To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

Just to add..I’m 48 and have already had to stop colouring my hair due to allergies caused by hormones. It’s really contributed to my just feeling like I’m invisible to the world now

@Siameasy

I find I think most stuff is stupid now and my answer to 85% of so-called problems is “so what”. I’m quite enjoying this symptom and hope it continues.

I go between this, and extreme anxiety over stupid stuff. I do read MN posts though where people complain about fallouts with neighbours, family and friends based on not very much. And I just think oh FFS.

It's bloody awful. Nothing to commend it at all.

Permanently hot (and then on top of that, hot flushes and the follow up cold sweat when you cool down). Would love to hear if anyone else just feels they are generally hotter, not just the hot flushes themselves - beginning to feel like a bit of a freak with that one. I am LOVING the colder weather, absolute bliss.
First dc off to Uni has left me reeling and looking forward to what is coming seems a very bleak proposition.
Crippling insomnia.

I feel very unsettled and unsure of myself.

Unlike everyone else, although HRT has helped with the night sweats overall it hasn't sorted things out. I'm on the waiting list for a menopause clinic where I'm hoping they can tweak my HRT to get the balance right as my lovely GP has reached the limit of what she can do.

Can't wait for it to be over but I am very grateful to be living in a time when it is actually starting to be talked about. I see successful, intelligent friends, doubting themselves and fretting over mistakes at work. Our health insurers won't cover anything to do with menopause as it is ' part of the natural ageing process'. I'd accept that if we all went through the same thing but where some people sale through it, for others it is debilitating at best, utterly traumatic at worst and definitely something which can be 'treated'. No doubt this shit would be better recognised and managed if it happened to men .

.

Anxious, angry, tearful less tolerant!

I hope someone picks this thread up and does something about this! I was 38 when struggles began. Now 43 - actually, brain fog can’t even remember if I’m 42 or 43! Had to do the maths!! And still being fobbed off by doctor who told me to try over the counter vitamins. Have you seen how expensive these are?!

Am experiencing all the above plus terribly itchy legs which are now becoming scarred and joint pain so struggling to walk properly. I had to go private to get help as NHS couldn’t help with the latter either. Thank God I’m no longer commuting.
Hair line has also receded and eyebrows thinned out. Not grey yet though so that’s weird.
Started yoga but parenting duties (kids and elderly DM) mean this time is hard to carve out.

Sharp pains tonight where left ovary is.

Tearing up was the first thing I noticed, I would cry at the drop of a hat, so bloody annoying and embarrassing. That would cause anxiety to kick in.

I was always a fairly confident person other than driving tests, public speaking etc.....until peri/meno. It's unbelievable how something simple can get my knickers in a twist and it's not until after the fact I realise I made an issue where there wasn't one. I think I've pissed some people off just recently by double checking if I was getting something wrong .....which, of course, brings more anxiety when you realise what you did really annoyed them. I'm at the stage where I don't really want to mix with or talk to people unless it's briefly about the weather or how lovely the garden is looking. My plan is to practice nodding and smiling and keeping my mouth shut, not easy when anxiety makes me ramble a lot of shite at times.

I would gladly take more physical symptoms on top of the ones I already have than this emotional roller coaster that you can't really explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I can almost see their eyes rolling when you mention the M word.

I hate it and can't wait to be done with it, my GP isn't interested and doesn't prescribe HRT "because of the risks", no discussions to be had at all. I would love to be in a position to go private.

You have just described my life exactly @EggAndHasBeans - I kept saying “yes” and “yes” and “yes to that too” as I read your post. It’s so reassuring to know I’m not alone and I’m not going mad.

I'm 46 and never really got wound up about anything until the last couple of years, now I just seem to be angry all the time. Been having night sweats for a year, just started to get hot flushes during the day. I spent most of yesterday crying because it was Senior Dog's birthday, she turned 10 and is a breed that only usually lives to 11 or 12, so despite the fact that she's fit and healthy and still racing around the place, every time I looked at her I couldn't help but think we're on the countdown and burst into tears again (don't get me started on Senior Horse, who is about to be 27...)

The most annoying bit of it all though is the joint and muscle pain, it seems to have settled in permanently to my elbows, upper arms and shoulders. GP says my hormone levels are still within what are considered normal levels, so won't prescribe HRT. My mother is cheerfully recommending all sorts of supplements that helped her, but then again my mother believed her homeopath when he told her she had long covid (subsequently correctly diagnosed by medical science as a slightly furred-up artery and she's now waiting for a stent). I've started taking the perimenopause supplement from Health & Her to shut her up, but probably need to give it longer than 8 days before I write it off as not working.

