesterday ,let them go without references,cant get bloody good service any more

I can see where you went wrong: beagles not corgis. Boarding school boy error!

YABU.

Valets don't deliver post.

I think you are definitely being unreasonable as it is not the valet's job to deliver mail to the principal.
In private households
A valet serves the master of the residence. His preserve is the keeping of his wardrobe and footwear, drawing his bath, the laying out of attire for the day's activities, laundering and packing the correct clothing and toiletries when the principal travels plus sundry other personal attentions according to the wishes of his employer.
These activities are not the same as valets employed in the hotel sector.

Utter cunts the lot of them

Hope you enjoyed your ‘soirée’ in the morning! 😂

The thing is people just don’t understand what proper service is these days. I bet your kitchen maid doesn’t clean the silver properly either.

Has anyone thought of the children?

I think if they’re on a zero-hours contract at your beck n call then tough shit OP.

Hope that Mr Anatole performs better than Mrs White Daphne

Yesterday’s joint of ham?

Just pop to Waitrose and take it out on the staff there, that's what I do.

Well I think this is hilarious and if you're a troll you should go into creative writing