AIBU to give this money to DC?

[LoveyH]

I have one DC with DH who has a DS from a previous relationship. My DS is 3 nearly 4 and DSS is 9.

One of parents has recently given me a large (for us anyway!) sum of money as part of an early inheritance.

DH has always said he saw this as my money and it would be up to me what I spent it on but we ended up using the majority on a house deposit and some works that needed doing when we moved in so 90% of it has been spent on things for our family.

Me and DH have savings and we all live pretty comfortably.

I would now like to put the remainder of the funds into my son's savings account, my parent who gave the money is very happy for me to do this and I think it will be nice one day to be able to say GP paid for X or Y.

I am also planning to use a small portion to take my son out for the day. DH works some weekends so I like the idea of having a Mum and son day out doing something fun together and not really worrying too much what I spend on lunch, at the gift shop, or whatever iyswim, likely asking my parent to come along too.

DH has mentioned tonight that he thinks it would be fairer to split the money between the two children (DSS has a savings account too which DH and DSS's Mum pays into every month, admittedly with not as much in it as my parents also pay into DS's as well as myself and DH).

He also thinks we should do a family trip too.

I do see his points but at the same time I was looking forward to just having a nice day with DS and am, maybe selfishly, reluctant to agree to change this.

I am also reluctant, again, maybe unreasonably so, to split the remainder of the funds between the two children as DSS doesn't really have much of a relationship with my parent. No one is unkind, they just don't really know each other that well.

Unless DSS' mum is contributing to your child's savings, yanbu

@AchyFlower

Pretending otherwise doesn't do anyone any good

I agree and anyone who doesn't want to accept that things won't be absolutely equal probably shouldn't have children with different people and stick at what they have from their previous relationship.

It is unrealistic to think experiences will be the same. It depends on parenting choices which will be different potentially when step parents are also involved or parents had differing views they compromised on when together but then need to less when apart. There may be different household incomes and though maintenance could address that it doesn't address what can be quite different experiences due to a step parent income which doesn't have to go to maintenance. It depends on the type of step parenting scenario for example if non res parent has no relationship then a resident step parent may have a different input than otherwise similarly depending on her age of the child when the relationship starts. Another factor might be the position the other parent is in. If they're really struggling, and if the parent youre in a relationship can't help for the sake of the child due to their own finances, a step parent may choose to bring up the slack.

But nothing is guaranteed or required from a step parent and there is nothing wrong with putting your own child first. We personally have our wills written so that my money is split between my children and husband his. If children are under certain age it goes into trust and husband (or I if he dies first) can request from trustees if needed. But it means my step child doesn't inherit from me. I love her dearly but she has her own mother who has a property and has made her own decisions and investments/income as a parent which do not factor in my child.

@honeylulu

I don't think so if I've read it correctly. The DH and SS mum (both that child's bio parents) pay into SS savings account. The OP, DH (ie that child's bio parents) and OP's parents pay into her DS savings account. DSS mum doesn't contribute financially to OP's DS (unsurprisingly) which sets the tone for what OP can expect to do with her inheritance.

DSS has a savings account too which DH and DSS's Mum pays into every month, admittedly with not as much in it as my parents also pay into DS's as well as myself and DH

Sorry I misread your post originally, I thought you were saying that you didn't think the SSs mother put money into the savings account for her own son not the OPs son!