To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

I think generally if women recognise that, yes, you can get brain fog, lack of motivation etc and realise that yes, it's menopause but won't last forever.

If it's really bad like suicidal thoughts then yes see the doctor.

My DM and her own DM both had surgical procedures which meant they didn't necessarily go through the menopause - but my DM was very ill with another medical condition approx 5-10 years afterwards anyway but had always had easy periods, no PMS/PMT etc so not as though I could ask her! Sometimes I do ask friends for their experiences and most say similar sometimes like hard to get to sleep etc.

I'm giving B12 a go with brain fog - though it's hard to know if it's my underlying dyspraxia or new though kids think I am getting worse not knowing words.

My Dmum has a surgical menopause but many problems leading up to that though at time GP put that down to 2 to 3 p/t jobs and being a mother and having parental demands due to age to deal with as well and some ongoing issues with fibroids that had implications for at least one her pgs. I had much more straight forward pgs and births and started period much earlier and I had break with close together pgs and bf for many years from periods so not sure that I would be following her pattern anyway.

I've just picked up caneston duo again. Thrush is my bugbear a few times a year. Always following antibiotics this time no bloody idea. I'm as dry as the Gobi desert

I am awash in a sea of regret. Questioning every decision I ever made, including the decision to have children and my choice of career. My nurturing instinct has disappeared completely and I just want to yell "Fuck off" most of the time.

Aagghh that’s me too @MareofBeasttown
I’m more mad at myself for being a pushover than anyone else!!

That last bit is a lie - I’m fucked off with everyone

Oh also, I recently discovered I have a uterus full of fibroids and need a hysterectomy fairly soon. If any of you women are inexplicably putting on weight around the midriff, despite exercise and diet, do get it checked out. I had a massive tummy- slim everywhere else- and it has turned out to be a mass of fibroids.

@AlbertBridge

I'm 50, and started HRT a couple of years ago. It's definitely helped my anxiety - before HRT I was having panic attacks.

Menopace tablets stopped me getting "the rage".

Gynaecologist put me on progesterone pill which has made me calmer.

But my brain fog is no better. Awful memory, word loss, foggy thinking. I'm a writer and it's starting to affect my work.

Does ANYTHING help right brain fog? I've read about Heights vitamins being great for memory, etc - anyone tried them?

Testosterone is meant to be good for it. My GP has just agreed to prescribe it for me. (I have been taking it privately prescribed - have no brain fog, but I didn't before really!).

@justasking111

I've just picked up caneston duo again. Thrush is my bugbear a few times a year. Always following antibiotics this time no bloody idea. I'm as dry as the Gobi desert

Did someone mention on here a cream for dryness that might help my continuous itching, irritation which spreads to my bladder irritation ??

Honestly , I’m much less caring than I was. I really don’t have the resources or the inclination to deal with everyone’s issues

@MareofBeasttown This is me and I really dislike it about myself

I’m glad this topic is finally rising to prominence and more women know what a wide range of symptoms the peri menopause and menopause cause. Hopefully doctors start recognising it too and stop blindly prescribing antidepressants, I think it hits many of us, who generally think we are well educated about our health, out of the blue and often much earlier than expected.

Hot flushes are the tip of the iceberg and the worst thing for me is the lack of interest and ambition. In your 40s you’re already susceptible to the classic mid life crisis and studies have shown this can be the unhappiest decade of your life as you come to terms with all the things you might never be or do, and then women have a major hormone deficiency to deal with as well. That deficiency can lead to long term issues with everything from your bladder to your gums, your brain to your heart. Just because generations of women have struggled through it invisibly doesn’t mean we have to.

I’m a PCOS sufferer but found the pill was masking symptoms and have now gone onto HRT instead (safer for women in their forties) and think everyone should carefully consider it (very few women cannot have it).

@Itsnotdeep - thank you!! I can try that.

Where/how were you getting it privately prescribed? My GP is lovely but getting to see him is almost impossible.

