To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

You know that men would only try to join too.

@KittenKong

You know that men would only try to join too.

Agree - they'd complain that they have feels too, and don't we know how tough it is for them? Of course, they wouldn't actually start their own club, they'd just complain they couldn't join ours. The the trans activists would get in on the act and it would all get very messy...

I'm overthinking that already

@DangerMouse0

Same here, 39 & have lost literally all interest in sex over the last year. I really wouldn’t be bothered if I never had it again. Yes to random hot flushes too but periods still regular as clockwork. Have also developed an overwhelming desire to cut contact with people in general, or to have as little to do with other people as possible!! Just zero interest in other people apart from the necessary ones (kids/husband/very close friends.)

But then I’ve always been an introvert so perhaps Im just finding it easier now to be my true self. That might be due to just getting a bit older but my behaviour is pretty bad I’ve noticed - if there’s an email that I don’t want to respond to (because I know it will spark unnecessary dialogue) I’ve stopped replying, I stay quiet in meetings & let the others do all the talking because I just can’t be arsed, unless I'm directly asked a question I tend to ignore & just get on with my own thing. I avoid meetings where there are loads of fucking annoying people sounding off as they just irritate me & I keep myself away from work socials. Small talk is just pointless & best circumnavigated wherever possible.

I actually find I’m a lot happier behaving in this unsociable manner

Trans activists have already not only jumped on the bandwagon but are steering it too

As their hormone treatment (a choice) is similar to a women’s experiences of the menopause

Ffs can’t we have anything that is just for women.

@Eternallyfrazzled please do go and see your GP about the urinary symptoms. I’m 53 last year presented several times with what felt like a UTI. Initially told it was thrush but no response to treatment. A trial of Ovestin vaginal oestrogen cream has transformed me well a small part of me anyway I am no longer having to use the loo multiple times or putting up with a horrible nagging discomfort in my lower belly. Really low dose and can safely be used even other forms HRT are not suitable

Just seen this article about Jo Whiley's experience on the BBC.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-59118319

I'm 42 and have been on hrt since June (gel and utrogestan pills) . Gp originally diagnosed aching joints, fatigue and anxiety as long covid . When I added night sweats, urinary urgency and rage to the list a couple of months later she agreed that it could be peri and prescribed hrt. Was tricky to diagnose as I haven't had any bleeding since ablation 6 years ago .

It's really helped with most symptoms but I do still have far less fucks to give . Just started vaginal oestrogen to help with paper cut type tears after sex and hoping that helps too.

I'm not in peri menopause yet but I've heard this is really common. Have you listened to The Shift, a podcast by the journalist Sam Baker? It's really good. I feel like it's prepared me a bit for what's coming

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.
I was not an anxious person. Now everything like going on holiday I try and choose easy options. It makes me feel like an old person. Its not even anxiety about anything in particular. Just anything outside the ordinary I struggle with.

@julieca

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I was not an anxious person. Now everything like going on holiday I try and choose easy options. It makes me feel like an old person. Its not even anxiety about anything in particular. Just anything outside the ordinary I struggle with.

I can totally relate to this. Up until four years ago I would happily organise the family holidays - I used to really enjoy it which is why I did it (before anyone makes a comment about splitting the mental load with partners). Now I just freeze with anxiety and it all seems overwhelming, to the extent that I’ve now passed it over to DH. My elder two DCs are in their twenties and I can see them getting really irritated with me and my panicking - I remember feeling the same with my mum and thinking she was ageing. Funnily enough I can run a team quite easily at work - but that’s because I know what I’m doing. Anything out of the ordinary and I’m a nervous wreck

I had constant rage, depression, anxiety. Also insomnia for the first time in my life. It was really awful from mid 40s. GP put me on anti-depressants, which dealt with these symptoms immediately but left me totally numb.

A couple of years later I went on HRT - I basically demanded it from a lovely GP who was actually very sympathetic so there was no need to demand. Her words to me were "this will give you yourself back" - and it did!

I went through the hell of getting off the anti-ds. Stayed on HRT which has needed adjusting several times.
I am now mid 50s - 4 years post Menopause but still on a maintenance dose of HRT. I actually can't imagine coming off them.
I no longer care what anyone thinks of me, am much more opinionated and not afraid to tell anyone what I think.
I am fiercely protective of my family - DH and two teenagers but could not give a flying fuck about anyone else. To the point that I went NC with my DM two and a half years ago - long overdue.

@SirChenjins My mum was the same too. I remember feeling irritated with her.
I have read that your perimenopause tends to follow your mums.

