Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Can I leave a 12-year-old home alone for an hour?

168 replies

TheDuchess1979 · 03/11/2021 22:47

My ds is a fairly sensible 12 yo who is in year 8 of secondary school. As I work full time, I pay for a childminder for before/after school as I think being alone for a couple of hours is too much.
My dh and I are hoping to go to a dance class on Sunday night which is a 5 minute drive away for 45 minutes. AIBU to leave ds home alone?

OP posts:

Snoozer11 · 03/11/2021 23:48

You're doing him no favours.

Ironmanrocks · 03/11/2021 23:52

As a rule throughout lockdown our school offered in school care for Year 7 and below - Year 8 were generally deemed old enough to be at home and attend on line lessons. Unless vulnerable obviously. I think it is a sensible cut off, especially for an hour. I leave my Year 7 (11yr old) whilst I walk the dog (short walk) and have done for a while.

hibbledibble · 03/11/2021 23:57

I'm shocked a 12 year ago LD would be willing to have a childminder. It's really not necessary, unless there are additional needs you aren't disclosing.

One hour will be fine! I left my eldest alone from age 7. It was fine!

TheOrigRights · 03/11/2021 23:57

re a year 8 child getting teased for being at a childminder.

I used a childminder for my now year 8 son for many years. If I was in the same situation as the OP and felt I didn't want my son to be home alone for so long during term time then he would have been fine with the CM.

She is now a family friend, my son and her son are good friends and it would be more like just going to a mates house before and after school.

As it is I WFH so although I'm working I am about (in the office in the garden).

OP, I leave my son quite a bit now - I'm a single parent.
Last week I went out and wasn't back until 11pm.

On Sunday I will be out all morning.

As a PP suggested maybe he could start dropping a day or two with the CM, I bet he'd love the independence. He could have dinner ready for you for when you get back!

Crazycakelady17 · 04/11/2021 00:12

I think some of the responses here are a bit harsh OP you know your son best
Being left from 6.30am till 6/7pm with the responsibility of getting up to school and back making something to eat is not all 13 year olds can or want to do
If you can afford it and your son is happy then crack on but maybe build up the time left alone as y9 is a bit much for childcare for a average kid,
Re Saturday he will be fine for a hour.
I have a 12 (y7) and I’m home most days she doesn’t like being left it’s never been a issue as she either went to grandparents or her older brothers 20 and 17 would be home to watch her but they have there own lives now so we are leaving her more and more 2/3 hours but just building it up slowly
Enjoy your dance class and thank you for doing the job you do

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/11/2021 00:15

97% said YANBU including me

ignore the rest

Kirby30 · 04/11/2021 00:18

Yes. Both of my parents worked full time long days when I was younger but childminders stopped as soon as I went to secondary and that was the same for pretty much everyone else I knew too. I’d also be left alone for full days when off sick if it was for something manageable like a cold, and for various days in school holidays. It was fine.

clary · 04/11/2021 00:32

Wow yes of course it's fine. I left my dc for an hour at a much younger age (mostly with siblings there but not always). Unless there is some SEN you've not mentioned.

Like others, I am surprised your yr8 child goes to a childminder. You might want to start scaling that back OP. A 12yo who will be 13 soonish is fine to be at home 3.30-6. Has he ever been left alone for even a short time?

Redsquirrel5 · 04/11/2021 00:45

I certainly wouldn’t leave him for three hours. All the teaching staff I worked with either got their children to walk to our school or had some sort of childcare for their children at that age including childminders.

I worked as a childminder as well and I had a few Yr 6’s.
I didn’t leave mine until 14 except to go to collect children from school or be at a neighbours nearby.

AmyandPhilipfan · 04/11/2021 00:48

I agree that being alone from 6.30am til going to school and then from home time until gone 6pm is too long for a 12 year old. I remember hearing how one woman had been reminiscing with her adult daughter about how the daughter had been left at home alone for hours at 12ish, thinking the daughter had been fine with it. Daughter said, ‘I never told you at the time Mum but actually I hated it. I got home from school every day and hid on the floor behind the sofa until I heard your key in the lock.’ So while lots of kids are fine with being left it’s also quite normal for young secondary aged kids to not be ok with it for that long.

