To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

48, still having periods but some of these posts are ringing true with me.

Brain fog, particularly forgetting words or just not focused.
Achy bones.
Waking up in the middle of the night.
Being tired all the time (see above).

Also
I'm totally doubting my self when driving - directions, ability, distancing, etc. when I've always been so confident.

Allergies I never had before/stuff makes me itch.
(I can't wear a fitbit or sports watch with a silicone strap as I now blister after 2 days - knicker elastic makes me itch, the band on hold up stockings makes my legs react with red welts).

Red wine makes my face burn up.

Bad hormonal spots around my period - not had since a teen.

I'm not really up for HRT as both my Mum & Aunt had breast cancer soon after starting HRT, which was apparently accelerated by it.

@ssd You make an excellent point. I dont think the lockdowns have helped.

I'm alot less patient now. HRT saved me but my not suffering fools and telling them so is here to stay!

@SirChenjins yes I feel I am done with parenting as well. All those posts were women talking about having a baby in their mid-forties, I just think I hope you don't feel like me in a few years time.

Sage supplements switched off my night sweats and red clover calmed me down. Think Menoopace Max has them both.

Not sure quite whether I'm peri or now menopausal (just turned 50), but I had been peri for a few years before I started HRT.

My main problem was being hot, all the time. Plus the usual stuff - brain fog, wondering what the point of my life has been, dwelling on all the mistakes I've made, anxiety about nothing at all, etc, etc, etc.

HRT has helped with some of this, though the main thing it did was stop my wretched periods which had become one long non-stop, half-hearted period.

As PP have said, I have no nurturing hormones now. I have always been very even tempered and a people pleaser, but now have to make the effort to be these things (before, it came naturally). The main change in me is that I absolutely cannot be doing with any drama. 17 yr old DD is a drama queen, and it drives me mad. My lack of interest in drama also drives her mad, so it's not a good dynamic.

Overall, I feel more the way I imagine men feel.

@Turquoisesea The Pill did terrible things to me, and I was very scared of HRT for that reason, but it has been completely unproblematic. I'm on Femoston.

@Mantlemoose

I'm quite horrible now. I never suffered fools but could always walk away, now my mouth seems to have a will of it's own. I'm bitter and angry and I can't stand this world. Covid really finished it for me.

This!!!!

Peri menopause has definitely changed me emotionally. Anxiety was awful for a while but HRT and counselling seems to be helping 🤞
I find it so hard to be motivated to organise anything-dreading Xmas 😬

Yep Normally love Christmas but cant be fucked with things like Christmas shopping.

At the moment I’m actually caring very little about most things. I seem to have become clear sighted and very laid back 😂 compared to my previous perfectionist self. If DC refuses to wear a coat-“don’t wear it then”. If I can’t make a social event because I’m overwhelmed “sorry I can’t come”. I painted a pumpkin it looked shit who cares😂
Most stuff in life now is petty and I am done with almost all of it!

Thanks for everyone's honesty in this thread

I have been raging the last three days

It feels like a huge build up to this and then days of exhaustion

I speak my mind, all the time, my poor family !

Taking A.vogel menopause support and felt great for a week

Not so this week

Covid has not helped

I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE

It made me grumpy, anxious, fat, tired and paranoid.

So I went on HRT.

Now I'm back to normal and 100% happier. I'm so happy and grateful that I am able to take HRT. I lived through my DM's menopause and it was absolutely hideous and I was determined not to put my family through that.

Oh and ANGRY! So angry

I had permanent road rage.

Thank God for HRT!

I was angry- at everything and everyone. When I wasn't angry I was crying constantly. I also had hot flushes so badly I made our mattress mouldy . Sleep was impossible and the idea of sex was an absolute no no . For the first time in my life I was unable to retain any information at all . I was a hopeless wreck . I'm now on hrt and a much more even keel . I am however noticing big signs of being post menopausal now . This past year my neck has turned into a turkeys and my upper arms have collapsed. I keep fit and run regularly but struggle with my energy levels like never before. The libido hasn't returned either . I feel so glad that we are now discussing menopause. Entire generations my own included have arrived at this major point with a very limited knowledge of what to expect and I'm so proud of us all that we are not prepared to suffer in silence as so many have before us .

I feel so glad that we are now discussing menopause. Entire generations my own included have arrived at this major point with a very limited knowledge of what to expect and I'm so proud of us all that we are not prepared to suffer in silence as so many have before us

Hear hear.

As a younger woman I investigated (as a police officer) a case of assault. An older lady was walking in a car park and this kid in a parked car stuck her tongue out at her. The woman opened the car door, leaned in and slapped the girl around the face. She’d never been in trouble with the police before and I couldn’t understand it. Nowadays when I’m not feeling tearful I also feel like slapping people.

@KimberleySakamoto you are in perimenopause until the one year anniversary of your last ever period, two years if you are under 50. After that you are post menopausal.

I really recommend a website called 'Menopause Matters' . I found it really helpful and subscribed to the magazine for a while.

Oh totally get that about wanting to slap people.
I was a very law abiding person till recently - now I find myself getting really riled by stupid petty rules made by stupid petty people and look for surreptitious ways to get one over on their system. I’m becoming a crazy old lady - it’s horrifying (but also slightly liberating in a weird way)

@Siameasy

At the moment I’m actually caring very little about most things. I seem to have become clear sighted and very laid back 😂 compared to my previous perfectionist self. If DC refuses to wear a coat-“don’t wear it then”. If I can’t make a social event because I’m overwhelmed “sorry I can’t come”. I painted a pumpkin it looked shit who cares😂 Most stuff in life now is petty and I am done with almost all of it!

And absolutely THIS!!

*Or older woman. Anyway, crazy as I’m getting older as a woman is what I meant.

This article is BRILLIANT on the menopause

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/caitlin-moran-me-drugs-and-the-perimenopause-mpzn2cdh2

Oh no - it’s behind a paywall

@GoodnightGrandma

I am very unsettled. I’ve planned my divorce and even spoken to a solicitor. But I don’t want to go on HRT if it’s my relationship at fault, not my hormones. Reading this with interest.

This is me ! I feel totally dead to any feelings but can't work out if it's my relationship making me feel like this or my general dissatisfaction with my body and what it's going to me.

Waking in the night for over a year now. I just want a proper nights sleep again….

It's changing me as I no longer give a shit what people think of how I look. I now dress for me. This has been liberating. I'm not outlandish in how I dress but I always worried I wouldn't 'look right'. I now just consider that if I think I look right, then so be it. I also no longer put up with shit from other people. I now call it out when someone talks down to me or speaks to me like shit. I am particularly enjoying this.