Permanently hot (and then on top of that, hot flushes and the follow up cold sweat when you cool down). Would love to hear if anyone else just feels they are generally hotter, not just the hot flushes themselves - beginning to feel like a bit of a freak with that one. I am LOVING the colder weather, absolute bliss. Yep. My internal body temp has been volcanic for several years FlipperStoleMyBall. I can't cool down if I get hot either. I do feel generally 'cooler' now I'm in my 3rd week of HRT but I'm not sure if this is because that has coincidenced with the cooler weather. I've felt properly COLD this week which is a novelty!

@EggAndHasBeans - unless there is something significant in your medical history the risks of HRT are minimal and the benefits are plentiful (not just symptom relief but protection against osteoporosis) - go and see another GP and if they are as resistant then ask to be referred to an NHS menopause clinic. Good luck!

@HemanOrSheRa - sorry you have this too but glad to hear I am not alone. I'm looking longingly at my big fat hiding winter jumpers, tried wearing one yesterday but only lasted about half an hour in it. The heat problem is probably the most debilitating for me. At work I can find I am suddenly literally sweating all over, the hair at the back of my neck is wet from sweat, everyone else is in big cosy jumpers, we all have to wear masks, I can't bear it - I have to keep pulling the mask down and wiping the sweat off my face , I feel flustered and embarrassed, it's just awful. I've never been a sweaty person . Also the slightest exertion - makes me really, really hot as if I've been aerobically exercising. Dread to think what would happen if I went to Zumba (ha, fat chance, too exhausted from the insomnia), I'd probably just spontaneously combust.
🔥

@MercyBooth

Sharp pains tonight where left ovary is.

I still have that and it's 9 years since my last period 🙄

Someone said they’d take physical symptoms over mental, but for me they are linked (on top of isolated ones or sheer anxiety). I can no longer run due to joint pain and this was my mental health!

@ssd thanks for the sympathy , it is shit having all the symptoms and bleeding every month but you just crack on don't you 😂

@DDMAC I know what you mean about being invisible, people talk over you as if you're not there which really annoys me but if you say anything you're made to feel naggy or petty .
You're definitely not worth listening to any more or that's how it feels

I’m having some bloods done to see if I’m going through it early (37). I’m so tired and have no internal temp gauge, words have just flown out of my head, I’m angry with everyone and just want to slap irritating people, I hate kids, I feel like my life was a waste and has already been parcelled up on the ‘done’ shelf, I’m so fucking bitter and cross.

Oh, and when I need to pee, there’s no waiting at this station baby.

@Incredibad - I had the peeing urgently thing but this can also be a side effect of Levothyroxine which I take and after having 'accidents' I'm now on something which controls pee and helps a lot. Had no idea it got worse in peri/menopause which explains a lot.

@DDMAC - re the insomnia - you should try a few things. I'm currently having a kiwi fruit at night which I think is supposed to help with insomnia (I think 2 is recommended) but have also started putting a magnesium cream on lower arms and soles of feet plus taking antihistimane at night and for past few nights apart from maybe waking once for toilet etc have slept really well. Before I was struggling to get off to and stay asleep and was trying loads of stuff - the sleep roll ons, lavender oil etc. The only downside is I'm now really sleepy in the morning too but I don't think the cold weather helps at all!

@flipperStoleMyBall

I'm permanently hotter too! My chilly bf is enjoying it! Less sugar caffeine and alcohol gelps reduce hot flashes. Wool duvet has got rid of 90% night sweats.... it's a learning curve...

I'm 48 and I think it's all just starting. I have low mood, zero motivation for ANYTHING, hugely irritated by my husband most of the time, zero libido, mood swings. I've had dry eyes for quite a few years now and the other week I got really hot and couldn't cool down (this never happens to me, I'm normally cold all the time). That hasn't happened since and was after drinking. But it's my mood that's the worst. I literally can't be bothered with anything or anyone and want to be left alone. I have a 6 year old so obviously I don't get left alone very often.

Ha, re above I got prescribed HRT, went to pharmacy to find note that I had to ring the GP. Rang GP and was told I needed a blood test. What for? Just, you know, a blood test. Next one available in two weeks time. I rang back and had a go, saying no, I'm 50 years old and not interested in getting a blood test for no stated reason.

Interesting you mention the antihistamines, I’m getting what I thought was cold symptoms on and off for ages, close to a year and I started doing zooms with a herbalist and she reckons it’s allergies. She has given me a tincture to take, it helps a lot but it’s so expensive. The gp wouldn’t give me hrt. I’m also on powder magnesium but so far I don’t see much difference with that.

I will definitely try the kiwi’s! I’m doing a back fo work course at the moment and it’s such a struggle on no sleep!

Thanks 😊

I was having that and still do on and off and an ultrasound revealed a cyst, could it be that?

It’s horrible and I’m horrible with it. I have no tolerance for anything. My DH is sick of me and his sympathy is wearing very thin currently. I think he is not far of knocking it on the head I’ve been that bad. Hate it.