TurnUpTurnip · 04/11/2021 00:48

I didn’t even realise childminders took 12 year olds 🤦🏻 Tbh I’m surprised you even need to ask...

sweetgingercat · 04/11/2021 00:49

I have a boy of a similar age and I wouldn't think twice of leaving him at home for that long. We have good neighbours though and he could go to about six houses for help if he needed it.

I'm with you with the childminder. l would continue to have someone around. Long hours on your own (esp if you are an only child, which he might be - can't tell from your post) is not fun.

TirednWorried · 04/11/2021 00:50

Op said,
" i pay for a childminder for before /after school as i think being alone for a couple of hours is too much. '
Debates aboutallday every day are completely different

HunkyPunk · 04/11/2021 00:51

Blimey, I had a job at 12!

A job? I was running my own business at the same time as caring for my 5 younger siblings at 11!

Seriously, op, don’t be dictated to by independence one-upmanship! I’m sure your ds will be fine for an hour in the evening, but I think that I would also have a problem leaving a 12 year old to largely fend for himself during the week from early morning until 6 o’clock at night. You’re doing your best for him in rather difficult circumstances.

Having said that, it will be very unusual for a year 9 to have a childminder. In your shoes, I think my greatest worry would be the mornings, and him getting himself off to school, locking up etc. I wouldn’t think twice about a couple of hours after school. I would consider dropping the after-school sessions completely by the start of year 9 and maybe see how he feels about the morning sessions during yr 9? Unless he’s really keen to keep the arrangement in place, in which case, fine

When he starts having to lock up or let himself in more regularly, I’d get a key safe fitted. They’re brilliant and mislaid keys become a thing of the past!

EverdeRose · 04/11/2021 01:06

I'm confused at how OP is apparently a secondary school teacher but doesn't know if a 12 year old will be okay at home alone for an hour

RockinHorseShit · 04/11/2021 01:07

He's in secondary school, he'll be fine. I agree he's a bit old for a childminder too. Hopefully when he copes with this you'll realise that too

oviraptor21 · 04/11/2021 01:11

@TheGirlCat

Is this a serious question? 12 year olds babysit, so of course a high schooler can be left alone for an hour/even overnight.

No way I'd leave a 12 year old alone overnight.

safclass · 04/11/2021 01:12

Many teachers aren't!!
My husband works 15mins from home and rarely gets in before 6 and then has a good couple of hours marking as well!

BookFiend4Life · 04/11/2021 01:28

I think an hour is fine and I also think your child minder is fine, I would have had trouble making dinner for myself every night and staying on task with finishing homework at that age without supervision.

avamiah · 04/11/2021 01:33

My daughter is 11 nearly 12 and in secondary school and during half term/ school holidays I often have to go out in the daytime and leave her by herself for a couple of hours and to be honest she doesn’t even realise I’m back until she’s hungry.

However I have never left her alone in the evening and to be honest I wouldn’t, I would always arrange a baby sitter( child sitter) or take her with me.
That’s just me

SaltySheepdog · 04/11/2021 01:50

If he likes the company then it’s fine. However you do need to build up his independence through other time alone

Bellyups · 04/11/2021 02:07

I can’t believe he’s in year 8 and you have a childminder for him. I really hope no one at school finds out, for his sake.

In answer to your question - of course it’s fine.

WholeClassKeptIn · 04/11/2021 02:18

Really belly ups? You think ita normal for a child to wake up to an empty house, go to school, come home and be alone until 6 at that age?!

rrhuth · 04/11/2021 02:28

@TheDuchess1979

Erm…yes. And I leave home at 6.30am every morning. It’s a long day and feels too long for him to be by himself. I should add that we’ve not lived here long and don’t know any neighbours.

I agree it's a long day if every day. Mine the same age wouldn't want to rattle around alone all the time.

But the dance class is only an hour and fine IMO.

rrhuth · 04/11/2021 02:29

@SaltySheepdog

If he likes the company then it’s fine. However you do need to build up his independence through other time alone

There's no scientific evidence that leaving kids alone makes them better at independence later in life.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread