To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

During peri I became like a teenager again. I dated horribly unsuitable men and was madly in love, behaving like a love struck 15 year old

Out the other side and I am absolutely out of fucks to give about most things, other than my immediate family and close friends.

It's time for me now and it's Fit in or Fuck Off.

I’ve only skim read the thread but I hope it’s ok to share my experience so far:

I sleep well
No hot flushes
Still have fantastic sex and my libido is good
I’m overweight but that’s too much wine and food
I feel happy mostly

I am, however, looking forward to my children being gone (2022) so DH and I can do whatever we want whenever we want. And I am questioning things because of a sense of time running out. But that’s not such a bad thing.

I am furious about a few things but generally the fury seems justified: VAWG, TRAs, the incompetence of our government…

I’m in my fifties and am on HRT.

Before HRT I was very anxious, full of rage, negative and constantly needing a wee. Now I'm using HRT I'm not anxious, my bladder is back to normal but I've become very reflective, and I value my time much more, I care less for others and their opinions, I need less social interaction, men irritate me. I've got little children so it's not the best time to be peri Meni.

DON'T suffer fools that includes OH he missed the malleable nurturing woman he married. I do snap and yet hold back a lot. It's the same with my friends.

Men also change they're irritable, cantankerous, immature foot stompers. As their hormones wither they're hard work

It's like having permanent PMT. Plus dreadful body aches, joint pain and tension in neck and shoulders, exhaustion similar to first trimester pregnancy, brain fog, memory problems, urge to wee, weeing ALL THE TIME, insomnia, hot flushes, night sweats, digestive problems, I'm a ball of fiery fury, I'm already on anti depressants so God knows what my depression/anxiety levels would be like if I wasn't.

One of the worst things is the increase in my symptoms clashed with DS being in a difficult teenage period. The last 18 months have been pretty bad. Poor DP has been caught in the middle.

The world has become too 'peoplely', I just can't tolerate it. By the time Friday rolls around I'm happy to shut myself away for the weekend. I do not give a shiney shite about much really but as someone who has always been a people pleaser that's not necessarily a bad thing! If only I could be a bit more pleasant about it .

I'm into my third week of HRT, body aches, joint pain and neck/shoulder has pretty much gone. Urge/frequency of weeing is better. I do feel a little more 'balanced' and not so much like I'm going to explode in a ball of 'FUCK THIS SHIT'. Hot flushes are less intense and less frequent. Night sweats are still happening but not as bad, they were pretty horrendous though, so a definite improvement.

@Kitchendisco21

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

It is very intense eh?!

We have survived.........so far.

I hit peri in lockdown, I think, although it's really difficult to tell how much of it was solo parenting in lockdown and how much of it was hormonal. Most symptoms were physical (insomnia, exhaustion, aching) , although I did get really down and finished with a boyfriend - which might not have been the right thing to do. I think it does make you question everything - in retrospect it was probably not really him.

Before then I had a raging libido for a few years which was great.

Most of my symptoms have disappeared with HRT (and the lifting of lockdown). I'm lucky I escaped the anxiety, flushes and so far the dryness. My libido is still pretty good and I'm talking to my ex again which is good. I've noticed weight gain around my middle which I'm not very happy about.

@ssd this has nothing to do with covid. Women have been experiencing this since the year dot. No one hears it/sees it till it's happening to them and those that don't experience it roll their eyes because they think it's just about feeling a bit hot.

I'm 54 and have been menopausal for about 6 years. It was horrendous at first then I found HRT. However it can bring different issues and I've had to go back to scratch and reduce my dose so the anxiety, self doubt, paranoia, mood swings, insomnia and sweats are back. It's fucking hellish.

Those of you still having periods does it ever seem to affect your bowels?

@SirChenjins

Oh totally get that about wanting to slap people. I was a very law abiding person till recently - now I find myself getting really riled by stupid petty rules made by stupid petty people and look for surreptitious ways to get one over on their system. I’m becoming a crazy old lady - it’s horrifying (but also slightly liberating in a weird way)

Ha! This is me too. Thankfully DS has left school now - their petty rules and regulations used to drive me INSANE. I can't talk about some of the situations without feeling violent.

@ChrissyHynde @GoodnightGrandma

Caitlin did write about exactly this, essentially losing estrogen is like losing your rose tinted spectacles and women realise what a load of crap they have put up with over the years, and feel righteous anger

So a combination of both really, a relationship where a woman has done more giving than taking, and then losing those rose tinted specs (hormones) wakes women up to the truth

We are more than just our hormones. HRT won’t change the fact that a DH is on the piss yet again, whilst you’re at home looking after the kids, the pets and his elderly mum

[quote Chocolatericecakes]@KimberleySakamoto you are in perimenopause until the one year anniversary of your last ever period, two years if you are under 50. After that you are post menopausal.

I really recommend a website called 'Menopause Matters' . I found it really helpful and subscribed to the magazine for a while.[/quote]
Thank you!

I'm not quite sure what stage I'm in because HRT turned my ridiculous endless period back into a 28 day cycle. Though I'm not sure if it's a "real" period, if you see what I mean, or an artificial one. This is where Menopause Matters could come in handy...

Also meant to say that I want to have sex all the time. Poor DP. One thing I'm really enjoying is the freedom to have all the sex I like without worrying about becoming pregnant, which kind of spoilt sex when I was younger.

This thread is a godsend. My mother would never talk about anything "like that" so I've no idea what's going on with me. I'm almost 52 but periods are still regular and normal. I've never had any gynae problems though and was able to get pregnant easily. I'm much less of a people pleaser over the last two years or so and a bit impatient with all the drama of the youngsters at work. If I don't agree with someone I'll say so. I'm polite but a lot blunter than I used to be! I get very tired but have a busy full time job with 25 preschoolers ever day. Outside of work I'm very happy on my own with the dog although I do still like my kids. I've been single for 12 years and have no desire to change that as my awful marriage took away any interest in sex. The worst thing is the tearfulness. I've never been a crier and I've been on heavy duty antidepressants for several years after a breakdown which numb the emotions a bit, but recently every little setback is making me cry and I hate it.
I don't have hot flushes or night sweats and sleep okay due to medication.
So could I be in perimenopause?

I wonder if the anxiety and being pissed off all the time ever goes?

I’m a lot less anxious. And I feel more confident about my looks. Which is ridiculous, because I can’t be less ugly than I was in my oestrogen filled twenties. But I looked in the mirror the other day and thought “yep you’ll do”. My head says no. But my heart says you’re fantastic😁

This must be what it feels like to be Steve Allen.

Mood swings, irritability, brain fog and aching bones all went away when I started HRT.

But yeah the tiredness is scary. I thought was seriously ill and I hate how many weekends I waste lying about catching 40 winks

On a positive note, I've started Body Pump to help with the old crumbling bone density and I honestly don't care what I look like, whether my face has gone red, or whether I'm lifting the lightest weights in the class. I'm there. That's enough. And something about pressing a weights bar over my head makes my inner She-Ra go Rrrroooaaar.

Most of the class is 40+ women not giving a toss. It's invigorating.

@KateF yes you could be.

@GoodnightGrandma

I am very unsettled. I’ve planned my divorce and even spoken to a solicitor. But I don’t want to go on HRT if it’s my relationship at fault, not my hormones. Reading this with interest.

HRT is actually really important for most women to reduce risk of health problems in the future, such as cognitive decline, dementia , diabetes, heart problems, which are all associated with a lack of oestrogen. Google Louise Newson. It really opened my eyes!

@VampireVicki

During peri I became like a teenager again. I dated horribly unsuitable men and was madly in love, behaving like a love struck 15 year old

Out the other side and I am absolutely out of fucks to give about most things, other than my immediate family and close friends.

It's time for me now and it's Fit in or Fuck Off.

Oh good god me too. I went absolutely boy crazy. I've calmed down now (a bit).

I'm on the HRT bandwagon! I had a phone consultation and I just have to text them a BP reading and they'll prescribe some. Looking forward to sleeping.

It’s interesting that lots of people are talking about the loss of nurturing hormones- that’s def how I feel a lot. Like I don’t want to look after anyone but my kids are 9&13 so I still have a few years of nurturing ahead.

I know someone who just had a baby at 47 and I regularly think ‘are you fucking insane’ 🤣

We know a couple who are unexpectedly expecting (naturally) - she’s 54 and he’s 70. That would literally finish me off.

Dear Lord!!