Can I leave a 12-year-old home alone for an hour?

[TheDuchess1979]

My ds is a fairly sensible 12 yo who is in year 8 of secondary school. As I work full time, I pay for a childminder for before/after school as I think being alone for a couple of hours is too much.
My dh and I are hoping to go to a dance class on Sunday night which is a 5 minute drive away for 45 minutes. AIBU to leave ds home alone?

Blimey, I left DD home all day when I was at work at that age.

She couldn’t wait for me to leave tbh. Now she’s 16 and wants me to go away and leave her to a peaceful house for an entire week!

My 12 year old often stayed home all day . No problems with that. I can't believe he normally has a child minder when he's at high school.

I find it hard to understand how you can be a secondary school teacher so used to children this age and still want to ask this?

I think you are absolutely right to not have him left on his own at home everyday for hours on end. It is not really about whether a 12 year old can be left (of course they can) but what is best for them. I can totally see that his life could be much happier if he gets to spend to spend that time with with other people in a friendly/family environment.

The Friday is fine.

I feel like a bad parent. DD has been pretty self-sufficient since the beginning of Y7. DH goes to work very early, and I work shifts. We gave up childcare in Y6! DD gets up and goes to school alone if we aren't there. Her dad is usually around when she gets home though. On Saturdays she might be alone from waking up until about 3pm! Sometimes she'll go to a friend's house or her Grandad's house though, on a Saturday. As long as there's food in the house and the Internet is working she's happy. She's now in Y10 and used to the routine.

Depends how he feels about being home alone, at night. As long as he is confident with it, then I probably would be OK with it.

I'm a bit surprised by these answers tbh. 3 hours every day, or far into the evening, are both a good step up from the usual "walk home and be home alone for a bit" kind of thing.

Blimey, I had a job at 12!

I’m sure he’ll be absolutely fine OP. Have a nice evening.

I thought I was OTT! Yep, year 8 I assume he gets to and from school ok? Look at it this way, better than dossing about roaming the streets. He’ll be at home, safe with a phone. Just make sure he doesn’t answer the door to anyone

I think it’s fine.

Nb I had a childminder at 12 and that was also fine. She walked us home from school and was at our house for a couple of hours – it’s not like we had to go to a playpen. It was just company in the house while we did homework or read or had a snack, or could go out and see friends and she’d be there when we got back. (Parents didn’t get in til 7 ish.) It was lovely and no one at school bullied us for it – and they bullied us for plenty else!

The thing is, a typical 12yo would be fine but all kids are different. The OP knows her own child and chooses to use a childminder for him after school. Presumably, the kid willingly goes along with this when most kids wouldn't. So maybe he just isn't ready for that level of independence yet, even if most kids of his age would be? It isn't a race.

The OP knows her kid and we don't. On the basis of what my dc was like at that age, it would have been fine, but mine would rather have died than gone to a childminder at that age, so it isn't a useful comparison.

I left mine from 9-2 at that age in the holidays. An hour is fine

Most Saturdays, absolutely. This Saturday however I'd say no. There will be too many firework display and garden fireworks.

Heck yes. As long as he has your mobile and can contact you, I don’t see a problem.

Why would you bam your Year 8 child from opening the front door?? IMO they need to learn to continue living a normal life in their own home whether I'm there or not. That includes dealing with normal day to day activities of such as taking delivery of parcels, ordering and receiving takeaways, answering queries from neighbours etc. Obviously you would reiniforce normal safety measures such as using the spy hole and the chain and not letting tradesmen in that hadn't been specifically arranged. But not allowing them to answer the door at all to anyone is ridiculous. At what age would you suggest they gain the right to open their own front door??

Is this a serious question? 12 year olds babysit, so of course a high schooler can be left alone for an hour/even overnight.

I have a 12 year old. One or two hours is fine but no way would I be out every day and leave her alone.
I’m sure she wouldn’t come to immediate harm but teens need emotional support and to know there is someone there when they get home, even though they won’t tell you that.
I know a 15/ 16 year old who was left alone every day until 7pm whilst the parent worked. She got so lonely / left to own devices that in the end went out and befriended a group of older teens in town who weren’t a good influence. Got pregnant and had to drop out of school.

@jgjgjgjgjg

Why would you bam your Year 8 child from opening the front door?? IMO they need to learn to continue living a normal life in their own home whether I'm there or not. That includes dealing with normal day to day activities of such as taking delivery of parcels, ordering and receiving takeaways, answering queries from neighbours etc. Obviously you would reiniforce normal safety measures such as using the spy hole and the chain and not letting tradesmen in that hadn't been specifically arranged. But not allowing them to answer the door at all to anyone is ridiculous. At what age would you suggest they gain the right to open their own front door??

Well who would come knocking on the door? If they’re expecting a delivery then they’d let him know it if it’s family then that’s different but absolutely I would encourage a 12 year old to open the door when they’re home alone.

Could be a cold caller ‘Is your mam or dad in?’ - no

Could be chancers that know they could rob the joint. Probably unlikely but should they open the door if it’s no one expected?

@TheGirlCat

Is this a serious question? 12 year olds babysit, so of course a high schooler can be left alone for an hour/even overnight.

You’d leave a 12 year old, alone over night?

Absolutely no way

Let him start to have some responsibility and drop the childminder seriously

I wouldn’t encourage I mean

Crikey o’ Reilly I had a paper round and was babysitting other kids at his age! Seriously is this a joke?

Wow I'm genuinely surprised people think its okay yo leave from 6 30am to a couple of hours after school by themselves!

Im at the stage of thinking half an hour to an hour while I pop out is okay so OP completely get you.

That’s a bit weird. At 12 he should be able to cook a simple meal by himself too. Unless he has some kind of disability a child at 12 should be able to go out with their mates for a few hours independently.

It isnt usual where we are to get up by yourself/go to school/come home for a couple of hours at 12 at all.

I had a paperround at that age too ... not sure of relevance to noone being home!