To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

@TheSpanishApartment

I'm 48 and I think it's all just starting. I have low mood, zero motivation for ANYTHING, hugely irritated by my husband most of the time, zero libido, mood swings. I've had dry eyes for quite a few years now and the other week I got really hot and couldn't cool down (this never happens to me, I'm normally cold all the time). That hasn't happened since and was after drinking. But it's my mood that's the worst. I literally can't be bothered with anything or anyone and want to be left alone. I have a 6 year old so obviously I don't get left alone very often.

Bloody Hell. A 6 yr old. I'm 50 and my youngest is 17. That's bad enough!

I suppose if I had a young child, I'd somehow dig very deep to find the old nurturing hormones, but I'd be digging to Australia.

I am generally hotter, @FlipperStoleMyBall. I'm hot all the sodding time. Then I get super, super, super hot and have to fan myself and disrobe, then I get cold. I'm on HRT, and the only thing I can say is that it is less pronounced than it was.

I'm actually glad to have DC at university, so they can't bother me with wanting me to be Mummy (spent my entire life as a SAHM and loved it, which seems astonishing to me now).

Came on here hoping to find a menopause thread, and voila! I'm 53, and have been perimenopausal probably for the last 5 years. I'm at the stage now where my periods are tailing off, I'm maybe having one every 3 months or so. I'd been hoping to go through it naturally, just taking menopace and high-strength vit D.

However, last year I started having bladder/vag issues, did my research and found vaginal atrophy. Phoned Dr, they listened & prescribed vagifem, which really helped initially. A year later, I've now got to the stage where I've asked for HRT and will be picking up a prescription next week once I've had my BP checked. Reason? Crashing fatigue and brain fog so bad I'm barely managing to do my much-loved job. Zero motivation for life, zero libido with my much-loved & fanciable husband, and an increasingly shrinking/uncomfortable vag.

VA isn't going to stop if I don't take something stronger than vagifem twice a week, and I can't bear to think of just living with this for the rest of my life. I love my job, and if I make a 'forgetful/careless' type mistake, it could have serious consequences. If I can't do the paperwork that goes with it, I could end up on a disciplinary etc.

I've asked for the oestrogen gel & progesteron tablets, plus I think I'm allowed to keep using vagifem as it's such a low dose. I'm quite narked that I got so far through naturally (flooding, serious migraines, rage erc) only to give in now, but enough's enough. I feel like a dried-up shell of myself, I'm hoping HRT will bring me back to myself again.

On the good news front, I don't have migraines any more or very rarely. Used to get them before and after my period. Also seem to have more energy, probably because I have less headaches. And don't fret about other people so much. So far so good.

I can relate to so much of this and feel I'm definitely peri menopausal.
I was writing something last week and couldn't spell a word I must have written hundreds of times, I was really upset with myself.
I've always been the calming tolerant person in our house but now I've turned into an argumentative loon.
I think I also need to seriously think about HRT.

Yes. I was doing reports a few days ago, and something which would normally take an hour took me over 3 hours and it's not as good as normal. That's the point at which I phoned the Drs. I can't function like this. It's like wading through treacle. I've got at least another 10 years to go in my career, I need to be on the ball. Even if I stop HRT after 10 years it's (hopefully) better than this.

Today I had so much brainfog that I mistook the time for a much longed for meet up with friends and missed it. God, I hate this phase of life.

That’s rubbish @MareofBeasttown
I sometimes have it so bad I come out of the toilets at work and can’t remember if I need to turn left or right to get back to my office

@foxywheaton75

I can relate to so much of this and feel I'm definitely peri menopausal. I was writing something last week and couldn't spell a word I must have written hundreds of times, I was really upset with myself. I've always been the calming tolerant person in our house but now I've turned into an argumentative loon. I think I also need to seriously think about HRT.

This describes me too.

I've always been calm and been lucky not to suffer from pms but the rage has been awful. Not just for me but the others in my life.

I went to the doctors and am now on hrt and feel much calmer like the old me. No more rages over the smallest thing.

Brain fog seems to be slowly improving . I hope so as I was daft enough to suggest I do more exams at work and it's been so hard when studying all hours then not remembering anything...

I hate it and can't wait to be done with it, my GP isn't interested and doesn't prescribe HRT "because of the risks", no discussions to be had at all. I would love to be in a position to go private

I presume you have asked your GP why s/he is ignoring the NICE guidelines?

The risks of HRT are lower than not having HRT for most women.

EggAndHasBeans we may have the same GP! I'm disabled and pleaded with mine that my family weren't coping with the combination and wanted me to move out. The possible 'risks' were more important than the actual destruction of our lives.

Absolutely stunned by this thread. I feel like everyone is describing me.
Lots of emotional changes over last couple years, definitely full of rage, zero tolerance, questioning life , anxious a LOT when I never particularly used to be, impatient. Also really noticed brain fog/bad memory.
Physical things like dry thinner hair. Low libido.
I'm 40, so would not have considered peri. Think I'll be booking chat with GP. This is the most reassuring thread ever!

So many of you are having an absolutely lousy time with the menopause. I was quite late (mid 50s) and the hot flushes and consequent sleeplessness was terrible. If I'd been in paid employment I'd have had to give it up or go on HRT but I was able to (just about) carry on. The GOOD NEWS for me was that the appalling PMT I'd suffered with since the birth of my 3rd baby just disappeared. Every single month my poor husband was faced with an absolute nightmare of a woman. I didn't want to be like that but honestly couldn't help it. Now I'm even tempered and hardly ever get cross - and (now the Long Covid has gone) have masses of energy. Honestly, there is life after the menopause and it's great!

