Ofc its tiring! I feel you! I am the same as you as I cannot handle being around people all the time, in-laws and otherwise, I need alone time to de-stress, I have always been tht way. So I do it in pieces. If I was you, I would not arrange activities specifically. Just do your normal thing and if it something they want to do then ofc they are welcome to come. Like if your going for a meal, they can come. If you are going to the supermarket, then ofc they can still come but doubt they would want to. I would keep it natural. Like they are regular members of the family. You spend some time with them whilst they are here but not all of it. Your kids can be with them without you, take it as an opportunity to go out on your own and have a nice break. It is what I do when I visit my own parents and I do the same with my in-laws. I visit them but I only spend some of the time with them. I use the rest of the time to have some alone time or see other family members and build those relationships. Would not get date night ever if my in-laws didnt come over once in a while and take my son. Cooking dinner for so many people is hard! So I would probably do a nice dinner the first night and possibly the last but otherwise they get what we eat. They will also probably want to go off and do their own thing as it is a break for them also, so just let them know. They might fee like they cant go out as they are there to see the kids but just let them know if they is anyhting they want to go out and do they can.
I think a change of mindset is needed here. Dont think of it as hosting them. Give them free reign around the house and it will feel less like hosting and more like family pottering about.
People are not around forever so make what time you can for them whilst you are able.
I think people forget, for your children, these relationships are so very important. And as the mother, the way you are with their grandparents will be noticed by them. Kids are clever. Regardless of what you feel, it is important for your children to have a good bond with their fathers parents. Your husband is their son! Imagine your son not wanting you in his home.
Imo it teaches your children so much about community and family and grounds them into becoming family-oriented and loving. It makes me so sad the way people take family so lightly and for granted and forget all the things that make us human come from being part of a family/community. It makes us loving, committed, empathetic, it gives us a place in society. So many benefits and sadly we live in a world where the meaning of family has been forgotten. Everyone just working all day long, majority of the year with no time for relationships/family. Also I get family are not perfect, but they are family and that means something!