I am now 59 and think I started with menopause at around 50, the biggies for me were definitely complete loss of libido, in fact affection generally not just libido, constant itching down below and in the groin area , easily get hot generally, rather than hot flushes and eyes always feel sore and tight. No wonder so many 50 and 60 something women always looked miserable sods when i was younger. combined with the fact that a great many women go off sex at this stage (not all I know) and men often don't it can make for a turbulent mental period both physically and emotionally. I didn't do HRT as was advised against it for various reasons , and I have to be honest and say I didn't like my Hs attitude at the time, as his main comment as 'well get some HRT and lets hope it makes you interested in sex again' something in my head kind of railed against thatillogical maybe. Can you take it if you are past menopause stage out of interest??

Well this thread has been a true eye opener ,
I'm 57 and have been in peimenopause for 7 years, I still have regular periods every month but during the month get Awful period pains with no bleeding . I ache all over if I stop hrt especially in my knees .
I can't be arsed with anything and everyone annoys me .
Like others have said I've lost my empathy with a lot of things and sometimes I can't find joy and happiness like I used to then other times I'm a blubbery mess over a sunrise on the way to work,
I'm relieved to find it's not just me who has these feelings .
Sometimes all I want to do is lie in bed and scroll through my phone all day , I take more painkillers than I ever have as I can get niggling headaches for days , I just basically feel shit and wonder when it's going to end before I piss everyone off around me .

@MareofBeasttown

I am awash in a sea of regret. Questioning every decision I ever made, including the decision to have children and my choice of career. My nurturing instinct has disappeared completely and I just want to yell "Fuck off" most of the time.

This is me, too.

@frumpety

Yes some women have very easy menopause. Ask your mum what hers was like. You tend to have the same

According to my Mother she had a very easy menopause, if you ask the rest of us who had to live with her at that time, we will probably disagree.

So far I have the anxiety, occasional uncharateristic rage, a high level of just can't be arsedness and apathy, brain fog which feeds the anxiety as I am always double checking stuff, questioning myself and not being able to recall well known facts on demand. The facts are still there, its just recalling them is like looking for something in the drawer of doom in the kitchen

Mine too - I remember the rage machine that was DM, yet she sailed through it

I'm 41 & beginning to think I'm peri. My periods have started coming closer together. When I was TTC first time by periods were 31 days apart; by the time I was TTC the second time it was 28 days; & now it's got down to 25 days - it feel very unfair to not even get three weeks off between periods!
I'm noticing I'm forgetful - I'm always the person who remembers everything, stuff from childhood, appointments etc etc even inane trivia now not so much.
I'm needing to see more - again weird for me who prides herself on the ability to do transatlantic flights without needing a wee!
I feel hot in the mornings - am usually a cold person.
Tired all the time, but struggling to fall asleep (not unusual ) but then struggling to stay asleep or lie-in when the opportunity arises.
Unfortunately my mum had a hysterectomy, she never really talked about menopause with me (she passed away in 2012) so have no frame of reference for this.
Am reading the Perimenopause book - & thinking of approaching my GP if my next period arrives at day 25 again.

I find I think most stuff is stupid now and my answer to 85% of so-called problems is “so what”. I’m quite enjoying this symptom and hope it continues.

Great thread! And am blown away by how many people are posting about caring less, saying no a lot more and simply detaching from other peoples BS!

Marking my place.

Same here

@Kitchendisco21

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

This sums it up pretty well for me so far and not long hit peri menopause!

@Starbonnet123, you poor bugger, 57 and still having periods

One strangely amazing benefit is that I'm totally not shy anymore. I used to be crippled by shyness but I can honestly talk to anyone now. I'm just not self conscious anymore. I don't know why that's happened but I really like it.

Well the insomnia is going to kill me if it continues. Brain fog on top of that along with what little confidence I had left. I feel like I’ve aged so much in the past couple of years