Can't remember who said that she had dry eyes....so did I. Ended up having tear ducts blocked at the eye hospital but then discovered that there were plenty of tears but no oils to stabilise them. Tried no preservative eye drops but couldn't get on with them. Did some research and discovered Starflower oil capsules. They really work. I can now go into the mall and my eyes don't go red and sore any more. Ones I use are Simply Supplements 500 mg. They take a few weeks to kick in but are brilliant.

I am fairly certain I'm in Peri-menopause. For the past few months, for the overwhelming feeling is one of constant irritability with everyone and everything. I don't give a fuck anymore and words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. The only time I can reign it in is with my 8 yr old DD, she's a sweetheart and I can't bear for her to see me like this. ☹ I've also developed anxiety when driving which I have never had. And really inconvenient seeing as i have a 100 mile round trip to commute for work. I find it hard to concentrate and I'm so forgetful. I feel pretty miserable most of the time.

Anxiety for a few yrs.I stopped driving it was so bad.
Depression,allergies,bladder frequency, dry hair painful joints,insomnia, mood swings so yes I have changed emotionally.
I can't stand bullshit or mind games now.
I wonder if some of it is just aging though as dh is v moody, and in his 60s. Tiredness affects us as we both do physically demanding jobs.

@bmbetu

Absolutely stunned by this thread. I feel like everyone is describing me. Lots of emotional changes over last couple years, definitely full of rage, zero tolerance, questioning life , anxious a LOT when I never particularly used to be, impatient. Also really noticed brain fog/bad memory. Physical things like dry thinner hair. Low libido. I'm 40, so would not have considered peri. Think I'll be booking chat with GP. This is the most reassuring thread ever!

I hear you! I’m 40 too and it’s only recently clicked that all this crap might actually be Peri. I hope your Dr is helpful, I spoke with the women’s health lead at my surgery and although I worried she’d tell me it was all in my head she’s actually booked me a whole raft of blood tests to see if they show anything up and also recommended I look at getting a Mirena coil which can also help.

Young dc here and I feel like they're only getting a half baked version of me (enter mum guilt). I've had my last 2 dc later (primary school age) and I felt like it made little difference in my early forties. Fast forward nearing late forties and I am confronted with lack of tolerance, lower energy and all the other niggles such as bladder urgency, insomnia, altered eye sight...the list goes on. But, I have friends whose children have headed off to uni and I think I would have felt low being left with having dc fly out of the nest too. I feel totally out of sync. currently - like I should be entering a different life phase but can't.

My relationship with husband is not good. Partly due to peri: zero libido and lowered tolerance and rose tinted spectacles slipping off, partly because of some of his actions. Just ploughing on.

I'm also reflecting on life choices. Wish I'd had the confidence/wisdom I have now when choosing potential career/partner etc. My choices would have been different including degree subject. One thing I would not want to be without is my dc which is why I struggle feeling like I'm only half there at times.

I'm currently having therapy for other reasons than the peri. Not sure if it is helping or whether I'm just going around in circles as I'm reluctant to make any major changes re. partner/career etc. Reading this thread is comforting but I'm sorry others are having a difficult time of it too.

I've been following this with interest. I'm 39 and thought I wasn't there yet. I'd put the brain fog and exhaustion down to lack of sleep as I have a 1yo still bf and a 4yo who has always been a bit rubbish at night.
I've also always been a hot headed person but recently my tolerance is zero and I've been awful with my husband and a bit of a shouty mum too, which I hate and I've been working so hard not to be. And actually when my eldest was this age I wasn't like that at all. I really felt motherhood had made me a much more patient person.
I'm going to see how I get on over the next few weeks and maybe speak to the GP. Obviously they'll tell me to stop bf before they investigate anything so that counts me out for a while as I intend to feed for a bit longer yet

It took me fifteen minutes the other day to remember the name of Have I Got News for You. I was singing the theme tune and going through the opening credits in my head and was just absolutely drawing a blank. Never experienced that so explicitly before. I know it's only a tiny thing but it felt like a little void in my mind!

I have started another thread on AIBU as I hadn't seen this but would really appreciate. Your opinions on this.
I am so anxious: paranoid:ruminating: cynical: untrusting; sad .
Alcohol seems to exacerbate the symptoms.
I can't bear it.
Week 6 of estradot and urto. Bleeding for three weeks . Tell me it gets better. My relationships are suffering.

@SirChenjins

You have just described my life exactly *@EggAndHasBeans* - I kept saying “yes” and “yes” and “yes to that too” as I read your post. It’s so reassuring to know I’m not alone and I’m not going mad.

It does help to know others experience the same thing.

@bmbetu

Absolutely stunned by this thread. I feel like everyone is describing me. Lots of emotional changes over last couple years, definitely full of rage, zero tolerance, questioning life , anxious a LOT when I never particularly used to be, impatient. Also really noticed brain fog/bad memory. Physical things like dry thinner hair. Low libido. I'm 40, so would not have considered peri. Think I'll be booking chat with GP. This is the most reassuring thread ever!

I had no idea about peri menopause until I started getting symptoms.

I don't know is this may help anyone but I have started to take vitamin D with calcium the past couple of days snd the change in my mood is amazing .
Last week I hated everything and everyone and totally couldn't be bothered , all I wanted to do was curl up on my bed and scroll my phone.
I feel tonnes better, I don't know if it's a thing or psychological but I do feel better which is a bonus ,
Going to give magnesium a go too before bedtime and see if that helps to keep me asleep 😁

Vitamin D MASSIVELY lifted my mood too, when I first started taking it. And very quickly.