The rage I was feeling was an almost physical feeling. I'm usually very calm and haven't suffering the ups and downs of hormones every month like some of my friends and took really bad to this rage I was feeling often followed by tears.

The brain fog was awful too. I was actually starting to worry it was early onset dementia until I clicked to what was causing it.

Now on hrt. Emotions feel much calmer. Brain fog lifting but still there.

I dislike people and barely tolerate them these days.

As I entered peri my periods became regular, I suddenly had them bang on every 28 days when it had been every 30-40 days in my 20’s and 30’s.
Then they started getting shorter, and I had one after 19 days. That, feeling shit with low ferritin, and having a very heavy 24 hours , made me look at doing something so I got the Mirena put in.

Its making me want to live in the past and behave out of character. Im married (marriage is sexless) but have met up with an ex three times in the last month. I have had a terrible feeling of time running out. I dont recognise who i am anymore. i had a period on 27th August and was waiting for the next one so i could start the mini pill. On 3rd October i gave up waiting and started taking it. Period turned up yesterday. Dark in colour and painful. And have now started crying all the time again.

Im 48

I'm 50 and peri. Very bad PMT symptoms, migraines, a bald patch on the crown of my head that's hard to hide. It's the hair loss that's worst. I can't even see a sodding GP about because they never answer the phone
I'm so tired all the time and I'm sick of working and I just want to retire - or go to bed and stay there permanently.

Grumpy, v low tolerance especially for DH. I think I was a bit lot of a soft touch, and he doesn't know what has hit him. Running had helped calm my moods somewhat, and good diet. Struggling with tolerance for DM who is a bit of a handful and quite doddery as well as v lonely- hard to manage when I'm working full time.

This thread feels very timely for me - I've rung my GP just this morning to ask for a consultation about menopause - she's calling me back on Wednesday.

I'm turned 40 this year but feel like I've been having symptoms on and off for about 2 years. First thing that happened was a horrendous period - I've never experienced anything like it, it was like the Somme! I bled through everything and ended up making an OOH appointment as I was so worried.

I've been having horrible night sweats for about a year and had terrible anxiety and depression. I ended up having counselling as it got so bad and while I do feel better it's definitely not gone and I've read some articles that said perimenopause can often be misdiagnosed as depression/anxiety.

I also had to have fertility treatment for my two children and there does seem to be a link between low fertility and early menopause, though the link between IVF itself and early menopause has largely been debunked.

I am so quick to anger these days, it's just not like me. I find myself shouting at the kids (7 and 4) and then afterwards asking myself what the hell that was all about.

There's no history of early menopause in my family as far as I am aware, so we'll see what the GP says when we talk on Wednesday.

@JumpLeadsForTwo

Grumpy, v low tolerance especially for DH. I think I was a bit lot of a soft touch, and he doesn't know what has hit him. Running had helped calm my moods somewhat, and good diet. Struggling with tolerance for DM who is a bit of a handful and quite doddery as well as v lonely- hard to manage when I'm working full time.

I can relate to the low tolerance. DH can be a gumpy sod at times and beforehand I would probably have rolled my eyes - now I really bite back. Both my parents are dead and may the gods forgive me, but there's a part of me that's very glad I'm not having to deal with the things my friends are with their parents. MIL is 90 and still living very independently, but the next few years are going to be difficult, esp as DH and nightmare SIL are not talking to each other - I will be leaving them to it. Working full time and dealing with the 20-soemthing and teenage dramas of the DCs means I am too tired to rise to it.

Exhausted
Unmotivated
Craving physical affection and sex (single parent)
Feel like I'm "done" with parenting now, had enough (unfortunately dcs are 16 and 13 and both additional needs)
Depressed premenstrually
Often wake up with ridiculous anxiety about nothing in particular.

Not fun.

I'm 47 and how do you get to find out if you're perj ? Does the gp do a test ? It's madness I am this old and have no clue. I can relate to so many of you left posts , I started getting really weird joint aches earlier this year ,lost all enthusi to do anything. Have a perm bloated horrible tummy but dr palms that off on my ibs , I am moody so moody, lack of patience, when I'm talking to people it's like I panic now I stutter or can't get the words out properly , sleep .. what is that & even my
Brain can't remember the stupidest east things .. like what I was thinking about five mins ago. Don't have hot flushes but my face looks like
I do , wee all the time it's horrible overnight needing the toilet so much & honestly it feels like I cba to function. So far GP has just upped my anti depressants

Been taking HRT this year and still feel like I've changed a lot and are a lot less tolerant. More unstable and volatile emotionally. Not a very pleasant journey.